Question:
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Response:
While many people argue that doctors and engineers should choose their work in the country where they pass courses, others believe that they should be able to work in foreign countries. I agree with the latter approach since it brings several valuable effects on their career and increases their chances for finding adequate jobs. On the one hand, many people say that professional people should choose their work freely because it enables them to achieve several positive achievements. This means that, when people work in foreign countries, they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not access to them in the training country. As a result, they are able to broaden their knowledge extensively by working with several facilities. Moreover, it is possible that the training country cannot meet their needs properly. In other words, people might face several challenges due the lack of balance between supply and demand. By way of example, while Iran educates over 1000 materials engineers per year, the industry of Iran need to 100 materials engineers per year. Therefore, i am convinced with this approach since they are able to not only enhance their knowledge, but also increase their chances to find jobs. On the other hand, others advocate that doctors and engineers should find work the in training country since governments allocate money to train those. It is because that governments would allocate more money on other fields, if they did not train. Moreover, some parts of training highly depend on the facilities of the training country. It is possible that when they want to work in foreign countries, they might struggle with problems due to the differences between training materials. Yet, I do not support this approach since every humans must be able to choose work without any restriction and doctors and engineers are not exceptions. In conclusion, Although working in the training country could be beneficial since the government allocates money for training and no differences between training material and demands, I believe that doctors and engineers should be work in foreign countries since they can improve their knowledge and increase their chances to find jobs.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
While many people argue that doctors and engineers should choose their work in the country where they pass coursescomplete their studies, others believe that they should be able to work in foreign countries. I agree with the latter approach since it bringshas several valuable effects on their careercareers and increases their chances forof finding adequate jobs. On the one hand, many people say that professional people should professionals should choose their work freely because it enables them to achieve several positive achievementsoutcomes. This means that, when people work in foreign countries, they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not have access to them in the trainingtheir home country. As a result, they are able to broaden their knowledge extensively by working with severalthese facilities. Moreover, it is possible that the trainingtheir home country cannot meet their needs properly. In other words, people might face several challenges due to the lack of balance between supply and demand. By way of For example, while Iran educates over 1000 materials engineers per year, the industry ofin Iran need toneeds only 100 materials engineers per year. Therefore, iI am convinced withby this approach since they are able to not only to enhance their knowledge, but also to increase their chances to findof finding jobs. On the other hand, others advocate that doctors and engineers should find work the in trainingtheir home country since governments allocate money to train thosethem. ItThis is because that governments would allocate more money onto other fields, if they did not train these professionals. Moreover, some parts of training highly depend on the facilities of the traininghome country. It is possible that when they want to work in foreign countries, they might struggle with problems due to the differences between training materials. Yet, I do not support this approach since every humanshuman must be able to choose work without any restrictionrestrictions, and doctors and engineers are not exceptionsno exception. In conclusion, Althoughalthough working in the traininghome country could be beneficial since the government allocates money for training and there are no differences between training materialmaterials and demands, I believe that doctors and engineers should be able to work in foreign countries since they can improve their knowledge and increase their chances to findof finding jobs.
Band Score: 6.5

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion clearly, which is good. However, some points could be strengthened:

  • Clarity of Arguments: Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased (e.g., "they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not access to them in the training country"). Rephrasing for clarity would help.
  • Supporting Examples: The example about Iran is useful, but it needs better integration into the argument. Explain how this imbalance affects professionals' career choices.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion restates your position but could be more concise and impactful.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing benefits of working abroad to government funding is sudden.
  • Linking Words: Use more cohesive devices (Furthermore, Consequently, In contrast) to improve flow.
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph focuses on one main idea, but some sentences are repetitive (e.g., "increase their chances to find jobs" appears multiple times).

Lexical Resource

  • Word Choice & Precision: Some word choices are unnatural ("pass courses""complete their education"; "adequate jobs""suitable employment").
  • Repetition: Avoid repeating phrases like "training country"—use synonyms (home country, country of education).
  • Formality: Maintain a formal tone by avoiding contractions ("i am""I am").

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkward ("if they did not train""if they did not fund their training").
  • Subject-Verb Agreement: "every humans must be able""every human must be able".
  • Articles & Prepositions: Check missing or incorrect articles ("the in training country""in the country where they trained").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Revise for Clarity: Simplify complex sentences and ensure each point is clearly expressed.
  2. Expand Examples: Explain how working abroad benefits professionals beyond just "facilities" (e.g., higher salaries, better research opportunities).
  3. Proofread Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and prepositions.
  4. Use Synonyms & Varied Structures: Avoid repetition by using different words and sentence patterns.

Overall, your essay presents a balanced discussion, but refining clarity, grammar, and cohesion will strengthen it. Keep practicing!