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Question:
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Response:
There is a global trend in which dwellers migrate from country side to cities. As a result, the proportion of people living in rural areas decreases. I think it's a negative development due to several factors. On one hand, there are many elements that encourage people to move to metropolises. As there might not be enough facilities, many people prefer to leave. For instance, educational facilities are not advance in small villages. Consequently, when you try to have self development, moving to cities makes it possible. More over, living in a city allows you to benefit from convenient public transportation, which country side might be deprived of. So if you don't own a vehicle, commuting in rural areas may be impossible. But it doesn't seem reasonable if we only care about individuals and not the problems that it may cause. On the other hand, when rural people leave their home town, this action leads to significant problems. Firstly, agriculture is gonna be consigned to oblivion as there are no farmers in towns. The lack of agriculture may be felt by both rural and urban people. As fields and farms may be left, the soil may be eroded. Moreover, cities have capacities. Thus, when many people migrates to cities, it causes problems. Take Tehran as an example. Huge number of migrants made this city crowded. Citizens suffer from high volume of traffic and congested roads. It also put dwellers in a competition to own accommodation, which increases the house prices. In conclusion, although rural people think migrating is beneficial for them, it is indeed problematic. I firmly believe that huge migration number may cause problems that seems hard to be addressed.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is a global trend in which dwellers migrate from country sidethe countryside to cities. As a result, the proportion of people living in rural areas decreases. I think it's a negative development due to several factors. On one hand, there are many elements that encourage people to move to metropolises. As there might not be enough facilities, many people prefer to leave. For instance, educational facilities are not advanceadvanced in small villages. Consequently, when you try to have self -development, moving to cities makes it possible. More overMoreover, living in a city allows you to benefit from convenient public transportation, which country sidethe countryside might be deprived of. So if you don't own a vehicle, commuting in rural areas may be impossible. But it doesn't seem reasonable if we only care about individuals and not the problems that it may cause. On the other hand, when rural people leave their home townhometown, this action leads to significant problems. Firstly, agriculture is gonnagoing to be consigned to oblivion as there are no farmers in towns. The lack of agriculture may be felt by both rural and urban people. As fields and farms may be left, the soil may be eroded. Moreover, cities have capacities. Thus, when many people migratesmigrate to cities, it causes problems. Take Tehran as an example. HugeA huge number of migrants made this city crowded. Citizens suffer from a high volume of traffic and congested roads. It also putputs dwellers in a competition to own accommodation, which increases the house prices. In conclusion, although rural people think migrating is beneficial for them, it is indeed problematic. I firmly believe that a huge migration number of migrations may cause problems that seemsseem hard to be addressed.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is a global trend in which dwellers migrate from country side to cities. As a result, the proportion of people living in rural areas decreases. I think it's a negative development due to several factors.
There is a global trend in which individuals migrate from the countryside to cities. As a result, the proportion of people living in rural areas decreases. I believe this is a negative development due to several factors.
On one hand, there are many elements that encourage people to move to metropolises. As there might not be enough facilities, many people prefer to leave. For instance, educational facilities are not advance in small villages. Consequently, when you try to have self development, moving to cities makes it possible. More over, living in a city allows you to benefit from convenient public transportation, which country side might be deprived of. So if you don't own a vehicle, commuting in rural areas may be impossible. But it doesn't seem reasonable if we only care about individuals and not the problems that it may cause.
On one hand, there are many elements that encourage people to move to metropolitan areas. For instance, many rural areas lack sufficient facilities, prompting individuals to seek better opportunities elsewhere. Educational facilities, in particular, are often not advanced in small villages. Consequently, for those seeking personal development, relocating to cities becomes a viable option. Moreover, living in a city allows individuals to benefit from convenient public transportation, which rural areas may lack. Therefore, if one does not own a vehicle, commuting in rural areas can be quite challenging. However, it is important to consider the broader implications of this trend rather than focusing solely on individual benefits.
On the other hand, when rural people leave their home town, this action leads to significant problems. Firstly, agriculture is gonna be consigned to oblivion as there are no farmers in towns. The lack of agriculture may be felt by both rural and urban people. As fields and farms may be left, the soil may be eroded. Moreover, cities have capacities. Thus, when many people migrates to cities, it causes problems. Take Tehran as an example. Huge number of migrants made this city crowded. Citizens suffer from high volume of traffic and congested roads. It also put dwellers in a competition to own accommodation, which increases the house prices.
On the other hand, when rural residents leave their hometowns, it leads to significant problems. Firstly, agriculture may be consigned to oblivion due to the lack of farmers in rural areas. The decline in agricultural activity can have repercussions for both rural and urban populations. As fields and farms are abandoned, soil erosion may occur. Furthermore, cities have limited capacities. When a large number of people migrate to urban areas, it creates various challenges. For example, in Tehran, a substantial influx of migrants has resulted in overcrowding. Citizens face high traffic volumes and congested roads, and this competition for housing drives up property prices.
In conclusion, although rural people think migrating is beneficial for them, it is indeed problematic. I firmly believe that huge migration number may cause problems that seems hard to be addressed.
In conclusion, although rural residents may perceive migration as beneficial, it presents numerous challenges. I firmly believe that a significant increase in migration can lead to problems that are difficult to address.
Band Score: 6

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons for rural to urban migration and the negative consequences of this trend. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by acknowledging any potential positive aspects of urban migration, even if the overall stance is negative.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position that this trend is a negative development, which is maintained throughout the essay.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the lack of educational facilities in rural areas and the overcrowding in cities like Tehran. These examples effectively support the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  • Cohesion: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "For instance," "Moreover") helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between discussing individual benefits and societal problems could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "metropolises," "self-development," "consigned to oblivion," and "congested roads." However, there are some minor errors in word choice and form, such as "advance" instead of "advanced" and "gonna" which is informal.
  • Spelling and Word Form: Generally accurate, but there are a few errors, such as "migrates" instead of "migrate" and "put" instead of "puts."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar: There are some grammatical errors, such as "country side" instead of "countryside," and "huge number of migrants made this city crowded" which should be "a huge number of migrants has made this city crowded."
  • Punctuation: Generally correct, but there are occasional issues with comma usage.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balanced Argument: Consider briefly discussing any potential positive aspects of urban migration to provide a more balanced view, even if the conclusion remains negative.
  2. Grammar and Vocabulary: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and word choice to improve accuracy and formality.
  3. Transitions: Work on smoother transitions between ideas, particularly when shifting from individual benefits to societal problems.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the writer's viewpoint and is well-structured, but it could be improved with more balanced content and attention to language accuracy.

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