Question:
The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
Response:
It is widely believed that employees’ weekends should be prolonged. I strongly agree with this notion, on the one condition that there is enough observance of how working hours are spent and how efficient the workforce is. On the one hand, based on recent research people’s job efficiency is totally affected by their mental status and as a result, the whole outcome of a typical company or on a larger scale, the country is influenced by an individual’s spirit. Being given a longer time to rest, staff feel a sense of being appreciated and consequently put more effort into doing tasks in a much flourishing way. They don’t resist working longer hours when needed if they are certain that their families receive the required attention and care for them and that their occupation does not disturb their family ties. On the other hand, decreasing working hours should not be interpreted as insignificance of the job. It needs to be cleared by the employers that being rewarded for leisure time means higher expectations of them regarding the hours spent by the staff at the office. If needed, the ones meeting the expectations should be given promotions and the other group ought to be punished either financially or by being obliged to spend more time at the workplace to do their assigned duties. In conclusion, it is a fabulous opinion to support working individuals by giving them time to do their favourite activities and have fun with their loved ones; however, strong observing measures need to be taken to have the best possible result.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is widely believed that employees’ weekends should be prolongedextended. I strongly agree with this notion, on the one condition that there is enough observancemonitoring of how working hours are spent and how efficient the workforce is. On the one hand, based on recent research, people’s job efficiency is totallysignificantly affected by their mental status and, as a result, the whole outcome of a typical company or, on a larger scale, the country is influenced by an individual’s spirit. Being given a longer time to rest, staff feel a sense of being appreciated and consequently put more effort into doing tasks in a much more flourishing way. They don’t resist working longer hours when needed if they are certain that their families receive the requirednecessary attention and care for them and that their occupation does not disturb their family ties. On the other hand, decreasing working hours should not be interpreted as insignificancea lack of significance of the job. It needs to be clearedclarified by the employers that being rewarded for leisure time means higher expectations of them regarding the hours spent by the staff at the office. If needed, the ones those meeting the expectations should be given promotions, and the other group ought to be punished either financially or by being obliged to spend more time at the workplace to do their assigned duties. In conclusion, it is a fabulous opinion to support working individuals by giving them time to do their favourite activities and have fun with their loved ones; however, strong observingmonitoring measures need to be taken to haveachieve the best possible result.
Band Score: 7

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by taking a clear stance in favor of a shorter working week and a longer weekend. The writer provides reasons for their agreement, focusing on the impact of mental well-being on job efficiency and the importance of balancing work and family life.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents a well-developed argument, discussing both the benefits of a longer weekend and the conditions under which it should be implemented. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made, such as citing specific studies or statistics.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps to structure the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the link between the mental status of employees and the overall outcome of a company could be more explicitly connected.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "prolonged," "efficiency," "appreciated," and "flourishing." However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "the whole outcome of a typical company" and "a fabulous opinion," which could be refined for clarity and precision.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for greater impact. For example, "fabulous opinion" could be replaced with "beneficial approach" to better convey the intended meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the readability. However, some sentences are complex and could be simplified for clarity, such as "Being given a longer time to rest, staff feel a sense of being appreciated and consequently put more effort into doing tasks in a much flourishing way."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "It needs to be cleared by the employers" which should be "It needs to be clarified by the employers." Additionally, the use of semicolons could be improved for better punctuation.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or data to strengthen the argument and provide evidence for the claims made.
  2. Enhance Transitions: Improve the transitions between ideas to ensure a smoother flow of the argument.
  3. Refine Vocabulary and Phrasing: Review word choices and phrasing for clarity and precision, avoiding awkward or overly complex expressions.
  4. Simplify Complex Sentences: Break down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument with a clear stance, but it could be improved with more specific evidence and refined language use.

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