Question:
The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
Response:
While I believe longer weekends have extensive benefits for employees and their families, it is not essential to add more days to the weekend, because there are various alternatives to improve the quality of people's lives. On one hand, longer weekends provide individuals with more opportunities to focus on their social life and mental health, rather than spending just two days. Significantly, three or even four days of continuous leisure enable people to manage their relationships and plans more efficiently in order to overcome their daily challenges. For instance, based on the most recent research on relationships, a noticeable group of couples broke up due to being overly occupied with their work; therefore, not having enough time to communicate with each other. Dealing with health problems is another crucial result of working too much in a week; whereas, overworking confronts people with several negative emotions such as sadness, boredom, and anxiety. When you work twelve hours a day, without even knowing, you are making yourself exhausted and fretful, which may harm those who are around you, and finally, when you realize many parts of your life are falling apart, anxiety emerges from the shadows. On the other hand, extending weekend days is not the only way. For example, if we do not consider our week periods as seven days, it enables us to have ten-day periods, and in every ten days, we manage to have four days of break and six days of work. In this case, overall, we will have twelve days of rest and eighteen days of work, which is almost similar to our present, real numbers. Another approach could be instead of adding days to weekends, to reduce daily work hours in order to spend the rest of the time with family and friends. However, many argue that the first approach is more pleasant, because even going to work, five days a week , exhausts them mentally but I believe having a few more hours to yourself every day is better than having nothing at all. In conclusion, I firmly agree with a plan where governments, employers, and managers consider their employees' well-being more and try to promote their welfare, which could only be possible with the right management and program.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
While I believe longer weekends have extensivesignificant benefits for employees and their families, it is not essential to add more days to the weekend, because there are various alternatives to improve the quality of people's lives. On one hand, longer weekends provide individuals with more opportunities to focus on their social life and mental health, rather than spending just two days. Significantly, three or even four days of continuous leisure enable people to manage their relationships and plans more efficientlyeffectively in order to overcome their daily challenges. For instance, based on the most recent research on relationships, a noticeable group of couples broke up due to being overly occupied with their work; therefore, not having enough time to communicate with each otherone another. Dealing with health problems is another crucial result of working too much in a week; whereas, overworking confronts people with several negative emotions such as sadness, boredom, and anxiety. When you work twelve hours a day, without even knowing, you are making yourself exhausted and fretful, which may harm those who are around you, and finally, when you realizerealise many parts of your life are falling apart, anxiety emerges from the shadows. On the other hand, extending weekend days is not the only way. For example, if we do not consider our week periods as seven days, it enables us to have ten-day periods, and in every ten days, we manage to have four days of break and six days of work. In this case, overall, we will have twelve days of rest and eighteen days of work, which is almost similar to our presentcurrent, real numbers. Another approach could be instead of adding days to weekends, to reduce daily work hours in order to spend the rest of the time with family and friends. However, many argue that the first approach is more pleasant, because even going to work, five days a week , exhausts them mentally, but I believe having a few more hours to yourself every day is better than having nothing at all. In conclusion, I firmly agree with a plan where governments, employers, and managers consider their employees' well-being more and try to promote their welfare, which could only be possible with the right management and programprogramme.
Band Score: 7

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding a shorter working week and longer weekends. The writer presents a clear position, agreeing with the idea of improving employee well-being but suggesting alternatives to simply extending the weekend. The response includes relevant examples and explanations to support the main points, such as the impact on relationships and mental health. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of agreement or disagreement in the introduction to clarify the writer's stance from the outset.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. The use of linking words and phrases, such as "on one hand," "for instance," and "on the other hand," helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between discussing the benefits of longer weekends and the alternatives could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more clearly and reiterating the writer's position.

Lexical Resource

The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms like "extensive benefits," "mental health," "overcome," "exhausted," and "welfare." The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic and contributes to the clarity of the argument. There are a few instances where word choice could be improved for precision, such as "week periods" which could be more clearly expressed as "weekly cycles."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively. There are minor errors, such as the misuse of semicolons and some awkward phrasing, for example, "whereas, overworking confronts people with several negative emotions." These do not significantly impede understanding but could be refined for greater accuracy and fluency.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction to guide the reader.
  2. Improve Transitions: Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs, especially when shifting from discussing benefits to alternatives.
  3. Refine Conclusion: Summarize the main points more clearly in the conclusion and reiterate your stance.
  4. Enhance Precision: Use more precise vocabulary and correct minor grammatical errors for improved clarity and accuracy.