Writing evaluation result for: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an... - Balang

Question: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory j...

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It is argued that some people prefer to remain content with circumstances in undesirable situations while others make efforts to change the existing situation. In my opinion, doing your best even in challenges will lessen the distance to your goal. Some people don’t strive to overcome challenges because they believe in fate. They contend that trying to improve life means fighting withagainst fate. These people tolerate a permanentpermanently unfavorable, job, partner, or even government for many years due to the belief that fate doesn’t change. Moreover, some people obeyaccept the present circumstances because of fear. For example, some workers are dissatisfied with their job salary, but they will never explain it to their employers to preventavoid being fired. As a result, workers remain dissatisfied because they don’t take measuressteps to change their situation. On the contrary, those on the other side of the argument say opportunities are hidden in hardships. Only people who can considersee these challenges as opportunities will be successful. We have seen many people in history who overcame hardships and accomplishedachieved their mission. For example, a great Persian poet called Ferdowsi wrote a poet inpoem over 30 years. He spent a lot of money and time on writing f to complete ShahnameShahnameh, and he also mentions in his poem that he's lost most of his wealth in this way. Ferdowsi went through endured many challenges, but now we can seeappreciate one of the most valuable Persian masterpieces. In conclusion, considering both views on whether staying unturnedunchanged is effective or making an effort, I believe that hardships test individuals' capability and determination. So, incapable people will stay unturnedpassive and be influenced by fate and fear.

This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.

It is argued that some people prefer to remain content with circumstances in undesirable situations while others make efforts to change the existing situation. In my opinion, doing your best even in challenges will lessen the distance to your goal.

It is argued that some people choose to accept undesirable circumstances while others strive to change their situation. In my opinion, persistent effort during challenges significantly reduces the distance to one's goals.

Some people don’t strive to overcome challenges because they believe in fate. They contend that trying to improve life means fighting with fate. These people tolerate a permanent unfavorable, job, partner, or even government for many years due to the belief that fate doesn’t change. Moreover, some people obey the present circumstances because of fear. For example, some workers are dissatisfied with their job salary, but they will never explain it to their employers to prevent being fired. As a result, workers remain dissatisfied because they don’t take measures to change their situation.

Some individuals refrain from overcoming difficulties due to their belief in fate. They argue that attempting to improve one's life equates to resisting destiny. Consequently, they endure unsatisfactory jobs, relationships, or governance for extended periods, convinced that fate is unchangeable. Additionally, fear prevents many from challenging their circumstances. For instance, numerous employees tolerate inadequate salaries without requesting raises, fearing potential dismissal. This passive acceptance perpetuates their dissatisfaction indefinitely.

On the contrary, those on the other side of the argument say opportunities are hidden in hardships. Only people who can consider these challenges as opportunities will be successful. We have seen many people in history who overcame hardships and accomplished their mission. For example, a great Persian poet called Ferdowsi wrote a poet in 30 years. He spent a lot of money and time on writing f to complete Shahname and he also mentions in his poem that he's lost most of his wealth in this way. Ferdowsi went through many challenges but now we can see one of the most valuable Persian masterpieces.

Conversely, others recognize that opportunities often emerge from adversity. History demonstrates that those who perceive challenges as opportunities frequently achieve remarkable success. Ferdowsi, the renowned Persian poet, exemplifies this perspective. He dedicated thirty years and substantial resources to composing the Shahnameh, acknowledging in his verses how this endeavor depleted his wealth. Despite these hardships, his perseverance produced one of Persian literature's most treasured masterpieces.

In conclusion, considering both views on whether staying unturned is effective or making an effort, I believe that hardships test individuals' capability and determination. So, incapable people will stay unturned and be influenced by fate and fear.

In conclusion, while perspectives differ regarding passive acceptance versus active change, I maintain that challenges measure an individual's capability and determination. Therefore, only those lacking these qualities remain passive, constrained by fear and fatalistic beliefs.

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Check your essay for this topic

Overall Band Score

6.5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

strong

Grammar Accuracy

average

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

average

Task Response

strong

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the argument could be more balanced. The first view (accepting bad situations) is explained with reasonable examples, but the second view (trying to improve) could be developed further with more contemporary or relatable examples beyond historical figures. The conclusion restates the opinion but could summarize the discussion more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing fear to historical examples feels abrupt. Using linking phrases like "In contrast," or "Furthermore," would improve flow. The conclusion could also better tie together the arguments presented.

Lexical Resource:
Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some word choices are awkward or unclear (e.g., "stay unturned" instead of "remain passive"). There are also minor errors ("wrote a poet" should be "wrote a poem"). More varied and precise vocabulary would strengthen the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors, including tense inconsistencies ("he's lost" should be "he lost"), incorrect prepositions ("wrote a poet in 30 years" should be "wrote a poem over 30 years"), and awkward phrasing ("doing your best even in challenges will lessen the distance to your goal"). More complex sentence structures and improved accuracy would enhance clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement:

Strengthen the second argument with modern examples (e.g., career changes, financial struggles).
Improve transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
Revise awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
Expand the conclusion to better summarize both views before stating the opinion.

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from refinement in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar.