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Question:
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement??
Response:
Saving cash matters for the futuristic perspective of life for the majority of individuals, especially the young generation. Personally, I agree with this mindset. To commence with, the economic crisis leads society to be more cautious regarding its future. Due to an increase in living expenditure on the one hand, and unstable current incomes on the other hand, every person would rather possess some safe investments. Therefore, unexpected financial disruptions can be afforded more conveniently. To exemplify, sky-rocket inflation and joblessness have become so commonplace in the Middle East, and the capital in a checking account can play a vital role in meeting a jobless folk’s primary needs once losing their careers. Reaching milestones is another reason for this trend. Anyone has imperative monetary goals that require an abundance of wealth, and these targets might be achievable if their economic resources are collected gradually. For instance, purchasing a home may be more probable for young couples only if they specify a part of their monthly revenue to this objective. Moreover, physical and mental issues have been threatening the community in recent years. As a result, along with taking care of themselves, everybody should deposit currency to their banking accounts and invest in fixed or current assets to ensure that during the sickness, their disorders can be gotten over without any need to borrow money or ask for a loan. To illustrate, during the outbreak of COVID-19, numerous employees were infected by that virus, and if they had belonged secure checking accounts, they would have been able to not only provide expensive vaccines and treat their diseases but also prepare their necessities when they were deprived of working owing to their infections. To conclude, although living in the moment and spending as much as possible sound joyful, as a consequence of the changeable situation of the contemporary world, it is wiser to devote some of the salary to be saved. In this case, recession as well as sudden corporal and intellectual breakdowns can be handled. Besides, the process of acquiring aims can be passed step by step.
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Saving cash matters for the futuristic perspective of life for the majority of individuals, especially the young generation. Personally, I agree with this mindset. To commence with, the economic crisis leads society to be more cautious regarding its future. Due to an increase in living expenditureexpenses on the one hand, and unstable current incomes on the other hand, every person would rather possess some safe investments. Therefore, unexpected financial disruptions can be affordedmanaged more conveniently. To exemplify, sky-rocketskyrocketing inflation and joblessness have become so commonplace in the Middle East, and the capital in a checking account can play a vital role in meeting a jobless folk’person's primary needs once losing their careers. Reaching milestones is another reason for this trend. AnyoneEveryone has imperative monetary goals that require an abundance of wealth, and these targets might be achievable if their economic resources are collectedaccumulated gradually. For instance, purchasing a home may be more probable for young couples only if they specifyallocate a part of their monthly revenueincome to this objective. Moreover, physical and mental issues have been threatening the community in recent years. As a result, along with taking care of themselves, everybody should deposit currencymoney to their bankingbank accounts and invest in fixed or current assets to ensure that during the sicknessillness, their disorders can be gotten over overcome without any need to borrow money or ask for a loan. To illustrate, during the outbreak of COVID-19, numerous employees were infected by that virus, and if they had belongedmaintained secure checking accounts, they would have been able to not only provide expensive vaccines and treat their diseases but also prepare their necessities when they were deprived of working owing to their infections. To conclude, although living in the moment and spending as much as possible soundsounds joyful, as a consequence of the changeable situation of the contemporary world, it is wiser to devote some of the salary to be saved. In this case, recession as well as sudden corporalphysical and intellectualmental breakdowns can be handled. Besides, the process of acquiring aimsachieving goals can be passed step by step.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Saving cash matters for the futuristic perspective of life for the majority of individuals, especially the young generation. Personally, I agree with this mindset.
Saving money is crucial for the future well-being of individuals, particularly for the younger generation. Personally, I fully support this perspective.
To commence with, the economic crisis leads society to be more cautious regarding its future. Due to an increase in living expenditure on the one hand, and unstable current incomes on the other hand, every person would rather possess some safe investments. Therefore, unexpected financial disruptions can be afforded more conveniently. To exemplify, sky-rocket inflation and joblessness have become so commonplace in the Middle East, and the capital in a checking account can play a vital role in meeting a jobless folk’s primary needs once losing their careers. Reaching milestones is another reason for this trend. Anyone has imperative monetary goals that require an abundance of wealth, and these targets might be achievable if their economic resources are collected gradually. For instance, purchasing a home may be more probable for young couples only if they specify a part of their monthly revenue to this objective.
To begin with, economic crises compel society to adopt a more cautious approach towards its financial future. With rising living costs on one hand and unstable incomes on the other, individuals are increasingly inclined to seek safe investments. This financial prudence allows them to better manage unexpected disruptions. For instance, soaring inflation and unemployment have become prevalent issues in the Middle East, where having savings in a checking account can significantly help individuals meet their basic needs after losing their jobs. Additionally, achieving financial milestones is another compelling reason for this trend. Many people have essential monetary goals that require substantial savings, and these objectives can be attained more easily if they gradually accumulate their financial resources. For example, young couples may find it more feasible to purchase a home if they allocate a portion of their monthly income towards this goal.
Moreover, physical and mental issues have been threatening the community in recent years. As a result, along with taking care of themselves, everybody should deposit currency to their banking accounts and invest in fixed or current assets to ensure that during the sickness, their disorders can be gotten over without any need to borrow money or ask for a loan. To illustrate, during the outbreak of COVID-19, numerous employees were infected by that virus, and if they had belonged secure checking accounts, they would have been able to not only provide expensive vaccines and treat their diseases but also prepare their necessities when they were deprived of working owing to their infections.
Furthermore, physical and mental health challenges have increasingly threatened communities in recent years. Consequently, in addition to taking care of their health, individuals should prioritize saving money in their bank accounts and investing in fixed or liquid assets. This financial security ensures that they can manage health-related issues without the need to borrow money or take out loans. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many employees contracted the virus, and those with secure savings were better positioned to afford expensive medical treatments and vaccines, as well as to cover their living expenses while unable to work due to their illness.
To conclude, although living in the moment and spending as much as possible sound joyful, as a consequence of the changeable situation of the contemporary world, it is wiser to devote some of the salary to be saved. In this case, recession as well as sudden corporal and intellectual breakdowns can be handled. Besides, the process of acquiring aims can be passed step by step.
In conclusion, while living in the moment and spending freely may seem enjoyable, the unpredictable nature of today’s world makes it wiser to save a portion of one’s income. By doing so, individuals can better navigate economic downturns and unexpected health crises. Moreover, the journey towards achieving financial goals can be approached step by step.
Band Score: 7

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It provides a clear stance, agreeing with the statement.
  • Examples and Explanation: The essay includes relevant examples, such as the economic crisis in the Middle East and the COVID-19 pandemic, to support the argument. These examples help illustrate the necessity of saving money for unforeseen circumstances and future goals.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument.
  • Use of Linking Words: Cohesive devices such as "to commence with," "therefore," "to exemplify," "moreover," and "to conclude" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument and connect ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "futuristic perspective," "economic crisis," "sky-rocket inflation," "imperative monetary goals," and "sudden corporal and intellectual breakdowns." This variety enhances the essay's clarity and persuasiveness.
  • Word Choice: Some phrases could be more precise or natural. For example, "futuristic perspective" might be better expressed as "future planning," and "belonged secure checking accounts" could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which demonstrate grammatical range.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "if they had belonged secure checking accounts," which should be "if they had secure checking accounts." Additionally, "Reaching milestones is another reason for this trend" could be more clearly connected to the previous point.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively argues in favor of saving money for the future, particularly for young people, by providing relevant examples and a clear structure. While the vocabulary is generally strong, some phrases could be refined for clarity and precision. Minor grammatical errors do not significantly detract from the overall quality of the essay. With slight improvements in word choice and grammar, the essay would be even more compelling.

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