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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Studing beyond the main subject at university has gaind popularity among many students who aim at further developing knowledge in other areas. Although some believe that this trend can be negative, I stand with those who feel that it can have positive impact on students quality of life. In the one hand, opponents of multitasking believe that it can nagatively impact on people's qualification. First, the main reason why it is advers is that their knowledg is simplistic. They can not handle works especially the ones that need experties. However,It might be true they understand basic things about that area but it might not be enough. Secondly, it is said that job markets usually tend to be competetive. People who have a profound skills and comprehension of that subject, are more preferred than those who have a shallow information. On the other hand, I believe that students who make an effort to learn several tasks can have a bright future. They might find new solutions to address various problems just by having knowledge in different topics. I strongly think that this ability allows them to be more creative in critical thinking and find innovative ways to solve problems. Moreover, having wealth of knowledge helps them be better managers at work. They have a fair data about different professions, so they clearly understant the importance of other careers. Therefore I think the more they know about other subjects, the more they tend to support other efforts. In cunclusion, not only can learning about diverse subjects be beneficial due to enhancing creative thinking, but it can also lead students to become considerate administer. Therefore i think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages in terms of brilliant future.
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Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
StudingStudying beyond the main subject at university has gaindgained popularity among many students who aim at further developing knowledge in other areas. Although some believe that this trend can be negative, I stand with those who feel that it can have a positive impact on students' quality of life. InOn the one hand, opponents of multitasking believe that it can nagativelynegatively impact on people's qualificationqualifications. First, the main reason why it is adversadverse is that their knowledgknowledge is simplistic. They can not cannot handle workswork, especially the ones that need expertiesexpertise. However,It it might be true they understand basic things about that area, but it might not be enough. Secondly, it is said that job markets usually tend to be competetivecompetitive. People who have a profound skills and comprehension of that subject, are more preferred than those who have a shallow information. On the other hand, I believe that students who make an effort to learn several tasks can have a bright future. They might find new solutions to address various problems just by having knowledge in different topics. I strongly think that this ability allows them to be more creative in critical thinking and find innovative ways to solve problems. Moreover, having a wealth of knowledge helps them be better managers at work. They have a fair data aboutunderstanding of different professions, so they clearly understantunderstand the importance of other careers. Therefore, I think the more they know about other subjects, the more they tend to support other efforts. In cunclusionconclusion, not only can learning about diverse subjects be beneficial due to enhancing creative thinking, but it can also lead students to become considerate administeradministrators. Therefore, i I think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages in terms of a brilliant future.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Studing beyond the main subject at university has gaind popularity among many students who aim at further developing knowledge in other areas. Although some believe that this trend can be negative, I stand with those who feel that it can have positive impact on students quality of life.
Studying beyond the main subject at university has gained popularity among many students who aim to further develop their knowledge in other areas. Although some believe that this trend can be negative, I align myself with those who feel that it can have a positive impact on students' quality of life.
In the one hand, opponents of multitasking believe that it can nagatively impact on people's qualification. First, the main reason why it is advers is that their knowledg is simplistic. They can not handle works especially the ones that need experties. However,It might be true they understand basic things about that area but it might not be enough. Secondly, it is said that job markets usually tend to be competetive. People who have a profound skills and comprehension of that subject, are more preferred than those who have a shallow information.
On one hand, opponents of multitasking argue that it can negatively affect people's qualifications. First, the main reason why this is adverse is that their knowledge may be simplistic. They may struggle with tasks, especially those that require expertise. While it might be true that they understand basic concepts in that area, this may not be sufficient. Secondly, it is said that job markets tend to be competitive. Individuals with profound skills and a deep understanding of their subject are often preferred over those with only superficial knowledge.
On the other hand, I believe that students who make an effort to learn several tasks can have a bright future. They might find new solutions to address various problems just by having knowledge in different topics. I strongly think that this ability allows them to be more creative in critical thinking and find innovative ways to solve problems. Moreover, having wealth of knowledge helps them be better managers at work. They have a fair data about different professions, so they clearly understant the importance of other careers. Therefore I think the more they know about other subjects, the more they tend to support other efforts.
On the other hand, I believe that students who make an effort to learn across various disciplines can have a bright future. They may discover new solutions to address various problems simply by having knowledge in different fields. I strongly think that this ability enhances their creativity in critical thinking and enables them to find innovative ways to solve problems. Moreover, possessing a wealth of knowledge helps them become better managers in the workplace. They have a comprehensive understanding of different professions, allowing them to appreciate the importance of various careers. Therefore, I believe that the more they know about other subjects, the more likely they are to support collaborative efforts.
In cunclusion, not only can learning about diverse subjects be beneficial due to enhancing creative thinking, but it can also lead students to become considerate administer. Therefore i think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages in terms of brilliant future.
In conclusion, not only can learning about diverse subjects be beneficial in enhancing creative thinking, but it can also lead students to become considerate administrators. Therefore, I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages in terms of fostering a brilliant future.
Band Score: 5.5

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, supporting the idea of learning beyond the main subject.
  • Position: The writer's position is clear, advocating for the benefits of learning additional subjects.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides some reasoning for both sides of the argument, but it could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the points made.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using linking words or phrases to connect ideas would enhance the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For example, the transition from discussing the disadvantages to the advantages could be more seamless with appropriate linking words.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "Studing," "gaind," "nagatively," "experties," "competetive," "understant," "cunclusion," "administer"). These errors can detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "advers" instead of "adverse" and "fair data" instead of "good understanding."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("has gaind," "is advers") and subject-verb agreement issues.
  • Sentence Structure: There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack clarity. For example, "They can not handle works especially the ones that need experties" could be rephrased for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Examples and Evidence: Provide specific examples or evidence to support the points made, which would strengthen the argument.
  3. Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  4. Clarity and Precision: Ensure that sentences are clear and precise, avoiding awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices.

Overall, the essay presents a clear opinion and addresses both sides of the argument, but it would benefit from improved coherence, accuracy, and more detailed support for the points made.

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