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Question:
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Response:
There has been a controversial view which says the most significant objective of science should be to provide individuals with a comfortable life. While I concede that it is one of the important aims of science, I strongly believe that it is not the most significant aim. On the one hand, science should enhance individuals' living conditions. Nowadays, we have access to many modern technologies more than ever before which can facilitate our lives. Being one of the chief responsibilities, governments should consider providing people with an acceptable living condition as one of the important aims of science. Take artificial intelligence as an example; scholars can empower robots and machines with this groundbreaking technology to do many laborious tasks in favor of humans. On the other hand, despite the benefits of improving people's lives, I still believe that there are two aims which are more significant. Firstly, I believe that scientists should discover an effective way to protect the environment and endangered animal species. Undoubtedly, the environment plays an indispensable role in our lives, providing individuals with food, oxygen, and water. Therefore, scientists and academics should find ways not only to protect the environment for future generations but also to compensate for the damage which humanity has dealt so far. Likewise, there are many animals which tackle numerous viruses which can bring health issues for people. Consequently, the extinction of animals can pose a significant threat to individuals’ well-being. Secondly, I believe that the most important aim of science is finding a new accommodation for all individuals in the globe. These days, the percentage of the population is rising rapidly, so it is predicted that in the coming years we will encounter a scarcity of housing and food supply. Consequently, authorities and scientists should put finding a new plan their number one priority to overcome the future problems which can stem from overpopulation. In conclusion, while I concede that providing people with a suitable living condition is one of the aims of science, I do not agree that it is the most important. I firmly believe that protecting the environment and finding a new residential planet are the most significant aims of science.
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There has been a controversial view which saysstates the most significant objective of science should be to provide individuals with a comfortable life. While I concede that it is one of the important aims of science, I strongly believe that it is not the most significant aim. On the one hand, science should enhance individuals' living conditions. Nowadays, we have access to many modern technologies more than ever before whichthat can facilitate our lives. Being one of the chief responsibilities, governments should consider providing people with an acceptable living condition as one of the important aims of science. Take artificial intelligence as an example; scholars can empower robots and machines with this groundbreaking technology to doperform many laborious tasks in favorfavour of humans. On the other hand, despite the benefits of improving people's lives, I still believe that there are two aims whichthat are more significant. Firstly, I believe that scientists should discover an effective way to protect the environment and endangered animal species. Undoubtedly, the environment plays an indispensable role in our lives, providing individuals with food, oxygen, and water. Therefore, scientists and academics should find ways not only to protect the environment for future generations but also to compensate for the damage whichthat humanity has dealt so far. Likewise, there are many animals whichthat tackle numerous viruses whichthat can bring health issues for people. Consequently, the extinction of animals can pose a significant threat to individuals’ well-being. Secondly, I believe that the most important aim of science is finding a new accommodation for all individuals inon the globe. These days, the percentage of the population is rising rapidly, so it is predicted that in the coming years we will encounter a scarcity of housing and food supply. Consequently, authorities and scientists should putmake finding a new plan their number one priority to overcome the future problems whichthat can stem from overpopulation. In conclusion, while I concede that providing people with a suitable living condition is one of the aims of science, I do not agree that it is the most important. I firmly believe that protecting the environment and finding a new residential planet are the most significant aims of science.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There has been a controversial view which says the most significant objective of science should be to provide individuals with a comfortable life. While I concede that it is one of the important aims of science, I strongly believe that it is not the most significant aim.
There has been a controversial view that the most significant objective of science should be to provide individuals with a comfortable life. While I concede that this is one of the important aims of science, I strongly believe that it is not the most significant aim.
On the one hand, science should enhance individuals' living conditions. Nowadays, we have access to many modern technologies more than ever before which can facilitate our lives. Being one of the chief responsibilities, governments should consider providing people with an acceptable living condition as one of the important aims of science. Take artificial intelligence as an example; scholars can empower robots and machines with this groundbreaking technology to do many laborious tasks in favor of humans.
On the one hand, science should enhance individuals' living conditions. Nowadays, we have access to more modern technologies than ever before, which can facilitate our lives. As one of its chief responsibilities, governments should consider providing people with acceptable living conditions as a key aim of science. For instance, artificial intelligence enables scholars to empower robots and machines with groundbreaking technology to perform many laborious tasks on behalf of humans.
On the other hand, despite the benefits of improving people's lives, I still believe that there are two aims which are more significant. Firstly, I believe that scientists should discover an effective way to protect the environment and endangered animal species. Undoubtedly, the environment plays an indispensable role in our lives, providing individuals with food, oxygen, and water. Therefore, scientists and academics should find ways not only to protect the environment for future generations but also to compensate for the damage which humanity has dealt so far. Likewise, there are many animals which tackle numerous viruses which can bring health issues for people. Consequently, the extinction of animals can pose a significant threat to individuals’ well-being.
On the other hand, despite the benefits of improving people's lives, I believe that there are two aims that are more significant. Firstly, scientists should discover effective ways to protect the environment and endangered animal species. Undoubtedly, the environment plays an indispensable role in our lives by providing food, oxygen, and water. Therefore, scientists and academics should find ways not only to protect the environment for future generations but also to compensate for the damage humanity has inflicted thus far. Likewise, many animals help combat numerous viruses that can pose health risks to humans. Consequently, the extinction of these animals can pose a significant threat to human well-being.
Secondly, I believe that the most important aim of science is finding a new accommodation for all individuals in the globe. These days, the percentage of the population is rising rapidly, so it is predicted that in the coming years we will encounter a scarcity of housing and food supply. Consequently, authorities and scientists should put finding a new plan their number one priority to overcome the future problems which can stem from overpopulation.
Secondly, I believe that the most important aim of science is to find new accommodations for all individuals on the globe. These days, the global population is rising rapidly, and it is predicted that in the coming years, we will encounter a scarcity of housing and food supply. Therefore, authorities and scientists should prioritize finding new solutions to address the future problems stemming from overpopulation.
In conclusion, while I concede that providing people with a suitable living condition is one of the aims of science, I do not agree that it is the most important. I firmly believe that protecting the environment and finding a new residential planet are the most significant aims of science.
In conclusion, while I concede that providing people with suitable living conditions is one of the aims of science, I do not agree that it is the most important. I firmly believe that protecting the environment and finding new residential solutions are the most significant aims of science.
Band Score: 8

