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Question:
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Response:
When encounering to a difficulty, people are divided in two categories. One group surrenders and the other one strives to defeat the issue. I strongly believe man is capable of almost everything and giving up must be the last choice. Indeed, it is possible for each person to come across to a heinous condition and acknowledging it might seem the best choice compared to struggling with it. In other words, a certain challenge, which is impossible to solve, might happen to someone, and after several endeavours the person may not manage to solve it, the result which causes frustration and depression. Therefore, accepting them at the first stage might be an optimal option for one, similarly it can help them to concentrate on the other important matters rather than wasting their time on trying impractical solutions. For example, one might be unconvinced ith their job, which were the only option for them to get employed in, and they spend the half of their day with hatred of the situation that they cannot change, thus they must accept the circumstances. However, I totally disagree with the previous beliefe, and I believe with deligence nothing is impossible for human. Infact, if we yield at the beginning without showing any effort, we would not find out whether we were capable of resolving the problem. On the other hand, each person needs to increase their problem solving skills, because getting over the challenges is vital to learn from them and progress. To illustrate, Michael Jordan was a terrible player when he was in high school. He even was not admitted to attend in the school team. But he did not give up and he tried harder. Eventually, he became the best Basketball player of all time. In conclusion, difficulties might seem
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
When encounering to encountering a difficulty, people are divided ininto two categories. One group surrenders and the other one strives to defeatovercome the issue. I strongly believe man is capable of almost everything and giving up must be the last choice. Indeed, it is possible for each person to come across to a heinous condition and acknowledging it might seem the best choice compared to struggling with it. In other words, a certain challenge, which is impossible to solve, might happen to someone, and after several endeavoursattempts the person may not manage to solve it, thea result which causes frustration and depression. Therefore, accepting them at the first stage might be anthe optimal option for one, similarlyas it can help them to concentrate on the other important matters rather than wasting their time on trying impractical solutions. For example, one might be unconvinced ithunhappy with their job, which werewas the only option for them to get employed in, and they spend the half of their day with hatred of hating the situation that they cannot change, thusso they must accept the circumstances. However, I totallycompletely disagree with the previous beliefebelief, and I believe with deligencediligence nothing is impossible for humanhumans. InfactIn fact, if we yield at the beginning without showing any effort, we would not find out whether we were capable of resolving the problem. On the other hand, each person needs to increaseimprove their problem -solving skills, because getting over the overcoming challenges is vital to learnlearning from them and progressprogressing. To illustrate, Michael Jordan was a terrible player when he was in high school. He even was not even admitted to attend in the school team. But he did not give up and he tried harder. Eventually, he became the best Basketballbasketball player of all time. In conclusion, difficulties might seem
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
When encounering to a difficulty, people are divided in two categories. One group surrenders and the other one strives to defeat the issue. I strongly believe man is capable of almost everything and giving up must be the last choice.
When encountering difficulties, people are divided into two categories. One group surrenders, while the other strives to overcome the challenge. I strongly believe humans are capable of achieving almost anything, and giving up should always be the last resort.
Indeed, it is possible for each person to come across to a heinous condition and acknowledging it might seem the best choice compared to struggling with it. In other words, a certain challenge, which is impossible to solve, might happen to someone, and after several endeavours the person may not manage to solve it, the result which causes frustration and depression. Therefore, accepting them at the first stage might be an optimal option for one, similarly it can help them to concentrate on the other important matters rather than wasting their time on trying impractical solutions. For example, one might be unconvinced ith their job, which were the only option for them to get employed in, and they spend the half of their day with hatred of the situation that they cannot change, thus they must accept the circumstances.
Indeed, it is possible for anyone to face an overwhelming situation where surrendering may seem like the best option compared to struggling. Some challenges may appear impossible to solve, and repeated failures can lead to frustration and depression. In such cases, accepting the situation early might allow a person to focus on other important matters rather than wasting time on impractical solutions. For example, someone might feel trapped in a job they dislike—perhaps the only employment available to them—and spend half their day resenting their circumstances. In such cases, acceptance may be necessary.
However, I totally disagree with the previous beliefe, and I believe with deligence nothing is impossible for human. Infact, if we yield at the beginning without showing any effort, we would not find out whether we were capable of resolving the problem. On the other hand, each person needs to increase their problem solving skills, because getting over the challenges is vital to learn from them and progress. To illustrate, Michael Jordan was a terrible player when he was in high school. He even was not admitted to attend in the school team. But he did not give up and he tried harder. Eventually, he became the best Basketball player of all time.
However, I firmly disagree with the notion of surrendering without effort. With perseverance, nothing is truly impossible for humans. If we give up immediately without trying, we will never discover our true potential. Moreover, overcoming challenges is essential for developing problem-solving skills and personal growth. For instance, Michael Jordan was initially rejected from his high school basketball team due to his poor performance. Yet, through relentless effort, he became one of the greatest basketball players of all time.
In conclusion, difficulties might seem
In conclusion, while difficulties may seem insurmountable at first, perseverance and determination can lead to success. Giving up should never be the first choice.
Band Score: 5.5

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths:

    • You addressed both views (accepting vs. improving a bad situation) and provided a clear opinion.
    • Examples (Michael Jordan, unsatisfactory job) help support your arguments.
    • The essay meets the minimum word requirement.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • The conclusion is incomplete—it cuts off mid-sentence. Always ensure a full, clear conclusion that summarizes your stance.
    • Some arguments could be more developed. For instance, the idea that "accepting a situation helps focus on other matters" could be expanded with more reasoning or examples.
    • Avoid vague statements like "man is capable of almost everything"—be more precise (e.g., "humans can often overcome challenges with persistence").

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths:

    • The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion).
    • Transition words ("However," "In conclusion") help guide the reader.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased or unclear (e.g., "When encounering to a difficulty" → "When facing a difficulty").
    • The flow between ideas could be smoother. For example, the second paragraph jumps from "frustration and depression" to "concentrating on other matters" without a clear link.
    • Repetition of "believe" and "difficulties" could be varied for better cohesion.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths:

    • You use some advanced vocabulary ("heinous condition," "endeavours," "diligence").
    • Attempts at idiomatic phrasing (e.g., "giving up must be the last choice") show range.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some word choices are incorrect or unnatural (e.g., "encounering" → "encountering," "believe" → "belief").
    • Spelling errors ("deligence" → "diligence," "Infact" → "In fact") reduce clarity.
    • Avoid overly dramatic phrasing ("heinous condition" is too strong for a common struggle like job dissatisfaction).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths:

    • You attempt complex sentences (e.g., "a certain challenge, which is impossible to solve, might happen...").
    • Generally correct verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Grammar errors:
      • "When encounering to a difficulty" → "When facing a difficulty" (incorrect preposition).
      • "One group surrenders and the other one strives to defeat the issue" → "One group surrenders, while the other strives to overcome the issue" (more natural phrasing).
      • "Michael Jordan was a terrible player" → "Michael Jordan was not a skilled player" ("terrible" is too harsh).
    • Incomplete sentences: "difficulties might seem" (cut off).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Proofread carefully to fix spelling/grammar errors.
  2. Expand explanations—add more analysis to your examples (e.g., why persistence leads to success).
  3. Use synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., "challenge," "obstacle," "hardship").
  4. Ensure a complete conclusion that restates your opinion clearly.

Overall, your essay has a strong foundation but needs polishing in clarity, grammar, and depth of argument. Keep practicing!

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