Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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All over the world, humans have started to move ininto metropolises, even the ones those in the countryside, this caused a disbalance causing an imbalance in the number of people living in them. I personally think this is a negative development, because having more people in a city thenthan its capacity causes several issues. However, in many cities, there are several ways ofto transport its citizens, yet they always hadhave a hard time to move moving from one location to another. Imagine a big increase in the population and moving from one part of a city to another—it makes it becomes even harder because the public transports havetransport has limited capabilities, as well as do the roads. ThisThe CO^2₂ produced by the cars would pollute the air. For example, Tehran is a good example of a city by which the where rural parts of the town residents have moved in tointo the city center, this caused over population causing overpopulation in every inner part of the city and a massive decrease in air quality. On the other hand, byas people leavingleave the outer layerlayers of cities, this will cause the jobs there to suffer from a lack of workers, also makesmaking the residence over residents there move into the city. This causes over population overpopulation in city centers and, will increase the competition in renting and buying a house. and anything which has a Anything with higher demand causes inleads to an increase ofin prices. many Many cities with a high number of residencesresidents suffer from the same problem—for instance, Hong Kong, China, with almost 8 million residenceresidents, suffers from a lack of houseshousing for its residencespopulation. Inconclusion In conclusion, governments are in charge of responsible for the countryside population and have authoritiesthe authority to control and take care of them by providing jobs and services for a better quality of life experience .
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
weak
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
weak
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Clarity of Position: Your stance (that rural-to-urban migration is negative) is clear, but the introduction could be more structured. Avoid informal phrasing like "humans have started to move in metropolises"—instead, use more precise language (e.g., "rural residents are migrating to urban areas").
  • Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant points (transport strain, pollution, housing competition), but some ideas are underdeveloped. For example, the link between rural depopulation and job losses in the countryside needs elaboration.
  • Examples: The examples of Tehran and Hong Kong are useful, but they should be integrated more smoothly (e.g., "In Tehran, for instance, rural migration has led to..."). Avoid abrupt transitions like "for example, Tehran is a good example..."

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay jumps between ideas (transport → pollution → rural job loss → housing prices). Use clearer transitions (e.g., "Furthermore," "Another significant issue is...") to connect paragraphs.
  • Paragraph Structure: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. The second paragraph mixes transport problems and pollution—consider separating them.
  • Repetition: Phrases like "over population" and "city centers" are repeated; vary your vocabulary (e.g., "urban overcrowding," "downtown areas").

Lexical Resource

  • Word Choice: Some phrasing is awkward or incorrect (e.g., "its citizens always had hard time" → "citizens often struggle"; "residence" should be "residents"). Use formal terms like "inhabitants" or "population" instead of "residences."
  • Spelling/Grammar: Errors like "Inconclusion" (no space), "CO^2" (write "CO₂" or "carbon emissions"), and "this caused over population" ("this has caused overpopulation") reduce clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: Many sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear. For example:
    • "However, in many cities there are several ways of transport its citizens always had hard time..." → "However, in many cities, despite multiple transport options, citizens still face difficulties commuting."
    • "This CO^2 produced by the cars would pollute the air." → "Vehicle emissions exacerbate air pollution."
  • Verb Tenses: Use present perfect ("has led") for ongoing effects of past actions, not simple past ("caused").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Introduction: Rewrite for clarity:
    "The global trend of rural-to-urban migration has led to declining populations in the countryside. In my view, this is a negative development due to overcrowding, environmental harm, and economic strain."
  2. Body Paragraphs:
    • Paragraph 1: Focus on infrastructure strain (transport/housing) with smoother examples.
    • Paragraph 2: Discuss rural economic decline and urban competition separately.
  3. Conclusion: Restate your position and summarize key points without new ideas (e.g., "To mitigate these issues, governments must invest in rural job creation and urban planning.").

Overall: Your essay addresses the task with relevant arguments, but grammar, cohesion, and precision need refinement. Practice structuring paragraphs and proofreading for errors.