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Question:
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Response:
The number of people travelling from countrysides toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas as well as bringing drawbacks to cities which of both require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migrating pattern deserve careful attention which I will elaborate on in the following essay. On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which have negative effects on both industries and local residents. First and foremost, in terms of industrial aspect, the companies in such places encounter a lack of a sufficient workforce because the skilled workers have travelled to big cities in search of better job prospects and higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept worker for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. Additionaly, this trend not only poses a threat to organisations, but also forces locals to face the consequences of this situation. For example, if a person wants to repair impaired equipment in their house in those remote regions, they will have to bring in an expert from another cities within the country which is undoubtedly costly and daunting. On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, concerns including poorer air quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens work, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate private and public transport vehicles which considerably contributes to pollution in the weather and environment due to emitting a high amount of carbon dioxide and exhaust emissions. Furthermore, as demands for jobs escalate in overcrowded capital cities,the unemployment rate will assuredly surge, necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend. In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing the unemployment rate in metropolises along with decreasing the workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
The number of people travelling from countrysidesthe countryside toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas as well as bringing drawbacks to cities, which both of bothwhich require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migratingmigration pattern deserve careful attention, which I will elaborate on in the following essay. On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which havehas negative effects on both industries and local residents. First and foremost, in terms of the industrial aspect, the companies in such places encounter a lack of a sufficient workforce because the skilled workers have travelled to big cities in search of better job prospects and higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept workerworkers for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns, which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. AdditionalyAdditionally, this trend not only poses a threat to organisations, but also forces locals to face the consequences of this situation. For example, if a person wants to repair impaired equipment in their house in those remote regions, they will have to bring in an expert from anotherother cities within the country, which is undoubtedly costly and daunting. On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, concerns including poorer air quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens work, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate private and public transport vehicles, which considerably contributes to pollution in the weatheratmosphere and environment due to emitting a high amount of carbon dioxide and exhaust emissions. Furthermore, as demands for jobs escalate in overcrowded capital cities, the unemployment rate will assuredly surge, necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend. In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing the unemployment rate in metropolises along with decreasing the workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
The number of people travelling from countrysides toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas as well as bringing drawbacks to cities which of both require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migrating pattern deserve careful attention which I will elaborate on in the following essay.
The number of people traveling from rural areas to capitals and large cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas and also bringing drawbacks to cities, both of which require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migration pattern deserve particular attention, which I will elaborate on in the following essay.
On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which have negative effects on both industries and local residents. First and foremost, in terms of industrial aspect, the companies in such places encounter a lack of a sufficient workforce because the skilled workers have travelled to big cities in search of better job prospects and higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept worker for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. Additionaly, this trend not only poses a threat to organisations, but also forces locals to face the consequences of this situation. For example, if a person wants to repair impaired equipment in their house in those remote regions, they will have to bring in an expert from another cities within the country which is undoubtedly costly and daunting.
On the one hand, as villagers move to megacities, the workforce in these remote areas decreases significantly, which negatively affects both industries and local residents. First and foremost, from an industrial perspective, companies in such places encounter a lack of sufficient labor because skilled workers have migrated to big cities in search of better job prospects and higher incomes. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to skilled workers commuting long distances from adjacent towns, which has a direct detrimental impact on the local economy. Additionally, this trend not only poses a threat to organizations but also forces locals to face the consequences of this situation. For example, if a person needs to repair faulty equipment in their home in these remote regions, they will have to hire an expert from another city within the country, which is undoubtedly costly and daunting.
On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, concerns including poorer air quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens work, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate private and public transport vehicles which considerably contributes to pollution in the weather and environment due to emitting a high amount of carbon dioxide and exhaust emissions. Furthermore, as demands for jobs escalate in overcrowded capital cities,the unemployment rate will assuredly surge, necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend.
On the flip side, as a result of the growing population in destination cities, issues such as poorer air quality, environmental pollution, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. For instance, the more citizens work, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate private and public transport vehicles, which significantly contributes to pollution in the atmosphere due to the emission of high levels of carbon dioxide and exhaust fumes. Furthermore, as the demand for jobs escalates in overcrowded capital cities, the unemployment rate will inevitably rise, necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes will become increasingly difficult to rectify.
In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing the unemployment rate in metropolises along with decreasing the workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban centers is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing the unemployment rate in metropolises while decreasing the workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is something that every nation should strive to mitigate.
Band Score: 7

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impacts of rural-to-urban migration on rural areas and cities. The writer provides a clear stance, stating that this migration trend is undesirable and elaborates on the reasons for this viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by briefly acknowledging any potential positive aspects of urban migration, even if the overall stance remains negative.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the progression of ideas is logical. The use of linking words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the flip side," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between discussing the impacts on rural areas and cities could be smoother. Consider using a sentence to bridge these two sections more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms such as "manpower," "industrial aspect," "detrimental influence," and "exhaust emissions." There are a few minor spelling errors, such as "Additionaly" instead of "Additionally," and "from another cities" should be "from other cities." Paying attention to these details can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay generally uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, "which have negative effects" should be "which has negative effects," and "necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend" could be rephrased for clarity. Ensuring subject-verb agreement and refining sentence structures will improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Argument: Briefly mention any potential positive aspects of urban migration to provide a more balanced view, even if the overall stance remains negative.

  2. Smooth Transitions: Improve the transition between discussing the impacts on rural areas and cities for better coherence.

  3. Attention to Detail: Correct minor spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and accuracy.

  4. Sentence Refinement: Rephrase complex sentences for better clarity and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with relevant examples, but addressing these areas can further strengthen the response.

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