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Question:
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Response:
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language. Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way. In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.
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It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or agesage. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries andto bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, andwith the objective was to raise of raising funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s globaluniversal language. Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way. In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture andor age.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.
It is often said that music possesses the power to unite and connect people across cultural boundaries and generations. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective and shall present my arguments below.
Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language.
Music undoubtedly transcends cultural and national divides, fostering global unity. A prime illustration of this phenomenon was the Live Aid concerts in the 1980s, broadcast worldwide to an immense audience. Simultaneous events in the UK and US successfully raised both funds and awareness for Ethiopian famine relief, demonstrating music's unparalleled ability to serve as a universal language that resonates with humanity collectively.
Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way.
Equally significant is music's capacity to bridge generational gaps. People of all ages appreciate captivating melodies, compelling rhythms, and exceptional vocal performances. This universal appeal explains the enduring popularity of televised music competitions like 'The Voice' or 'The X Factor', which consistently attract diverse family audiences. Unlike other entertainment forms, music uniquely creates shared experiences that span multiple generations within households.
In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.
In conclusion, music stands unparalleled in its ability to forge meaningful connections among people, regardless of cultural background or age differences. Its universal language creates bonds that few other human expressions can match.
Band Score: 9

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear and well-supported argument in favor of music’s ability to unite people across cultures and ages. The response includes relevant examples (Live Aid concerts, televised music competitions) that strengthen the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a brief acknowledgment of potential counterarguments (e.g., some genres may not appeal universally) to demonstrate a more balanced perspective.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph flows smoothly, and cohesive devices (e.g., "Perhaps the best example," "Just as it transcends cultures") help guide the reader. However, some transitions between ideas could be slightly smoother—for instance, the shift from cultural unity to generational connection feels abrupt.

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is varied and appropriate (e.g., "transcends cultures," "memorable melody," "prime-time shows"). However, there is room for more sophisticated or nuanced word choices in places (e.g., "huge success" could be replaced with "resounding success" or "unprecedented achievement"). Additionally, some phrases are slightly repetitive (e.g., "bring people together" appears multiple times).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
The grammar is mostly accurate, with a good mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was..." which could be more concise (e.g., "Simultaneously held in the UK and the US, the events aimed to..."). A few sentences could also be refined for greater clarity (e.g., "They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language" could be more direct: "They demonstrated that music is a universal language.").

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Balance the Argument: Briefly acknowledge opposing views to strengthen the essay’s depth.
  2. Enhance Transitions: Improve the flow between cultural and generational examples.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Replace repetitive phrases with more varied expressions.
  4. Refine Sentence Structure: Some sentences could be more concise or polished for clarity.

Overall, the essay is well-argued and coherent but could benefit from minor refinements in structure, vocabulary, and balance.

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