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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Curriculum content is a source of debate among those attending university. Some students advocate for extra modules, in addition to their main subject, while others take an opposing view, suggesting that study schedules should be confined to specific syllabi. However, a well-rounded education is a combination of both and I subscribe to the notion, that a balanced program will prepare attendees thoroughly based on their goals and expectations. On one hand, every student has different goals to achieve which should be highlighted before choosing a career. Some degrees suggest a wide range of studies, such as bachelor 's degrees, which gives participants a broad perspective on their tertiary education. In this context, it essential for this level of education to foster knowledge-seekers general know-how about the science regarding their degrees. For example, a Bachelor of Science (BS) and Bachelor of Art (BA), are among courses that aim to teach attendants a variety of topics, including principles of engineering and trading respectively. Therefore, introducing extracurricular subjects would be constructive and beneficial for students at this stage, especially for overachievers. On the flip side, in terms of higher education like Master of Science (MS) and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), which are precisely and meticulously designed for specific subject areas, additional subjects would be absurd and unnecessary, because these types of advanced degrees are associated with one particular dissertation, requiring students to allocate a great deal of attention and time in order to make progress in that special area of science. As a result, the less students devote their time and energy to other supplementary subjects, the less they waste their effort. For example, when it comes to finishing the Master's and PhD degrees, experts are obliged to spend at least one year completing their research and managing their final dissertation, ending up defending their thesis which can be challenging and rigorous. In conclusion, as discussed above, every stage of education is defined to convey certain level of knowledge to students. Depending on the course, overall and accurate materials are prepared for bachelor's and Master's degree programs. However, it is common to see during the former category (BS), extracurricular studies are arranged in addition to major career whereas the latter one (MS) is confined and restricted to one specific area of science.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Curriculum content is a source of debate among those attending university. Some students advocate for extra modules, in addition to their main subject, while others take an opposing view, suggesting that study schedules should be confined to specific syllabi. However, a well-rounded education is a combination of both and I subscribe to the notion, that a balanced programprogramme will prepare attendees thoroughly based on their goals and expectations. On one hand, every student has different goals to achieve which should be highlighted before choosing a career. Some degrees suggest a wide range of studies, such as bachelor's degrees, which givesgive participants a broad perspective on their tertiary education. In this context, it is essential for this level of education to foster knowledge-seekers' general know-how about the science regarding their degrees. For example, a Bachelor of Science (BS) and Bachelor of ArtArts (BA), are among courses that aim to teach attendantsattendees a variety of topics, including principles of engineering and trading respectively. Therefore, introducing extracurricular subjects would be constructive and beneficial for students at this stage, especially for overachievers. On the flip side, in terms of higher education like Master of Science (MS) and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), which are precisely and meticulously designed for specific subject areas, additional subjects would be absurd and unnecessary, because these types of advanced degrees are associated with one particular dissertation, requiring students to allocate a great deal of attention and time in order to make progress in that special area of science. As a result, the less students devote their time and energy to other supplementary subjects, the less they waste their effort. For example, when it comes to finishing the Master's and PhD degrees, experts are obliged to spend at least one year completing their research and managing their final dissertation, ending up defending their thesis, which can be challenging and rigorous. In conclusion, as discussed above, every stage of education is defined to convey a certain level of knowledge to students. Depending on the course, overall and accurate materials are prepared for bachelor's and Master's degree programsprogrammes. However, it is common to see during the former category (BS), extracurricular studies are arranged in addition to the major career, whereas the latter one (MS) is confined and restricted to one specific area of science.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Curriculum content is a source of debate among those attending university. Some students advocate for extra modules, in addition to their main subject, while others take an opposing view, suggesting that study schedules should be confined to specific syllabi. However, a well-rounded education is a combination of both and I subscribe to the notion, that a balanced program will prepare attendees thoroughly based on their goals and expectations.
Curriculum content is a topic of considerable debate among university students. Some advocate for the inclusion of extra modules alongside their main subjects, while others argue that study schedules should be limited to specific syllabi. However, I believe that a well-rounded education is a combination of both approaches, and that a balanced program will thoroughly prepare students based on their goals and expectations.
On one hand, every student has different goals to achieve which should be highlighted before choosing a career. Some degrees suggest a wide range of studies, such as bachelor 's degrees, which gives participants a broad perspective on their tertiary education. In this context, it essential for this level of education to foster knowledge-seekers general know-how about the science regarding their degrees. For example, a Bachelor of Science (BS) and Bachelor of Art (BA), are among courses that aim to teach attendants a variety of topics, including principles of engineering and trading respectively. Therefore, introducing extracurricular subjects would be constructive and beneficial for students at this stage, especially for overachievers.
On one hand, every student has different objectives that should be clarified before choosing a career path. Some degrees, such as bachelor's degrees, offer a wide range of studies, providing participants with a broad perspective on their tertiary education. In this context, it is essential for this level of education to foster a general understanding of the sciences related to their degrees. For example, a Bachelor of Science (BS) and a Bachelor of Arts (BA) are courses designed to teach students a variety of topics, including principles of engineering and economics, respectively. Therefore, introducing extracurricular subjects can be constructive and beneficial for students at this stage, particularly for those who are high achievers.
On the flip side, in terms of higher education like Master of Science (MS) and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), which are precisely and meticulously designed for specific subject areas, additional subjects would be absurd and unnecessary, because these types of advanced degrees are associated with one particular dissertation, requiring students to allocate a great deal of attention and time in order to make progress in that special area of science. As a result, the less students devote their time and energy to other supplementary subjects, the less they waste their effort. For example, when it comes to finishing the Master's and PhD degrees, experts are obliged to spend at least one year completing their research and managing their final dissertation, ending up defending their thesis which can be challenging and rigorous.
On the other hand, in terms of higher education, such as Master of Science (MS) and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) programs, which are meticulously designed for specific subject areas, the inclusion of additional subjects may be seen as unnecessary. These advanced degrees are closely associated with a particular dissertation, requiring students to dedicate significant time and attention to their specialized field of study. Consequently, the less time students spend on supplementary subjects, the more focused their efforts will be. For instance, when pursuing a Master's or PhD degree, students are often required to spend at least a year completing their research and managing their final dissertation, culminating in a thesis defense that can be both challenging and rigorous.
In conclusion, as discussed above, every stage of education is defined to convey certain level of knowledge to students. Depending on the course, overall and accurate materials are prepared for bachelor's and Master's degree programs. However, it is common to see during the former category (BS), extracurricular studies are arranged in addition to major career whereas the latter one (MS) is confined and restricted to one specific area of science.
In conclusion, as discussed above, each stage of education is designed to convey a certain level of knowledge to students. Depending on the course, comprehensive and relevant materials are prepared for both bachelor's and master's degree programs. However, it is common to see that in the former category (BS), extracurricular studies are offered in addition to the major, while the latter category (MS) is typically confined to a specific area of study.
Band Score: 7

