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Question:
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Being able to benefit from good situations is a basic human right. Although some feel that it is better to accept a bad situation, I completely agree with those who believe that trying to make a positive change in such situations is far more beneficial. On the one hand, it could be argued that sustaining an unsatisfactory job or poverty is preferable. Supporters of this view say that trying to improve bad situations can be totally risky. Individuals might be obligated to defend their improvements at the expense of their meaningful relationships with their colleagues especially their managers. Additionally, it is said that some people are not aware of the damaging effects of bad situations on their physical and mental well-being. For instance, the poor may have no concept of how restricted their facilities are as they are obligated to work hard all the time, limiting their free time to dedicate to raising their awareness. On the other hand, I strongly believe that people would be able to achieve more accomplishments in better situations. Being surrounded by a challenging circumstance can decrease individuals' motivation, preventing them from performing better. However, the more people are able to make constructive changes in their circumstances, the more they manage to achieve groundbreaking accomplishments. Moreover, individuals can stay far healthier by avoiding conflicts and toxic atmosphere, either mentally or physically. Take an unpleasant workplace atmosphere as an example; when people have to argue with their co-workers or chairmen, it deprives them of focusing on their personal growth. To sum up, despite the fact that making changes can be risky to some extent, I believe that accepting bad situations such as poverty is far worse. So, trying to improve unpleasant situations is worth the risk.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Being able to benefit from good situations is a basic human right. Although some feel that it is better to accept a bad situation, I completely agree with those who believe that trying to make a positive change in such situations is far more beneficial. On the one hand, it could be argued that sustainingenduring an unsatisfactory job or poverty is preferable. Supporters of this view say that trying to improve bad situations can be totallyhighly risky. Individuals might be obligatedforced to defend their improvements at the expense of their meaningful relationships with their colleagues, especially their managers. Additionally, it is said that some people are not aware of the damagingharmful effects of bad situations on their physical and mental well-being. For instance, the poor may have no concept of how restrictedlimited their facilities are as they are obligatedforced to work hard all the time, limiting theirleaving little free time to dedicate to raising their awareness. On the other hand, I strongly believe that people would be able to achieve moregreater accomplishments in better situations. Being surrounded by a challenging circumstancecircumstances can decrease individuals' motivation, preventing them from performing betterwell. However, the more people are able to make constructive changes in their circumstances, the more they manage to achieve groundbreakingremarkable accomplishments. Moreover, individuals can stay farmuch healthier by avoiding conflicts and toxic atmosphereenvironments, eitherboth mentally orand physically. Take an unpleasant workplace atmosphere as an example; when people have to argue with their co-workers or chairmensuperiors, it deprivesprevents them offrom focusing on their personal growth. To sum up, despite the fact that making changes can be risky to some extent, I believe that accepting bad situations such as poverty is far worse. SoTherefore, trying to improve unpleasant situations is worth the risk.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Being able to benefit from good situations is a basic human right. Although some feel that it is better to accept a bad situation, I completely agree with those who believe that trying to make a positive change in such situations is far more beneficial.
The ability to benefit from favorable circumstances is a fundamental human right. While some argue that accepting unfavorable situations is preferable, I firmly agree with those who believe that striving to improve difficult circumstances yields greater benefits.
On the one hand, it could be argued that sustaining an unsatisfactory job or poverty is preferable. Supporters of this view say that trying to improve bad situations can be totally risky. Individuals might be obligated to defend their improvements at the expense of their meaningful relationships with their colleagues especially their managers. Additionally, it is said that some people are not aware of the damaging effects of bad situations on their physical and mental well-being. For instance, the poor may have no concept of how restricted their facilities are as they are obligated to work hard all the time, limiting their free time to dedicate to raising their awareness.
On one hand, some maintain that enduring unsatisfactory employment or poverty may be advantageous. Proponents of this perspective argue that attempting to change unfavorable situations carries significant risks. Individuals may jeopardize important relationships, particularly with superiors, while defending their attempts at improvement. Furthermore, some people may lack awareness of how detrimental circumstances negatively impact their physical and mental health. For example, those in poverty might not recognize the limitations of their resources as they are compelled to work excessively, leaving little time for personal development.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that people would be able to achieve more accomplishments in better situations. Being surrounded by a challenging circumstance can decrease individuals' motivation, preventing them from performing better. However, the more people are able to make constructive changes in their circumstances, the more they manage to achieve groundbreaking accomplishments. Moreover, individuals can stay far healthier by avoiding conflicts and toxic atmosphere, either mentally or physically. Take an unpleasant workplace atmosphere as an example; when people have to argue with their co-workers or chairmen, it deprives them of focusing on their personal growth.
On the other hand, I strongly contend that people can achieve greater success in improved circumstances. Challenging environments often diminish motivation, hindering individuals from reaching their full potential. However, when people implement positive changes in their situations, they are more likely to accomplish significant achievements. Additionally, avoiding conflict and toxic environments contributes to better physical and mental well-being. Consider an oppressive work environment: constant disputes with colleagues or managers distract from personal growth and professional development.
To sum up, despite the fact that making changes can be risky to some extent, I believe that accepting bad situations such as poverty is far worse. So, trying to improve unpleasant situations is worth the risk.
In conclusion, although effecting change involves some risk, I maintain that accepting adverse situations like poverty is considerably more detrimental. Therefore, the potential benefits of improving unfavorable circumstances far outweigh the associated risks.
Band Score: 7.5

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. The introduction sets up the discussion well, and the conclusion summarizes the stance clearly. However, some arguments could be more developed. For example, the point about the risks of improving bad situations (e.g., strained relationships) could be expanded with more concrete examples or reasoning. The example about poverty and restricted facilities is somewhat unclear—clarifying how this relates to acceptance would strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing and a good use of linking words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "To sum up"). However, some sentences could be smoother. For instance, "Individuals might be obligated to defend their improvements at the expense of their meaningful relationships with their colleagues especially their managers" is awkwardly phrased—simplifying or rephrasing would improve clarity. Additionally, transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother to enhance flow.

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some strong word choices (e.g., "groundbreaking accomplishments," "toxic atmosphere"). However, there are minor errors in word choice and phrasing:

  • "Sustaining an unsatisfactory job or poverty" – "Sustaining poverty" is an odd collocation; "enduring" or "accepting" might work better.
  • "Obligated" is used twice in a way that feels unnatural ("obligated to defend," "obligated to work hard"). "Forced" or "compelled" might fit better.
  • "Chairmen" is outdated; "supervisors" or "managers" would be more natural.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:

  • Subject-verb agreement: "Being able to benefit from good situations is a basic human right" – This is grammatically correct, but the phrasing is slightly off ("the ability to benefit" might sound more natural).
  • Article usage: "a challenging circumstance" → "challenging circumstances" (plural, since the context suggests multiple challenges).
  • Sentence structure: "Take an unpleasant workplace atmosphere as an example; when people have to argue with their co-workers or chairmen, it deprives them of focusing on their personal growth." – The semicolon should be a colon or a full stop, and "it deprives them of focusing" is awkward. A better phrasing: "For example, in an unpleasant workplace, constant arguments with coworkers or supervisors prevent employees from focusing on personal growth."

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Clarify examples – Ensure that examples directly support the argument (e.g., explain how poverty leads to unawareness of restricted facilities).
  2. Smooth transitions – Use more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs.
  3. Refine word choice – Avoid awkward phrasing and use more natural collocations.
  4. Proofread for grammar – Check for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.

Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument but would benefit from clearer examples, smoother phrasing, and improved grammatical accuracy.

See more samples for this question