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Question:
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Response:
People in some countries prefer to have their own home rather than renting one. this can be so important to them, and I think this certainly is a positive trend for a range of reasons I would argue below. On the one hand, having private home is a critical problem in some countries for some important reasons. Firstly, people who own a home can easily live in those countries, because home is one of the significant problems in some countries. In my country Iran, for example, young generation have to pay a large amount of money for just owning a small apartment. Secondly, many people prefer to have their own home, for the price of home increases significantly in some countries evert year; therefore, they invest on their home to insure everything they own. In Iran, for example, the price of land and home experiences a significant change from year to year. Finally, owing a home gives people a chance to live in their cities for years without transfering their furniture; by contrast, by renting home, people have to carry their furniture whenever they want to change their home. On the other hand, I think owning a home is certainly a positive situation. people who own a home, can easily spend money for the maintanace or fixing their home like painting walls or fixing the air conditionar. If people own a home, anything they spend belongs to their private and owing home; by contrast, anything is spent on renting home belongs to the person who owns the home. Furthermore, owing a home cause to gain from the benefits. For example, bank loans often are given to people who can provide a valuable document like the home document. In conclusion, owing a private home or apartment is so important in some countries for reasons argued above. I think it's better to have our own home. It would be pleasant if people had their private home.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
People in some countries prefer to have their own home rather than renting one. thisThis can be so important to them, and I think this certainly is a positive trend for a range of reasons I would argue below. On the one hand, having a private home is a critical problem in some countries for some important reasons. Firstly, people who own a home can live more easily live in those countries, because homehousing is one of the significant problems in some countries. In my country, Iran, for example, youngthe younger generation havehas to pay a large amount of money for just owningto own a small apartment. Secondly, many people prefer to have their own home, foras the price of homehomes increases significantly in some countries evertevery year; therefore, they invest onin their home to insuresecure everything they own. In Iran, for example, the price of land and homehomes experiences a significant change from year to year. Finally, owingowning a home gives people a chance to live in their cities for years without transferingtransferring their furniture; by contrast, bywhen renting a home, people have to carrymove their furniture whenever they want to change their homeresidence. On the other hand, I think owning a home is certainly a positive situation. peoplePeople who own a home, can easily spend money foron the maintanacemaintenance or fixingrepair of their home, like such as painting walls or fixing the air conditionarconditioner. If people own a home, anything they spend belongs to their private them and owing hometheir property; by contrast, anything is spent on renting a home belongs to benefits the person who owns the home. Furthermore, owingowning a home causeallows people to gain from the benefits. For example, bank loans are often are given to people who can provide a valuable document like thedocuments, such as a home documentdeed. In conclusion, owingowning a private home or apartment is sovery important in some countries for the reasons argued above. I think it's better to have our own home. It would be pleasant if people had their private homehomes.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
People in some countries prefer to have their own home rather than renting one. this can be so important to them, and I think this certainly is a positive trend for a range of reasons I would argue below.
People in some countries prefer to own their homes rather than rent them. This preference is extremely important to them, and I believe this is undoubtedly a positive trend for several reasons which I will discuss below.
On the one hand, having private home is a critical problem in some countries for some important reasons. Firstly, people who own a home can easily live in those countries, because home is one of the significant problems in some countries. In my country Iran, for example, young generation have to pay a large amount of money for just owning a small apartment. Secondly, many people prefer to have their own home, for the price of home increases significantly in some countries evert year; therefore, they invest on their home to insure everything they own. In Iran, for example, the price of land and home experiences a significant change from year to year. Finally, owing a home gives people a chance to live in their cities for years without transfering their furniture; by contrast, by renting home, people have to carry their furniture whenever they want to change their home.
On one hand, homeownership presents significant challenges in some countries for important reasons. Firstly, owning property enables people to establish stable lives, as housing is one of the most pressing issues in certain nations. In my country, Iran, for instance, the younger generation must pay exorbitant prices just to purchase small apartments. Secondly, many prefer ownership because property values increase substantially each year in some countries; consequently, they invest in real estate to secure their assets. In Iran, for example, land and property prices fluctuate dramatically from year to year. Finally, homeownership allows people to reside in their cities for extended periods without relocating their belongings, whereas renters must move their possessions whenever they change residences.
On the other hand, I think owning a home is certainly a positive situation. people who own a home, can easily spend money for the maintanace or fixing their home like painting walls or fixing the air conditionar. If people own a home, anything they spend belongs to their private and owing home; by contrast, anything is spent on renting home belongs to the person who owns the home. Furthermore, owing a home cause to gain from the benefits. For example, bank loans often are given to people who can provide a valuable document like the home document.
On the other hand, I firmly believe homeownership offers numerous advantages. Homeowners can freely spend money on maintenance and improvements, such as repainting walls or repairing air conditioning systems. Any investment made in an owned property benefits the owner personally, unlike rental payments which solely benefit the landlord. Moreover, homeownership provides financial opportunities. For example, banks typically grant loans more readily to individuals who can offer valuable collateral like property deeds.
In conclusion, owing a private home or apartment is so important in some countries for reasons argued above. I think it's better to have our own home. It would be pleasant if people had their private home.
In conclusion, owning private property is crucial in some countries for the aforementioned reasons. I strongly advocate for homeownership as it provides stability and financial security. It would be ideal if everyone could afford their own home.
Band Score: 5.5

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why homeownership is important in some countries and presents a clear opinion that it is a positive trend.
  • The response includes relevant examples (e.g., Iran) to support the arguments, which strengthens the task response.
  • However, some points lack depth and clarity. For example, the explanation of why homeownership is a "critical problem" is unclear—it seems to contradict the positive stance taken later.
  • The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize key points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
  • Some transitions between ideas are abrupt (e.g., "On the one hand" followed by "On the other hand" without smooth progression).
  • Repetition occurs (e.g., "In Iran" is mentioned multiple times without variation).
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting readability (e.g., "this can be so important to them").
  • More cohesive devices (e.g., "Moreover," "Additionally") could improve flow.

Lexical Resource

  • The vocabulary is generally appropriate but lacks variety and precision.
  • Some words are misused (e.g., "insure" instead of "ensure," "maintanace" instead of "maintenance").
  • Informal phrasing ("It would be pleasant if people had their private home") weakens the academic tone.
  • More sophisticated synonyms (e.g., "investment" instead of "spend money") would enhance lexical range.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are frequent grammatical errors:
    • Subject-verb agreement issues ("owning a home cause to gain" → "causes them to gain").
    • Incorrect word forms ("evert year" → "every year," "transfering" → "transferring").
    • Article misuse ("having private home" → "having a private home").
    • Run-on sentences (e.g., "people who own a home, can easily spend money for the maintanace or fixing their home like painting walls or fixing the air conditionar").
  • Sentence structures are often simple; more complex structures (e.g., conditionals, relative clauses) would improve variety.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Arguments: Ensure each point is clearly explained and logically connected to the main idea.
  2. Improve Cohesion: Use a wider range of linking words and avoid repetition.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Replace basic words with more precise or advanced alternatives.
  4. Proofread for Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and word forms.
  5. Refine Sentence Structure: Include a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Overall, the essay responds to the prompt but would benefit from clearer explanations, better grammar, and more sophisticated language.

See more samples for this question