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Question:
The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
Response:
There is a suggestion that laborers should work less during the day, and their weekend time should be longer. I totally agree with this idea because tasks in the workplace can be done more effectively, and family beliefs can be strengthen effectively. If people devote less time to their work during the week, they are able to do their tasks at the workplace with higher quality. Despite the fact that shortening work time might results in a decrease in the quantity of products, properties are guaranteed to have higher quality because when laborers have more leisure time during the weekend, they have more energy for working. For instance, the government in Germany has recently decided to decline working hours during the week to increase the efficiency of the workforce. This decision has increased the quality of products manufactured by companies and factories. Furthermore, when people have more free time to devote it to their weekends, they can spend time with their family, which results in improving family identity. When people’s time is considered for the members of their family, the whole family can learn from each other. Regarding children, they can become more mature if the father and mother of the family devote more time to nurturing them, and allocate time to teaching the importance of the true behavior with other people to them. At the same time, husbands and wives can be emotionally happier, when they have more opportunity to see each other and learn from the characteristics of their spouse. Therefore, if weekends become longer, members of the family can have the chance to communicate with each other, so the concepts of families receive more attention. In conclusion, there is an idea that time spent during the week should decrease. I completely take this statement because objectives of businesses are done more effectively, and identity of family forms receive its real importance.
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Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is a suggestion that laborers should work less during the day, and their weekend time should be longer. I totally agree with this idea because tasks in the workplace can be done more effectively, and family beliefsbonds can be strengthenstrengthened effectively. If people devote less time to their work during the week, they are able to do their tasks at the workplace with higher quality. Despite the fact that shortening work time might resultsresult in a decrease in the quantity of products, properties are guaranteed to have higher quality because when laborers have more leisure time during the weekend, they have more energy for workingwork. For instance, the government in Germany has recently decided to declinereduce working hours during the week to increase the efficiency of the workforce. This decision has increased the quality of products manufactured by companies and factories. Furthermore, when people have more free time to devote it to their weekends, they can spend time with their family, which results in improving family identity. When people’s time is considered for the members of their family, the whole family can learn from each other. Regarding children, they can become more mature if the father and mother of the family devote more time to nurturing them, and allocate time to teaching the importance of the true behavior proper behaviour with other people to them. At the same time, husbands and wives can be emotionally happier, when they have more opportunityopportunities to see each other and learn from the characteristics of their spouse. Therefore, if weekends become longer, members of the family can have the chance to communicate with each other, so the concepts of families receive more attention. In conclusion, there is an idea that time spent during the week should decrease. I completely takesupport this statement because objectives of businesses are doneachieved more effectively, and identity of family formsidentities receive itstheir real importance.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is a suggestion that laborers should work less during the day, and their weekend time should be longer. I totally agree with this idea because tasks in the workplace can be done more effectively, and family beliefs can be strengthen effectively.
There is a suggestion that laborers should work fewer hours during the week, with longer weekends. I completely agree with this idea because it can lead to more effective workplace performance and strengthen family bonds.
If people devote less time to their work during the week, they are able to do their tasks at the workplace with higher quality. Despite the fact that shortening work time might results in a decrease in the quantity of products, properties are guaranteed to have higher quality because when laborers have more leisure time during the weekend, they have more energy for working. For instance, the government in Germany has recently decided to decline working hours during the week to increase the efficiency of the workforce. This decision has increased the quality of products manufactured by companies and factories.
If people dedicate less time to work during the week, they can complete their tasks with higher quality. Although reducing work hours may result in a decrease in the quantity of products produced, the quality is likely to improve. When laborers have more leisure time over the weekend, they return to work with renewed energy. For instance, the German government recently decided to reduce working hours during the week to enhance workforce efficiency. This decision has led to an increase in the quality of products manufactured by companies and factories.
Furthermore, when people have more free time to devote it to their weekends, they can spend time with their family, which results in improving family identity. When people’s time is considered for the members of their family, the whole family can learn from each other. Regarding children, they can become more mature if the father and mother of the family devote more time to nurturing them, and allocate time to teaching the importance of the true behavior with other people to them. At the same time, husbands and wives can be emotionally happier, when they have more opportunity to see each other and learn from the characteristics of their spouse. Therefore, if weekends become longer, members of the family can have the chance to communicate with each other, so the concepts of families receive more attention.
Furthermore, when individuals have more free time on weekends, they can spend quality time with their families, which enhances family identity. When family members prioritize spending time together, they can learn from one another. For children, having parents who dedicate more time to nurturing them can foster maturity and teach them the importance of positive behavior towards others. Simultaneously, husbands and wives can experience greater emotional satisfaction when they have more opportunities to connect and understand each other's characteristics. Therefore, longer weekends provide family members with the chance to communicate, allowing family values to receive the attention they deserve.
In conclusion, there is an idea that time spent during the week should decrease. I completely take this statement because objectives of businesses are done more effectively, and identity of family forms receive its real importance.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that reducing work hours during the week is beneficial. It not only enhances workplace efficiency but also reinforces the importance of family identity.
Band Score: 6.5

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating an agreement with the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The writer provides two main reasons to support this stance: improved work quality and strengthened family relationships.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents a logical argument with examples, such as the reference to Germany's decision to reduce working hours, which supports the claim about increased work efficiency. The second point about family relationships is also well-developed, explaining how more time with family can lead to better family dynamics.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which contributes to the overall coherence.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "Furthermore," "For instance," and "Therefore" helps in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "devote," "efficiency," "nurturing," and "characteristics." However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "family beliefs can be strengthen effectively," which could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision. For example, "properties" in the context of work quality might be better replaced with "products" or "outcomes."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "might results" which should be "might result," and "identity of family forms receive its real importance," which could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors that do not significantly impede understanding but could be improved for greater accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify and Rephrase: Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, "family beliefs can be strengthen effectively" could be rephrased to "family bonds can be strengthened."
  2. Smooth Transitions: Improve the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph to enhance the flow of ideas.
  3. Grammar and Word Choice: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and choose more precise words to convey ideas clearly.

Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument with relevant examples and demonstrates a good command of English, though there is room for improvement in grammatical accuracy and clarity.

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