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Question:
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Response:
In recent years, it is undeniable that technology stands as a pivotal role to shaping our society, as well as propelling human process. However, it is often contented that the primary goal of scientific research be the promotion of human welfare, a viewpoint that I strongly support. In this essay, I will reaffirm about the significant of science in improving human’s lives. Scientific data, such as technology, plays numerous beneficial to our lives because each day in our daily existence need technology to survive. Also, technology provides us with convenient lifestyle and reducing human suffering, especially in the field like medical stuffs. For instance, Scientific research has contribute to improvement healthcare that result in creation of vaccine. In addition, the health of individuals and communities is directly beneficial due to scientific knowledge. Hence, science is maintain our quality of life Secondly, communication tools such as mobile phones, laptops, and tablets are also necessary thing among devices that have made our life easier and convenient these day compared to the previous era. To elaborate, during COVID-19 era, we used social media platforms to spread news about this virus and condition stage of disease, and one of the most significant things that we did in the past is online learning and online working because we need to quarantine as well as staying at home to mitigate widespread of disease. Thus, Scientific technology is crucial impact on life throughout around the world. In conclusion, Science not only make high-quality to individuals but also assist us in maintaining a safe and secure lifestyle.
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In recent years, it is undeniable that technology stands as plays a pivotal role toin shaping our society, as well as propelling human processprogress. However, it is often contentedcontended that the primary goal of scientific research should be the promotion of human welfare, a viewpoint that I strongly support. In this essay, I will reaffirm about the significantsignificance of science in improving human’s lives. Scientific data, such as technology, plays numerous beneficial tobenefits in our lives because each day in our daily existence needrequires technology to survive. Also, technology provides us with a convenient lifestyle and reducingreduces human suffering, especially in the field fields like medical stuffscare. For instance, Scientificscientific research has contributecontributed to improvementimproved healthcare that resulthas resulted in the creation of vaccinevaccines. In addition, the health of individuals and communities is directly beneficialenhanced due to scientific knowledge. Hence, science is maintain maintains our quality of life. Secondly, communication tools such as mobile phones, laptops, and tablets are also necessary thing among devices that have made our lifelives easier and more convenient these daydays compared to the previous eraeras. To elaborate, during the COVID-19 era, we used social media platforms to spread news about thisthe virus and the condition stage of the disease, and one of the most significant things that we did in the past iswas online learning and online working because we needneeded to quarantine as well as stayingstay at home to mitigate widespreadthe spread of the disease. Thus, Scientificscientific technology ishas a crucial impact on life throughout around the world. In conclusion, Sciencescience not only make high-enhances the quality toof life for individuals but also assistassists us in maintaining a safe and secure lifestyle.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In recent years, it is undeniable that technology stands as a pivotal role to shaping our society, as well as propelling human process. However, it is often contented that the primary goal of scientific research be the promotion of human welfare, a viewpoint that I strongly support. In this essay, I will reaffirm about the significant of science in improving human’s lives. Scientific data, such as technology, plays numerous beneficial to our lives because each day in our daily existence need technology to survive. Also, technology provides us with convenient lifestyle and reducing human suffering, especially in the field like medical stuffs. For instance, Scientific research has contribute to improvement healthcare that result in creation of vaccine. In addition, the health of individuals and communities is directly beneficial due to scientific knowledge. Hence, science is maintain our quality of life Secondly, communication tools such as mobile phones, laptops, and tablets are also necessary thing among devices that have made our life easier and convenient these day compared to the previous era. To elaborate, during COVID-19 era, we used social media platforms to spread news about this virus and condition stage of disease, and one of the most significant things that we did in the past is online learning and online working because we need to quarantine as well as staying at home to mitigate widespread of disease. Thus, Scientific technology is crucial impact on life throughout around the world. In conclusion, Science not only make high-quality to individuals but also assist us in maintaining a safe and secure lifestyle.
In recent years, it is undeniable that technology plays a pivotal role in shaping our society and propelling human progress. However, it is often contended that the primary goal of scientific research should be the promotion of human welfare, a viewpoint that I strongly support. In this essay, I will reaffirm the significance of science in improving human lives. Scientific advancements, particularly in technology, provide numerous benefits to our lives, as we rely on technology for our daily existence. Moreover, technology offers us a more convenient lifestyle and reduces human suffering, especially in fields such as medicine. For instance, scientific research has contributed to improvements in healthcare, resulting in the creation of vaccines. Additionally, the health of individuals and communities is directly enhanced by scientific knowledge. Hence, science plays a crucial role in maintaining our quality of life. Secondly, communication tools such as mobile phones, laptops, and tablets are essential devices that have made our lives easier and more convenient compared to previous eras. To elaborate, during the COVID-19 pandemic, we utilized social media platforms to disseminate information about the virus and the status of the disease. One of the most significant developments during this time was the shift to online learning and remote work, as we needed to quarantine and stay at home to mitigate the spread of the virus. Thus, scientific technology has had a crucial impact on life around the world. In conclusion, science not only enhances the quality of life for individuals but also assists us in maintaining a safe and secure lifestyle.
Band Score: 5

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of science in improving people's lives. However, it could benefit from a clearer statement of agreement or disagreement in the introduction. The conclusion should also more explicitly restate your position.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides examples of how science improves lives, such as advancements in healthcare and communication technology. However, the examples could be more detailed and specific to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from healthcare to communication technology is abrupt. Consider using linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences are not well-connected, which affects the flow of the essay. For example, the sentence "Hence, science is maintain our quality of life" could be better integrated with the preceding ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to science and technology. However, there are some inaccuracies, such as "Scientific data, such as technology," which could be more precise. Consider using more varied and precise vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
  • Word Choice: There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "technology stands as a pivotal role to shaping our society." This could be rephrased for clarity and accuracy.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("science is maintain") and incorrect verb forms ("has contribute"). These errors can distract the reader and obscure your meaning.
  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are overly complex or fragmented, which affects readability. For example, "Scientific research has contribute to improvement healthcare that result in creation of vaccine" could be restructured for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Your Position: Clearly state your agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
  2. Enhance Coherence: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  3. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
  4. Improve Grammar and Vocabulary: Review your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
  5. Revise Sentence Structure: Simplify complex sentences and ensure each sentence clearly conveys a single idea.

By addressing these areas, your essay will be more coherent, persuasive, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.

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