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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Could a tree be useful if it was not allowed to have any branches? There has been dispute among certain demographics of society about whether or not other subjects should be added to the cirriculum. Some believe that it is a brilliant idea while others beg to differ. I agree with those students who are innterested in learning other subjects. On the one hand, it is often claimed that learning other subjects could waste a lot of time and energy not letting pupils focusing on their studies. For instance, in Iran there are nearly 22 credits related to religious studies which test all students should pass. Lots of students can pursue their bachelor's degree in 7 semesters rather than 8 if these subjects were not required. In addition to this fact, individuals argue that these subjects may be compeletely unrelated to their major field of study and acknowledging yourself with them is rather unbeneficial. On the other hand, humans are not one-demensional beings. Gaining knowledge about things that may not come off as useful now, will serve you in the future. One of my friends could be set as an example. She had to learn Arabic at university and once she bumped into an Arab person who tipped her around 90 USD for translating what he wanted to order to the waitress. Moreover, taking these kinds of subjects at university helps you expand your social circle. As there may not be so many opportunities to get to know students of other majors, these optional subjects are a helping hand. On the whole, time-consuming and uneffective as learning other subjects might seem, socially and financially it does not disappoint.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Could a tree be useful if it was not allowed to have any branches? There has been a dispute among certain demographics of society about whether or not other subjects should be added to the cirriculumcurriculum. Some believe that it is a brilliant idea while others beg to differ. I agree with those students who are innterestedinterested in learning other subjects. On the one hand, it is often claimed that learning other subjects could waste a lot of time and energy, not lettingallowing pupils focusingto focus on their studies. For instance, in Iran, there are nearly 22 credits related to religious studies which test all students should pass. Lots of students can pursue their bachelor's degree in 7 semesters rather than 8 if these subjects were not required. In addition to this fact, individuals argue that these subjects may be compeletelycompletely unrelated to their major field of study and acknowledgingfamiliarising yourself with them is rather unbeneficial. On the other hand, humans are not one-demensionaldimensional beings. Gaining knowledge about things that may not come off as useful now, will serve you in the future. One of my friends could be set as an example. She had to learn Arabic at university and once she bumped into an Arab person who tipped her around 90 USD for translating what he wanted to order to the waitress. Moreover, taking these kinds of subjects at university helps you expand your social circle. As there may not be so many opportunities to get to know students of other majors, these optional subjects are a helping hand. On the whole, time-consuming and uneffectiveineffective as learning other subjects might seem, socially and financially it does not disappoint.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Could a tree be useful if it was not allowed to have any branches?
Could a tree be useful if it were not allowed to have any branches?
There has been dispute among certain demographics of society about whether or not other subjects should be added to the cirriculum. Some believe that it is a brilliant idea while others beg to differ. I agree with those students who are innterested in learning other subjects.
There has been a dispute among certain demographics of society about whether or not additional subjects should be added to the curriculum. Some believe that it is a brilliant idea, while others beg to differ. I agree with those students who are interested in learning other subjects.
On the one hand, it is often claimed that learning other subjects could waste a lot of time and energy not letting pupils focusing on their studies. For instance, in Iran there are nearly 22 credits related to religious studies which test all students should pass. Lots of students can pursue their bachelor's degree in 7 semesters rather than 8 if these subjects were not required. In addition to this fact, individuals argue that these subjects may be compeletely unrelated to their major field of study and acknowledging yourself with them is rather unbeneficial.
On the one hand, it is often claimed that learning additional subjects could waste a lot of time and energy, preventing pupils from focusing on their core studies. For instance, in Iran, there are nearly 22 credits related to religious studies that all students must pass. Many students could pursue their bachelor's degree in seven semesters rather than eight if these subjects were not required. Additionally, individuals argue that these subjects may be completely unrelated to their major field of study, and familiarizing oneself with them is rather unbeneficial.
On the other hand, humans are not one-demensional beings. Gaining knowledge about things that may not come off as useful now, will serve you in the future. One of my friends could be set as an example. She had to learn Arabic at university and once she bumped into an Arab person who tipped her around 90 USD for translating what he wanted to order to the waitress. Moreover, taking these kinds of subjects at university helps you expand your social circle. As there may not be so many opportunities to get to know students of other majors, these optional subjects are a helping hand.
On the other hand, humans are not one-dimensional beings. Gaining knowledge about topics that may not seem useful now can serve you well in the future. One of my friends serves as an example. She had to learn Arabic at university, and once she encountered an Arab person who tipped her around 90 USD for translating his order to the waitress. Moreover, taking these kinds of subjects at university helps expand your social circle. Since there may not be many opportunities to get to know students from other majors, these optional subjects can be a valuable resource.
On the whole, time-consuming and uneffective as learning other subjects might seem, socially and financially it does not disappoint.
Overall, although learning other subjects may seem time-consuming and ineffective, it can be socially and financially rewarding.
Band Score: 6.5

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should learn additional subjects alongside their main subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, supporting the idea of learning other subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline the writer's stance and the structure of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint. The use of rhetorical questions and examples helps to engage the reader and illustrate points. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the essay could benefit from more cohesive devices to link the paragraphs and ideas, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Additionally."

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and varied. Words like "demographics," "unbeneficial," and "one-dimensional" demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some spelling errors, such as "cirriculum" (should be "curriculum"), "innterested" (should be "interested"), and "compeletely" (should be "completely"). Attention to spelling and word choice would enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditionals. However, there are some grammatical errors that need attention, such as "not letting pupils focusing" (should be "not allowing pupils to focus") and "acknowledging yourself with them" (should be "familiarizing oneself with them"). Correcting these errors would improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Thesis Statement: Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline your opinion and the structure of the essay.
  2. Cohesion: Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  3. Spelling and Grammar: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and accuracy.
  4. Examples: Provide more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint, which would strengthen the argument.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion with a clear opinion, but it could be improved with better cohesion, accuracy, and more detailed examples.

See more samples for this question