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Question:
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Our lives are like a roller coaster which is filled of astonishing and dismal moments. While a group of people is of the opinion that we should accept that times of difficulties are an inseparable part of life, another cluster believes we should strive a lot to overcome one hurdle after another. In my perspective, the harder we try, the better life can be expected. On the one hand, some opine, escaping the reality is not logical. There are some unpredictable issues which are out of our control. For example, Iran is suffering from an economic basket case, and thanks to inflation, recession and sanctions, the situation has gotten worse. This way, many businesses and corporations are about to go bankrupt. Many suffer from a shortage of state-run occupations. So, it is not fair to put all the blame on the shoulders of individuals to develop an independent life. This may affect their mental health negatively, something like self-pity. On the other hand, overcoming challenges is what success is all about. Hardships can motivate us to progress better and faster. It makes a contribution to increase creativity, initiative and mental power. For example, those who suffer from a lack of government jobs can run their own business. This way, not only do they fulfil the sense of accomplishment in their life but also it contributes to GDP of country. Moreover, difficulties play a very significant role in learning new lessons. For example, those who do not have a clue about money management, will improve their skills and knowledge about financial affairs. This leads to having a satisfied life during moribund economy. In conclusion, although accepting the reality can reduce our tension, attempting to achieve our desired goals can make our lives much more meaningful and purposeful.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Our lives are like a roller coaster which is filled ofwith astonishing and dismal moments. While a group of people is of the opinion that we should accept that times of difficultiesdifficulty are an inseparable part of life, another cluster believes we should strive a lot hard to overcome one hurdle after another. In my perspective, the harder we try, the better life we can be expectedexpect. On the one hand, some opine, that escaping the reality is not logical. There are some unpredictable issues which are out of our control. For example, Iran is suffering from an economic basket casecrisis, and thanksdue to inflation, recession, and sanctions, the situation has gotten worse. This wayAs a result, many businesses and corporations are about to go bankrupton the verge of bankruptcy. Many suffer from a shortage of state-run occupationsjobs. So, it is not fair to putplace all the blame on the shoulders of individuals individuals for failing to develop an independent life. This may negatively affect their mental health negatively, something likeleading to self-pity. On the other hand, overcoming challenges is what success is all about. Hardships can motivate us to progress better and faster. It makes a contribution They contribute to increaseincreasing creativity, initiative, and mental powerstrength. For example, those who suffer from a lack of government jobs can runstart their own businessbusinesses. This way, not only do they fulfil thetheir sense of accomplishment, in their life but but they also it contributes contribute to the GDP of the country. Moreover, difficulties play a very significant role in learning new lessons. For example, those who do not have ano clue about money management, will improve their skills and knowledge aboutof financial affairs. This leads to having a satisfiedmore satisfying life during moribund economyan economic downturn. In conclusion, although accepting the reality can reduce our tensionstress, attemptingstriving to achieve our desired goals can make our lives much more meaningful and purposeful.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Our lives are like a roller coaster which is filled of astonishing and dismal moments. While a group of people is of the opinion that we should accept that times of difficulties are an inseparable part of life, another cluster believes we should strive a lot to overcome one hurdle after another. In my perspective, the harder we try, the better life can be expected.
Our lives are like roller coasters filled with astonishing and dismal moments. While some people believe we should accept that difficult times are an inseparable part of life, others argue we should strive to overcome every obstacle. In my view, the harder we try, the better our lives can become.
On the one hand, some opine, escaping the reality is not logical. There are some unpredictable issues which are out of our control. For example, Iran is suffering from an economic basket case, and thanks to inflation, recession and sanctions, the situation has gotten worse. This way, many businesses and corporations are about to go bankrupt. Many suffer from a shortage of state-run occupations. So, it is not fair to put all the blame on the shoulders of individuals to develop an independent life. This may affect their mental health negatively, something like self-pity.
On one hand, some argue that escaping reality is illogical. There are unpredictable issues beyond our control. For example, Iran faces severe economic challenges due to inflation, recession, and sanctions, worsening the situation. Many businesses are on the verge of bankruptcy, and state-run job shortages persist. It would be unfair to place the entire burden of building an independent life on individuals, as this could harm their mental health, fostering feelings of self-pity.
On the other hand, overcoming challenges is what success is all about. Hardships can motivate us to progress better and faster. It makes a contribution to increase creativity, initiative and mental power. For example, those who suffer from a lack of government jobs can run their own business. This way, not only do they fulfil the sense of accomplishment in their life but also it contributes to GDP of country. Moreover, difficulties play a very significant role in learning new lessons. For example, those who do not have a clue about money management, will improve their skills and knowledge about financial affairs. This leads to having a satisfied life during moribund economy.
On the other hand, overcoming challenges is the essence of success. Hardships can motivate us to progress faster and more effectively, enhancing creativity, initiative, and mental resilience. For instance, those lacking government jobs can start their own businesses, not only fulfilling a sense of accomplishment but also contributing to the country's GDP. Furthermore, difficulties teach valuable lessons. Those unfamiliar with money management, for example, can develop financial skills, leading to greater satisfaction even in a struggling economy.
In conclusion, although accepting the reality can reduce our tension, attempting to achieve our desired goals can make our lives much more meaningful and purposeful.
In conclusion, while accepting reality may ease tension, actively pursuing our goals makes life more meaningful and purposeful.
Band Score: 7.5

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. The introduction sets up the discussion well, and the conclusion summarizes the stance effectively. However, some points could be developed further for greater depth. For instance, the argument about accepting reality could include more specific examples or reasoning to strengthen the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a balanced conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing economic struggles in Iran to individual resilience feels abrupt. Using linking phrases like "Despite these challenges, some argue that..." could improve flow. Additionally, the phrase "Our lives are like a roller coaster which is filled of astonishing and dismal moments" contains an error (filled of should be filled with), which slightly disrupts coherence.

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some strong word choices (dismal, moribund, initiative). However, there are minor errors ("strive a lot" could be "strive hard" or "make great efforts"). Some phrases are awkward ("economic basket case" is informal for academic writing; "thanks to inflation" is ironic and may confuse). Aim for more precise and formal expressions.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:

  • "filled of" → "filled with"
  • "strive a lot" → "strive hard"
  • "This way, not only do they fulfil the sense of accomplishment..." → "In this way, they not only fulfill..."
  • "GDP of country" → "the country’s GDP"
  • "during moribund economy" → "during a moribund economy"

The sentence structures are varied but could be more polished. For example, "Hardships can motivate us to progress better and faster" could be refined to "Hardships can serve as motivation for faster and more effective progress."

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Clarify Examples: The Iran example is relevant but could be tied more explicitly to the argument (e.g., "In such cases, some argue that acceptance is pragmatic").
  2. Smoother Transitions: Use more cohesive devices ("Conversely," "Nevertheless," "On the contrary") to guide the reader.
  3. Proofread for Grammar: Review preposition use (of vs. with), article usage (a/the), and verb forms.
  4. Formalize Language: Replace colloquial phrases ("economic basket case") with academic alternatives ("severe economic crisis").

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion with a clear opinion but would benefit from tighter grammar, more precise vocabulary, and smoother connections between ideas.

See more samples for this question