Writing evaluation result for: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To... - Balang

Question:

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement??

Response:

There is an opinion (asserting) that individuals, particularly young people, should save money for their future (life). I completely agree with the given statement due to several compelling reasons. Saving money is crucial as it can provide financial security during unexpected life events.For instance, money saved over time can help cover urgent expenses, such as medical bills or vehicle repairs after an accident. These events are unpredictable and may require immediate access to funds. If individuals have saved money in advance, they will be better prepared to handle such situations with fewer long-term consequences. Another key reason for young people to save money is that it is essential for achieving personal and professional goals. Higher education, for example, often requires significant financial resources to cover costs such as textbooks and accommodatation. Many students are unable to work part-time due to restrictions, so having saved money ensures they can continue their studies without financial strain. Moreover, saving money is essential for enterpreneurs. By setting aside funds, they can invest in their business ventures, leading to long-term success and growth. As a result, financial preparation early on can support both education and career advancement. In conclusion, saving money is essential for young people to handle unexpected events and achieve their future goals. I firmly believe that having finacial resources is key to both personal development and professional success, and the earlier one starts saving, the better prepared they will be for life’s challenges.

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There is an opinion (assertingasserted) that individuals, particularly young people, should save money for their future (lifelives). I completely agree with the given statement due to several compelling reasons. Saving money is crucial as it can provide financial security during unexpected life events. For instance, money saved over time can help cover urgent expenses, such as medical bills or vehicle repairs after an accident. These events are unpredictable and may require immediate access to funds. If individuals have saved money in advance, they will be better prepared to handle such situations with fewer long-term consequences. Another key reason for young people to save money is that it is essential for achieving personal and professional goals. Higher education, for example, often requires significant financial resources to cover costs such as textbooks and accommodatationaccommodation. Many students are unable to work part-time due to restrictions, so having saved money ensures they can continue their studies without financial strain. Moreover, saving money is essential for enterpreneursentrepreneurs. By setting aside funds, they can invest in their business ventures, leading to long-term success and growth. As a result, financial preparation early on can support both education and career advancement. In conclusion, saving money is essential for young people to handle unexpected events and achieve their future goals. I firmly believe that having finacialfinancial resources is key to both personal development and professional success, and the earlier one starts saving, the better prepared they will be for life’s challenges.

This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.

There is an opinion (asserting) that individuals, particularly young people, should save money for their future (life). I completely agree with the given statement due to several compelling reasons.

There is an opinion asserting that individuals, particularly young people, should save money for their future. I completely agree with this statement due to several compelling reasons.

Saving money is crucial as it can provide financial security during unexpected life events.For instance, money saved over time can help cover urgent expenses, such as medical bills or vehicle repairs after an accident. These events are unpredictable and may require immediate access to funds. If individuals have saved money in advance, they will be better prepared to handle such situations with fewer long-term consequences.

Saving money is crucial as it provides financial security during unexpected life events. For instance, money saved over time can help cover urgent expenses, such as medical bills or vehicle repairs after an accident. These events are unpredictable and may require immediate access to funds. If individuals have saved money in advance, they will be better prepared to handle such situations with fewer long-term consequences.

Another key reason for young people to save money is that it is essential for achieving personal and professional goals. Higher education, for example, often requires significant financial resources to cover costs such as textbooks and accommodatation. Many students are unable to work part-time due to restrictions, so having saved money ensures they can continue their studies without financial strain. Moreover, saving money is essential for enterpreneurs. By setting aside funds, they can invest in their business ventures, leading to long-term success and growth. As a result, financial preparation early on can support both education and career advancement.

Another key reason for young people to save money is that it is essential for achieving personal and professional goals. Higher education, for example, often requires significant financial resources to cover costs such as textbooks and accommodation. Many students are unable to work part-time due to academic commitments, so having savings ensures they can continue their studies without financial strain. Moreover, saving money is vital for entrepreneurs. By setting aside funds, they can invest in their business ventures, leading to long-term success and growth. As a result, financial preparation early in life can support both education and career advancement.

In conclusion, saving money is essential for young people to handle unexpected events and achieve their future goals. I firmly believe that having finacial resources is key to both personal development and professional success, and the earlier one starts saving, the better prepared they will be for life’s challenges.

In conclusion, saving money is essential for young people to handle unexpected events and achieve their future goals. I firmly believe that having financial resources is key to both personal development and professional success, and the earlier one starts saving, the better prepared they will be for life’s challenges.

Band Score: 7

Here’s feedback on your essay based on IELTS writing criteria:

Task Achievement

Your response addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant arguments.
The ideas are well-developed, but the essay is slightly under the 250-word minimum (241 words). Expanding on one of your points (e.g., adding another example for financial security or career goals) would help meet the word requirement.
The conclusion restates your position clearly but could be slightly more concise.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Linking words (e.g., "For instance," "Another key reason," "Moreover") improve coherence. However, some transitions could be smoother (e.g., "These events are unpredictable..." could be linked more explicitly to the previous sentence).
Paragraphing is appropriate, but the second body paragraph is slightly long—consider breaking it into two if expanding.

Lexical Resource

Vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied (e.g., "financial security," "unpredictable," "entrepreneurs," "long-term consequences").
Some minor errors: "accommodatation" (spelling), "finacial" (spelling), and "enterpreneurs" (spelling).
A few phrases could be more natural (e.g., "There is an opinion (asserting)" could be simplified to "Some argue that...").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Grammar is mostly accurate, with a mix of complex and simple structures.
Minor errors: "funds" (should be "funds" is correct, but "access to funds" is better than "access to funds"), "financial resources is key" (should be "are key").
Some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "money saved over time can help cover urgent expenses" could be "savings can cover emergencies").

Suggestions for Improvement

Increase word count by adding another example or expanding on existing points.
Proofread for spelling and minor grammatical errors.
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas.

Overall, this is a strong response but needs slight refinement in word count, spelling, and fluency.

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