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Question:
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement??
Response:
Saving up money has become a crucial factor amongst many people, especially youngsters. I completely agree with this statement as putting aside money not only allows for further educational development, but also fosters a sense of reassurance as well as confidence. Nowadays, having access to almost anything is made possible if one has money and resources. Whether it be ecucation or starting a business, money counts as one of the most important assets. Therefore, it is vital for parents to put aside a part of their income to invest in the future of their children. For instance, many american parents are now saving up money every year so that when their young ones reach 18, they are able to go to college and persue further education and as a result, become a distinctive member of society. It is true that money cannot buy happiness, but it sure can buy everything that makes someone happy. Additionally, having enough money, boosts the individuals' confidence and make them believe they are able to manage the upcoming challenges life brings. As a result, people are able to invest in new hobbies which will eventually enhance their mental well-being such as going to the gym or learning how to play an instrument. Such activities reduce stress levels and at times cure depression. In conclusion, I content that saving up money is necessary for pretty much everyone, including young adults. It can help them to follow their dreams and reach their goals conviniently, make them feel confident and allow them to experience desired hobbies.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Saving up money has become a crucial factor amongstamong many people, especially youngsters. I completely agree with this statement as putting aside money not only allows for further educational development, but also fosters a sense of reassurance as well as confidence. Nowadays, having access to almost anything is made possible if one has money and resources. Whether it be ecucationeducation or starting a business, money counts as one of the most important assets. Therefore, it is vital for parents to putset aside a part of their income to invest in the future of their children. For instance, many americanAmerican parents are now saving up money every year so that when their young ones reach 18, they are able to go to college and persuepursue further education and, as a result, become a distinctive member of society. It is true that money cannot buy happiness, but it sure can buy everything that makes someone happy. Additionally, having enough money, boosts the individuals' confidence and makemakes them believe they are able to manage the upcoming challenges life brings. As a result, people are able to invest in new hobbies which will eventually enhance their mental well-being, such as going to the gym or learning how to play an instrument. Such activities reduce stress levels and, at times, cure depression. In conclusion, I contentcontend that saving up money is necessary for pretty much everyone, including young adults. It can help them to follow their dreams and reach their goals convinientlyconveniently, make them feel confident, and allow them to experience desired hobbies.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Saving up money has become a crucial factor amongst many people, especially youngsters. I completely agree with this statement as putting aside money not only allows for further educational development, but also fosters a sense of reassurance as well as confidence.
Saving money has become a crucial factor for many people, especially young individuals. I completely agree with this statement, as setting aside money not only facilitates further educational development but also fosters a sense of reassurance and confidence.
Nowadays, having access to almost anything is made possible if one has money and resources. Whether it be ecucation or starting a business, money counts as one of the most important assets. Therefore, it is vital for parents to put aside a part of their income to invest in the future of their children. For instance, many american parents are now saving up money every year so that when their young ones reach 18, they are able to go to college and persue further education and as a result, become a distinctive member of society.
In today's world, having access to almost anything is possible if one has money and resources. Whether it involves education or starting a business, money is one of the most important assets. Therefore, it is vital for parents to allocate a portion of their income to invest in their children's future. For instance, many American parents save money each year so that when their children turn 18, they can attend college and pursue further education, ultimately becoming distinguished members of society.
It is true that money cannot buy happiness, but it sure can buy everything that makes someone happy. Additionally, having enough money, boosts the individuals' confidence and make them believe they are able to manage the upcoming challenges life brings. As a result, people are able to invest in new hobbies which will eventually enhance their mental well-being such as going to the gym or learning how to play an instrument. Such activities reduce stress levels and at times cure depression.
While it is true that money cannot buy happiness, it can certainly purchase many things that contribute to one's happiness. Additionally, having sufficient funds boosts individuals' confidence and helps them believe they can manage the challenges that life presents. As a result, people are able to invest in new hobbies that enhance their mental well-being, such as going to the gym or learning to play a musical instrument. Such activities can reduce stress levels and, at times, alleviate depression.
In conclusion, I content that saving up money is necessary for pretty much everyone, including young adults. It can help them to follow their dreams and reach their goals conviniently, make them feel confident and allow them to experience desired hobbies.
In conclusion, I contend that saving money is essential for nearly everyone, including young adults. It can help them pursue their dreams and achieve their goals conveniently, instill confidence, and allow them to engage in fulfilling hobbies.
Band Score: 7

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. The writer clearly states their agreement with the statement and provides reasons to support their viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential counterarguments or limitations to the idea of saving money, such as the challenges young people might face in saving due to low income or high living costs.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically sequenced, and the use of linking words such as "therefore," "for instance," and "additionally" helps to connect the points. However, the transition between the paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the second paragraph could begin with a sentence that links the idea of saving for education to the broader concept of financial security.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and relevant to the topic. Words and phrases like "crucial factor," "educational development," "reassurance," and "mental well-being" demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some spelling errors, such as "ecucation" (education), "persue" (pursue), "conviniently" (conveniently), and "content" (contend). Correcting these errors would enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors that need attention. For example, "boosts the individuals' confidence and make them believe" should be "boosts the individual's confidence and makes them believe." Additionally, the phrase "many american parents" should be "many American parents," as nationalities should be capitalized. Addressing these errors would improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Address Counterarguments: Consider discussing potential challenges or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
  2. Improve Transitions: Enhance the coherence by improving transitions between paragraphs.
  3. Correct Spelling and Grammar: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity and accuracy.
  4. Expand on Ideas: Provide more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen the arguments presented.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the importance of saving money for the future, but addressing the above suggestions would enhance its quality.

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