Question:
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Response:
Is it important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. There are two main perspectives when it comes to making decisions. Whether you wish to trust your heart or your mind, in other words, to act by logic or feelings, you are obligated to choose only one way. While some might argue that the only worthy pattern is the one followed by reasons and logic, others believe that taking risks and listening to their hearts have changed their paths of life incredibly. On one hand, when you have to make a life-changing decision, you would rather scrutinize every aspect of that situation in order to not have regrets after the outcomes. In this case, you have enough time to utilize other people's wisdom and experience, and play the odds. The results are most welcomed when you try to diminish the element of surprise. I believe when you are dealing with huge personal or professional problems in your life, it makes more sense to have a comprehensive view that entails multiple factors in order to make the best possible decision. On the other hand, some argue that taking risks has its own benefits and advantages. For example, these people are symbols of courage and free spirit in public belief. Undeniably, there have been times in our lives that only by making prompt decisions, we turned the circumstances in our favor, so in a fair statement, all hasty decisions do not end up catastrophically. Besides, many well-known faces like Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison had to take risks and those decisions led to great success for them. I also believe that some sometimes, when we are not one hundred percent sure of our decision and its results, it is better to take chances and let the universe handle the situation. In conclusion, it depends on you and your personality whether you prefer to take your chances as much as possible, or try to think the whole condition through. I myself, as a person that tends to act by logic, think that the advantages of taking risks do not outweigh the disadvantages.
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Is it important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.? Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. There are two main perspectives when it comes to making decisions. Whether you wish to trust your heart or your mind, in other words, to act by logic or feelings, you are obligated to choose only one way. While some might argue that the only worthy pattern is the one followed by reasonsreason and logic, others believe that taking risks and listening to their hearts have changed their paths of life incredibly. On one hand, when you have to make a life-changing decision, you would rather scrutinizescrutinise every aspect of that situation in order to not have avoid regrets after the outcomes. In this case, you have enough time to utilizeutilise other people's wisdom and experience, and play the odds. The results are most welcomedwelcome when you try to diminish the element of surprise. I believe when you are dealing with huge personal or professional problems in your life, it makes more sense to have a comprehensive view that entails multiple factors in order to make the best possible decision. On the other hand, some argue that taking risks has its own benefits and advantages. For example, these people are symbols of courage and free spirit in public belief. Undeniably, there have been times in our lives that only by making prompt decisions, we turned the circumstances in our favorfavour, so in a fair statement, all hasty decisions do not end up catastrophically. Besides, many well-known facesfigures like Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison had to take risks and those decisions led to great success for them. I also believe that some sometimes, when we are not one hundred percent sure of our decision and its results, it is better to take chances and let the universe handle the situation. In conclusion, it depends on you and your personality whether you prefer to take your chances as much as possible, or try to think the whole conditionsituation through. I myself, as a person thatwho tends to act by logic, think that the advantages of taking risks do not outweigh the disadvantages.
Band Score: 6.5

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Task Response

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the response could be more explicitly structured to directly answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Position: The writer's position is clear in the conclusion, stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison, to support the argument that taking risks can lead to success. However, these examples could be more detailed to strengthen the argument. Additionally, personal examples or more specific scenarios could enhance the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each discussing different aspects of the topic. However, the introduction could be more focused on the main question rather than discussing decision-making in general.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases are used, but the connection between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing logical decision-making and risk-taking could be more seamless.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more decisive in reiterating the writer's stance on the balance of advantages and disadvantages.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like "scrutinize," "comprehensive view," and "hasty decisions." However, there is room for more precise and varied language to enhance the argument.
  • Spelling and Word Choice: There are minor issues with word choice, such as "symbols of courage and free spirit in public belief," which could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, but some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "I also believe that some sometimes," which should be corrected to maintain clarity and professionalism.
  • Punctuation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, particularly in longer sentences.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify the Thesis: Make the thesis statement more explicit in the introduction, directly addressing whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages.
  2. Enhance Examples: Provide more detailed examples and personal experiences to support the arguments, making them more relatable and convincing.
  3. Improve Cohesion: Use more transitional phrases to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  4. Refine Language: Simplify complex sentences and ensure precise word choice to enhance clarity and impact.
  5. Proofread: Carefully proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve overall readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay can present a more balanced and compelling argument regarding the importance of taking risks in life.

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