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Question:
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Response:
It is true that in some parts of the world, people can easily purchase food which is produced globally. While I believe this attitude could be negative, it has more advantages. There are various positives regardless of this progress. Firstly, individuals could access simultaneously to all kind of products which are generated by factories. Secondly, people would consume different sort of food which is produced in other countries. For example, Chinese noodle and sushi, which is extremely well-known, are found in many countries and people could enjoy having them and knowing Chinese food culture. Finally, individuals could have various choices in order to purchasing food. For instance, vegetarian people who do not eat meat or egg, could find different kind of sources that is suitable for them. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks for this development. If people tend to buy different kind of products, this progress would increase consumerism. This process could contribute to rise the waste of products which is generated by people. For example, by consuming different food, the amount of waste which is produced all over the world, will soar. Not only does it increase consumerism, but also it would rise the amount of disposal waste. Research has shown that by the end of the 2050, the amount of food packing will have increased up to 43%. In conclusion, although it could affect consumerism badly, I think that it could benefit individuals.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is true that in some parts of the world, people can easily purchase food whichthat is produced globally. While I believe this attitude could be negative, it has more advantages. There are various positives regardless of this progress. Firstly, individuals could access simultaneously to all kindkinds of products whichthat are generated by factories. Secondly, people would consume different sortsorts of food whichthat is produced in other countries. For example, Chinese noodlenoodles and sushi, which isare extremely well-known, are found in many countries, and people could enjoy having them and knowinglearning about Chinese food culture. Finally, individuals could have various choices in order to purchasingpurchase food. For instance, vegetarian people who do not eat meat or egg,eggs could find different kindkinds of sources that isare suitable for them. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks forto this development. If people tend to buy different kindkinds of products, this progress would increase consumerism. This process could contribute to rise the rising waste of products which isthat are generated by people. For example, by consuming different food, the amount of waste whichthat is produced all over the world, will soar. Not only does it increase consumerism, but also it would risealso raise the amount of disposaldisposable waste. Research has shown that by the end of the 2050, the amount of food packingpackaging will have increased by up to 43%. In conclusion, although it could affect consumerism badly, I think that it could benefit individuals.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is true that in some parts of the world, people can easily purchase food which is produced globally. While I believe this attitude could be negative, it has more advantages.
It is true that in some parts of the world, people can easily purchase food produced globally. While I believe this trend could have negative implications, it offers more advantages.
There are various positives regardless of this progress. Firstly, individuals could access simultaneously to all kind of products which are generated by factories. Secondly, people would consume different sort of food which is produced in other countries. For example, Chinese noodle and sushi, which is extremely well-known, are found in many countries and people could enjoy having them and knowing Chinese food culture. Finally, individuals could have various choices in order to purchasing food. For instance, vegetarian people who do not eat meat or egg, could find different kind of sources that is suitable for them.
There are various benefits associated with this development. Firstly, individuals can access a wide range of products generated by factories around the world. Secondly, people can enjoy diverse types of food from different countries. For example, Chinese noodles and sushi, which are extremely well-known, can be found in many countries, allowing people to appreciate and experience Chinese food culture. Finally, individuals have a variety of choices when it comes to purchasing food. For instance, vegetarians who do not consume meat or eggs can find different sources of nutrition that are suitable for their dietary preferences.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks for this development. If people tend to buy different kind of products, this progress would increase consumerism. This process could contribute to rise the waste of products which is generated by people. For example, by consuming different food, the amount of waste which is produced all over the world, will soar. Not only does it increase consumerism, but also it would rise the amount of disposal waste. Research has shown that by the end of the 2050, the amount of food packing will have increased up to 43%.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks to this trend. If people tend to buy a wide array of products, it may lead to increased consumerism. This phenomenon could contribute to a rise in waste generated by consumers. For example, the consumption of diverse foods can significantly increase the amount of waste produced globally. Not only does this trend promote consumerism, but it also raises the volume of disposable waste. Research has shown that by the year 2050, the amount of food packaging is expected to increase by up to 43%.
In conclusion, although it could affect consumerism badly, I think that it could benefit individuals.
In conclusion, although this trend may negatively impact consumerism, I believe it ultimately benefits individuals by providing them with greater access to diverse food options.
Band Score: 5.5

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the availability of globally produced food in supermarkets. However, the essay does not clearly state whether the development is predominantly positive or negative, which is crucial for a balanced argument.
  • Word Count: The essay falls short of the minimum word count requirement of 250 words. This limits the depth of analysis and the development of ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is organized into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a logical structure, but the introduction could be more explicit in stating the writer's position.
  • Cohesion: The use of linking words such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" helps in organizing the points. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, especially when moving from positive to negative aspects.
  • Paragraph Development: Each paragraph presents distinct ideas, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited due to the short length of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "consumerism," "waste," and "food culture." However, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "individuals could access simultaneously to all kind of products."
  • Precision: There are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, "attitude" in the introduction is not the best fit for the context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly structured, such as "individuals could have various choices in order to purchasing food."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ("different kind of sources that is suitable") and incorrect verb forms ("rise the waste").
  • Punctuation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are minor issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences.

Recommendations

  1. Expand the Essay: Aim to meet the minimum word count by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each point.
  2. Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is reflected consistently throughout the essay.
  3. Improve Transitions: Use more varied and precise linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  4. Enhance Vocabulary: Work on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary.
  5. Review Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy. Consider using grammar checking tools or seeking feedback from a teacher or peer.
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