Writing evaluation result for: In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all... - Balang

Question:

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Response:

It is claimed that processed portions are ubiquitous in supermarkets internationally. While I accept that these meals may bring some positive sides, they are mainly negative. On the one hand, produced food can tackle the problem of hectic lifestyles. As individuals dealing with a busy schedule nowadays in terms of business or study, a convenient approach to food is of paramount importance. In fact, processed food might be considered a time-saving solution regarding people's daily rush. Above that, large scale produced portions can provide various choices for all consumers. For example, meat-free products of all types are widely accessible for vegetarians so that they would be able to choose any desirable food. On the other hand, processed food which can be sold in supermarkets bring many health issues and provokes laziness. Firstly, with food being widely accessible in supermarkets, people would lose their eagerness to cook for their own. If individuals do not understand the necessity of physical activities like making portions for their family, they will follow a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, these portions have numerous drawbacks regarding their health standards so that overusing them would lead to many physical disorders like obesity. Produced food mainly consist extra fat, sugar and saturated salt which are detrimental for human body. For example, an average intake of harmful fat from produced hamburgers is twice as much as home made one. In conclusion, although the variety of food in supermarkets present some usefulness due to their convenience, they would have negative effects on people's health and promotes sedentary lifestyle.

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.

It is claimed that processed portions are ubiquitous in supermarkets internationally. While I accept that these meals may bring some positive sidesaspects, they are mainly negative. On the one hand, producedprocessed food can tackle the problem of hectic lifestyles. As individuals dealingdeal with a busy schedule nowadays in terms of business or study, a convenient approach to food is of paramount importance. In fact, processed food might be considered a time-saving solution regarding people's daily rush. Above thatMoreover, large -scale produced portions can provide various choices for all consumers. For example, meat-free products of all types are widely accessible for vegetarians so that they would be able to can choose any desirable food. On the other hand, processed food whichthat can be sold in supermarkets bringbrings many health issues and provokes laziness. Firstly, with food being widely accessible in supermarkets, people wouldmay lose their eagerness to cook for their ownthemselves. If individuals do not understand the necessity of physical activities like makingpreparing portions for their family, they will follow a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, these portions have numerous drawbacks regarding their health standards, so that overusing them would lead to many physical disorders like obesity. ProducedProcessed food mainly consistconsists of extra fat, sugar, and saturated salt, which are detrimental forto the human body. For example, an average intake of harmful fat from producedprocessed hamburgers is twice as much as home madea homemade one. In conclusion, although the variety of food in supermarkets presentpresents some usefulness due to their convenience, they would have negative effects on people's health and promotespromote a sedentary lifestyle.

This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.

It is claimed that processed portions are ubiquitous in supermarkets internationally. While I accept that these meals may bring some positive sides, they are mainly negative.

It is claimed that processed foods are ubiquitous in supermarkets worldwide. While I acknowledge that these meals may offer some advantages, I believe their drawbacks are far more significant.

On the one hand, produced food can tackle the problem of hectic lifestyles. As individuals dealing with a busy schedule nowadays in terms of business or study, a convenient approach to food is of paramount importance. In fact, processed food might be considered a time-saving solution regarding people's daily rush. Above that, large scale produced portions can provide various choices for all consumers. For example, meat-free products of all types are widely accessible for vegetarians so that they would be able to choose any desirable food.

On the one hand, processed foods can address the challenges posed by hectic lifestyles. In today's fast-paced world, where individuals often juggle demanding work or study schedules, convenient food options are of paramount importance. In fact, processed foods can be seen as a time-saving solution for people navigating their daily rush. Furthermore, mass-produced items provide a wide variety of choices for consumers. For instance, meat-free products are readily available for vegetarians, allowing them to select from a diverse range of appealing options.

On the other hand, processed food which can be sold in supermarkets bring many health issues and provokes laziness. Firstly, with food being widely accessible in supermarkets, people would lose their eagerness to cook for their own. If individuals do not understand the necessity of physical activities like making portions for their family, they will follow a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, these portions have numerous drawbacks regarding their health standards so that overusing them would lead to many physical disorders like obesity. Produced food mainly consist extra fat, sugar and saturated salt which are detrimental for human body. For example, an average intake of harmful fat from produced hamburgers is twice as much as home made one.

On the other hand, the prevalence of processed foods in supermarkets brings numerous health issues and encourages laziness. Firstly, with food being so easily accessible, people may lose their motivation to cook for themselves. If individuals do not recognize the importance of engaging in physical activities, such as preparing meals for their families, they are likely to adopt a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, these processed foods often have significant health drawbacks; excessive consumption can lead to various physical disorders, including obesity. Processed foods typically contain high levels of unhealthy fats, sugars, and saturated salts, which are detrimental to the human body. For example, the average intake of harmful fats from processed hamburgers is twice that of homemade versions.

In conclusion, although the variety of food in supermarkets present some usefulness due to their convenience, they would have negative effects on people's health and promotes sedentary lifestyle.

In conclusion, although the variety of food available in supermarkets offers some benefits due to its convenience, it ultimately has negative effects on people's health and promotes a sedentary lifestyle.

Band Score: 6.5

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of having access to globally produced food in supermarkets. However, the essay leans more towards the negative aspects, which aligns with the writer's stance. The response could be improved by explicitly stating the writer's position in the introduction and conclusion, making it clearer to the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas. The use of linking words such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps in contrasting the positive and negative aspects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the conclusion could better summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the writer's stance.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and varied. Terms like "ubiquitous," "paramount importance," and "sedentary lifestyle" demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "processed portions" and "produced food," which could be replaced with more precise terms like "processed foods" or "pre-packaged foods."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, "processed food which can be sold in supermarkets bring many health issues" should be "processed foods that can be sold in supermarkets bring many health issues." Additionally, "produced food mainly consist extra fat" should be "produced foods mainly consist of extra fat."

Suggestions for Improvement

Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion.
Improve Transitions: Use more cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Refine Vocabulary: Use more precise terms for "processed portions" and "produced food."
Correct Grammatical Errors: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of prepositions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more coherent, precise, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.

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