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the role of science in improving people's lives and presenting a clear stance that it is not the most significant aim. The writer provides alternative aims of science, such as environmental protection and finding new habitats, which are argued to be more important.
  • Position: The position is clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer agrees that improving lives is an important aim but argues that other aims are more significant.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as artificial intelligence and environmental protection, to support the arguments. However, the example of finding a new accommodation for the global population could be expanded with more specific details or current scientific endeavors.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports the overall argument.
  • Cohesion: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, with appropriate linking words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "firstly," and "secondly." However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly when shifting from one major aim of science to another.
  • Paragraphing: Paragraphs are logically structured, each focusing on a specific point. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversial view," "groundbreaking technology," and "indispensable role." The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic and context.
  • Word Choice: Word choice is generally precise, though there are minor instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the argument, particularly in discussing scientific aims.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which contribute to the clarity and depth of the argument.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "the percentage of the population is rising" (which could be more accurately phrased as "the global population is rising"). Overall, the grammar and punctuation are accurate and do not impede understanding.

Suggestions for Improvement

  • Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples or current scientific projects related to finding new habitats for humanity to strengthen the argument.
  • Enhance Transitions: Improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas with smoother transitions to enhance coherence.
  • Refine Vocabulary: Introduce more varied vocabulary to further enrich the discussion and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay presents a well-reasoned argument with clear support, though it could benefit from more detailed examples and smoother transitions.

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