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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
A group of individuals present the view that they should learn about other subjects in addition to their main major, whereas others believe that it is more important to focus on their study and allocate all of their time and attention to receive a qualification. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, a group of people justifiably argue that they should know about other extra subject. This group mention that they should gain some extra knowledge about other field, while they study in a different major. For instance, while an individual study engineering, they might be passion about art and music. They believe that they have to pay attention to both fields as they are able to use one of them for earning money and use another one to calm themselves in their difficult situations. These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhile finishing them with success. On the other hand, another group of people claim that they should spend all of their time on their main field and just broaden their knowledge in that specific subject. They insist that should they learn another skill or learn about other subjects, they will distract from their main purpose. They believe it would be better for them to finish their study at first and after that they learn new skills. While, this will lead to success in one major, but they forget that they have a limited time in the world. However, I do not find all of these reasons convincing as they can use their waste time such as the time which they spend on social media or their commuting time on learning a new skill that they want. To conclude, in my opinion students should learn about different subjects except their main field because they can turn to a multitask person and be successful in many aspect of their life. Moreover, as people are able to use their waste time to gain new knowledge, no excuse is acceptable.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
A group of individuals presentpresents the view that they should learn about other subjects in addition to their main major, whereas others believe that it is more important to focus on their studystudies and allocate all of their time and attention to receive a qualification. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, a group of people justifiably argueargues that they should know about other extra subjectadditional subjects. This group mentionmentions that they should gain some extra knowledge about other field,fields while they study in a different major. For instance, while an individual studystudies engineering, they might be passionpassionate about art and music. They believe that they have to pay attention to both fields as they are able to use one of them for earning money and use another one to calm themselves in their difficult situations. These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhilewhile finishing them with success. On the other hand, another group of people claimclaims that they should spend all of their time on their main field and just broaden their knowledge in that specific subject. They insist that should they learn another skill or learn about other subjects, they will distractbe distracted from their main purpose. They believe it would be better for them to finish their study at studies first and after that they learn new skills. While, this will lead to success in one major, but they forget that they have a limited time in the world. However, I do not find all of these reasons convincing as they can use their wastewasted time, such as the time which they spend on social media or their commuting time, on learning to learn a new skill that they want. To conclude, in my opinion, students should learn about different subjects exceptapart from their main field because they can turn to a multitask person become multitaskers and be successful in many aspectaspects of their lifelives. Moreover, as people are able to use their wastewasted time to gain new knowledge, no excuse is acceptable.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
A group of individuals present the view that they should learn about other subjects in addition to their main major, whereas others believe that it is more important to focus on their study and allocate all of their time and attention to receive a qualification. I strongly agree with the former opinion.
A group of individuals presents the view that they should learn about other subjects in addition to their main major, whereas others believe that it is more important to focus solely on their studies and allocate all of their time and attention to obtaining a qualification. I strongly agree with the former opinion.
On the one hand, a group of people justifiably argue that they should know about other extra subject. This group mention that they should gain some extra knowledge about other field, while they study in a different major. For instance, while an individual study engineering, they might be passion about art and music. They believe that they have to pay attention to both fields as they are able to use one of them for earning money and use another one to calm themselves in their difficult situations. These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhile finishing them with success.
On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that they should acquire knowledge in additional subjects. This group contends that gaining expertise in other fields while studying a different major is beneficial. For instance, while an individual studies engineering, they might have a passion for art and music. They believe that they should pay attention to both fields, as one can be a source of income while the other provides emotional relief during challenging times. These individuals enjoy multitasking and are capable of managing various responsibilities successfully.
On the other hand, another group of people claim that they should spend all of their time on their main field and just broaden their knowledge in that specific subject. They insist that should they learn another skill or learn about other subjects, they will distract from their main purpose. They believe it would be better for them to finish their study at first and after that they learn new skills. While, this will lead to success in one major, but they forget that they have a limited time in the world. However, I do not find all of these reasons convincing as they can use their waste time such as the time which they spend on social media or their commuting time on learning a new skill that they want.
On the other hand, another group claims that students should dedicate all their time to their primary field and focus on deepening their knowledge in that specific area. They argue that learning additional skills or subjects may distract them from their main objectives. They believe it would be more advantageous to complete their studies first and then pursue new skills. While this approach may lead to success in one major, they overlook the fact that time is limited. However, I do not find these arguments entirely convincing, as individuals can utilize their free time—such as the time spent on social media or commuting—to learn new skills they are interested in.
To conclude, in my opinion students should learn about different subjects except their main field because they can turn to a multitask person and be successful in many aspect of their life. Moreover, as people are able to use their waste time to gain new knowledge, no excuse is acceptable.
In conclusion, in my opinion, students should explore different subjects beyond their main field because this can help them become well-rounded individuals and achieve success in various aspects of their lives. Moreover, since people can use their free time to acquire new knowledge, there are no valid excuses for not doing so.
Band Score: 6.5

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer clearly states their opinion, supporting the idea of learning about other subjects. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments presented. For instance, providing data or studies that show the benefits of a multidisciplinary approach could enhance the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects to the drawbacks of focusing solely on one subject could be more fluid. Using linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in contrast," or "on the contrary" could improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Phrases like "extra subject" and "waste time" could be replaced with more academic terms such as "supplementary disciplines" and "leisure time." Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of language use.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that could be addressed to improve clarity and readability. For example, "while an individual study engineering" should be "while an individual studies engineering," and "they might be passion about art" should be "they might be passionate about art." Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhile finishing them with success." Simplifying and restructuring these sentences would enhance comprehension.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or studies to support the arguments, particularly for the benefits of learning additional subjects.
  2. Enhance Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Use more varied and precise vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
  4. Correct Grammatical Errors: Review and correct grammatical errors to improve clarity and accuracy.
  5. Vary Sentence Structures: Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to showcase a range of grammatical structures.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.

See more samples for this question