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Question:
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Response:
In the moden world, businesses in their advertising are trying to illustrate that their products are new in some way. I believe that this happens for a range of reasons, but achieving to a high sale can be a significant reason for this. This actually has its own positive and negative consequences taht I would argue below. One of the best wasys to achieve a high sale for companies and manufacturer is advertisements. In terms of psychology, showing a product is new and modern is very important to the owners of products, for a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffs that are new and modern and this trend can be so appealing and fascinating to them; therefore, many companies by cooperating to designers, create advertisements that are new and attractive to consumers. When a camera, for example, be interduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have provided it; therefore, emphasising on new features becomes efficient. However, insisting on new features can be a positive trend, but the drwbacks outweigh the advantages of this trend. Firstly, if the advertisments are realy reliable and interduce new products, this can be a positive trend for companies, because they can obtain individuals' trustness; therefore, they can achieve a high sale. Secondly, a negative trend that can be easily dominant if the advertisments don't tell the truth to people. most people are highly motivated to follow the products of companies that have a good record in their advertisments; therefore, if purchesers find that the emphasising of companies about new products was lye, they avoid buying the companies products. In conclusion, I think the products should be emphasised that have realy new features, not only for achieving to a high sale. It would be pleasant if factories and companies did their best to advertise the things are realy new and modern.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In the modenmodern world, businesses in their advertising are trying to illustrate that their products are new in some way. I believe that this happens for a range of reasons, but achieving to a high salesales can be a significant reason for this. This actually has its own positive and negative consequences tahtthat I would argue below. One of the best wasysways to achieve a high salesales for companies and manufacturermanufacturers is advertisements. In terms of psychology, showing a product is new and modern is very important to the owners of products, for a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffsitems that are new and modern and this trend can be so appealing and fascinating to them; therefore, many companies by cooperating towith designers, create advertisements that are new and attractive to consumers. When a camera, for example, be interducedis introduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have been provided it; therefore, emphasising on new features becomes efficient. However, insisting on new features can be a positive trend, but the drwbacksdrawbacks outweigh the advantages of this trend. Firstly, if the advertismentsadvertisements are realyreally reliable and interduceintroduce new products, this can be a positive trend for companies, because they can obtain individuals' trustnesstrust; therefore, they can achieve a high salesales. Secondly, a negative trend that can be easily dominant if the advertismentsadvertisements don't tell the truth to people. mostMost people are highly motivated to follow the products of companies that have a good record in their advertismentsadvertisements; therefore, if purcheserspurchasers find that the emphasisingemphasis of companies about new products was lyea lie, they avoid buying the companies' products. In conclusion, I think the products should be emphasised that have realyreally new features, not only for achieving to a high salesales. It would be pleasant if factories and companies did their best to advertise the things that are realyreally new and modern.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In the moden world, businesses in their advertising are trying to illustrate that their products are new in some way. I believe that this happens for a range of reasons, but achieving to a high sale can be a significant reason for this. This actually has its own positive and negative consequences taht I would argue below.
In the modern world, businesses in their advertising often attempt to highlight that their products are innovative in some way. I believe this occurs for various reasons, with achieving high sales being a significant motivation. This practice has both positive and negative consequences, which I will discuss below.
One of the best wasys to achieve a high sale for companies and manufacturer is advertisements. In terms of psychology, showing a product is new and modern is very important to the owners of products, for a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffs that are new and modern and this trend can be so appealing and fascinating to them; therefore, many companies by cooperating to designers, create advertisements that are new and attractive to consumers. When a camera, for example, be interduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have provided it; therefore, emphasising on new features becomes efficient.
One of the most effective ways for companies and manufacturers to boost sales is through advertising. From a psychological perspective, presenting a product as new and modern is crucial, as many consumers prefer purchasing items that appear innovative and up-to-date. This trend can be highly appealing, leading companies to collaborate with designers to create attractive advertisements. For example, when a company like Canon introduces a new camera, many people are eager to buy it due to its advanced features. Thus, emphasizing innovation can be an effective marketing strategy.
However, insisting on new features can be a positive trend, but the drwbacks outweigh the advantages of this trend. Firstly, if the advertisments are realy reliable and interduce new products, this can be a positive trend for companies, because they can obtain individuals' trustness; therefore, they can achieve a high sale. Secondly, a negative trend that can be easily dominant if the advertisments don't tell the truth to people. most people are highly motivated to follow the products of companies that have a good record in their advertisments; therefore, if purchesers find that the emphasising of companies about new products was lye, they avoid buying the companies products.
However, while focusing on new features can be beneficial, the drawbacks of this trend often outweigh the advantages. On the positive side, if advertisements are truthful and genuinely introduce innovative products, companies can build trust with consumers, ultimately leading to higher sales. On the other hand, a major downside arises when advertisements are misleading. Many consumers are inclined to trust companies with a strong reputation, but if they discover that claims about new features are false, they may avoid purchasing from those brands in the future.
In conclusion, I think the products should be emphasised that have realy new features, not only for achieving to a high sale. It would be pleasant if factories and companies did their best to advertise the things are realy new and modern.
In conclusion, I believe companies should emphasize products that genuinely offer new features, rather than doing so solely to increase sales. It would be ideal if businesses made a sincere effort to advertise only truly innovative and modern products.
Band Score: 5

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize new products and evaluating whether this is positive or negative. However, the response could be more focused and structured.
  • The introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in outlining the main points.
  • Some arguments lack depth. For example, the psychological appeal of new products is mentioned, but more specific reasoning (e.g., consumer psychology, market competition) would strengthen the analysis.
  • The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could better summarize the key points.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical flow, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For example, the shift from positive to negative aspects could be smoother.
  • Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but some sentences are overly long or fragmented, affecting readability.
  • Repetition of words like "new" and "advertisements" could be reduced by using synonyms or rephrasing.

Lexical Resource

  • There is a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or incorrect (e.g., "staffs" instead of "products," "trustness" instead of "trust").
  • Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "achieving to a high sale" should be "achieving high sales").
  • More precise and varied vocabulary (e.g., "innovation," "consumer appeal," "market trends") would improve lexical sophistication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are frequent grammatical errors, including:
    • Subject-verb agreement issues ("a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffs").
    • Incorrect word forms ("realy" instead of "really," "interduced" instead of "introduced").
    • Missing articles ("if the advertisments don't tell the truth to people").
    • Run-on sentences ("When a camera, for example, be interduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have provided it").
  • Sentence structures are sometimes unclear, affecting meaning.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify and Expand Arguments – Provide more detailed explanations for why businesses emphasize novelty (e.g., competition, consumer trends).
  2. Improve Grammar and Word Choice – Proofread carefully for errors and use more natural phrasing.
  3. Enhance Cohesion – Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand") to connect ideas smoothly.
  4. Refine Conclusion – Summarize key points without repetition and restate the position more clearly.

Overall, the essay responds to the prompt but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and depth of analysis.

See more samples for this question