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Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, advocating for a balanced approach to education. The examples given, such as the Bachelor of Science and Master of Science degrees, help illustrate the points made. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer's opinion in the introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Transition words and phrases such as "on one hand," "on the flip side," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay could improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, perhaps by summarizing the main point of each paragraph before moving on to the next.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "curriculum content," "extracurricular subjects," "dissertation," and "rigorous." The use of specific examples, such as Bachelor of Science and Master of Science degrees, adds depth to the discussion. However, there are minor errors in word choice and usage, such as "bachelor 's degrees" (should be "bachelor's degrees") and "attendants" (should be "students" or "participants"). Paying attention to these details can enhance the overall lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which contribute to a higher level of grammatical range. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "it essential" (should be "it is essential") and "a certain level of knowledge" (should be "certain levels of knowledge"). Additionally, the sentence "I subscribe to the notion, that a balanced program will prepare attendees thoroughly based on their goals and expectations" contains an unnecessary comma. Addressing these errors would improve grammatical accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Opinion: Make the writer's opinion more explicit in both the introduction and conclusion to strengthen the argument.
  2. Enhance Coherence: Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
  3. Refine Lexical Choice: Pay attention to word choice and correct minor errors to enhance clarity and precision.
  4. Improve Grammatical Accuracy: Review and correct grammatical errors to improve the overall quality of the writing.

Overall, the essay presents a well-reasoned argument with relevant examples, but attention to detail in language use and structure could further enhance its effectiveness.

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