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Question:
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Response:
In the present climate, unpleasant conditions have sparked an immense amount of heated debate. There are two perspectives regarding facing them. One is accepting those circumstances and the other claims that it is more reasonable to make bad conditions better. I, for one, subscribe to the latter viewpoint. The proponents of not making any changes may provide several justifications. Firstly, altering a condition is not always possible and practical. By way of illustration, when loved ones of a person die, they are not able to do anything but to accept it. As result, the type of a situation matters. What is more, reforming might involve risk. In other words, a certain circumstance may become worse if they are changed. For instance, many people have lost a great deal of money by investing it in the stock market, hoping to increase it. On the other hand, the supporters of improving a disgusting condition may have plenty of rationales. They opine humans are not plants, which are fixed. To put it simply, situations can become more pleasant by taking appropriate measures. Take a person, for example, who is dissatisfied with their job. They can simply resign and find a more decent vacation. Furthermore, if parents decide not to make any improvements when confronting an unsuitable condition, this may have an adverse affect on them, teaching them to behave similarly in the future. One of my cousins is a case in point. He is not satisfied with his occupation and does not change it. The reason behind his decision might be related to his father, who acted in the same way in the past. Consequently, sons and daughters can be prone to behave in the similar pattern, which is a negative outcome. What can be concluded from the above is that although a group of individuals share the view that people are better off not changing an unpleasant condition, I believe it may be more rational to improve such circumstance. The reasons might be the fact that we are not fixed and can alter situations. Besides, children can be taught in the wrong way when facing an unsuitable condition.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In the present climate, unpleasant conditions have sparked an immense amount of heated debate. There are two perspectives regarding facing them. One is accepting those circumstances and the other claims that it is more reasonable to makeimprove bad conditions better. I, for one, subscribe to the latter viewpoint. The proponents of not making any changes may provide several justifications. Firstly, altering a condition is not always possible andor practical. By way of illustration, when a person's loved ones of a person die, they are not able to do anything but to accept it. As a result, the type of a situation matters. What is more, reforming might involve risk. In other words, a certain circumstance may become worse if they areit is changed. For instance, many people have lost a great deal of money by investing it in the stock market, hoping to increase it. On the other hand, the supporters of improving a disgustingan unpleasant condition may have plenty of rationales. They opine that humans are not plants, which are fixed. To put it simply, situations can become more pleasant by taking appropriate measures. Take a person, for example, who is dissatisfied with their job. They can simply resign and find a more decent vacationvocation. Furthermore, if parents decide not to make any improvements when confronting an unsuitable condition, this may have an adverse affecteffect on them, teaching them to behave similarly in the future. One of my cousins is a case in point. He is not satisfied with his occupation and does not change it. The reason behind his decision might be related to his father, who acted in the same way in the past. Consequently, sons and daughters can be prone to behave in thea similar pattern, which is a negative outcome. What can be concluded from the above is that although a group of individuals share the view that people are better off not changing an unpleasant condition, I believe it may be more rational to improve such circumstancecircumstances. The reasons might be the fact that we are not fixed and can alter situations. Besides, children can be taught in the wrong way when facing an unsuitable condition.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In the present climate, unpleasant conditions have sparked an immense amount of heated debate. There are two perspectives regarding facing them. One is accepting those circumstances and the other claims that it is more reasonable to make bad conditions better. I, for one, subscribe to the latter viewpoint.
In the present climate, challenging conditions have sparked considerable debate. There are two perspectives on addressing them: accepting circumstances as they are or striving to improve unfavorable situations. I firmly support the latter approach.
The proponents of not making any changes may provide several justifications. Firstly, altering a condition is not always possible and practical. By way of illustration, when loved ones of a person die, they are not able to do anything but to accept it. As result, the type of a situation matters. What is more, reforming might involve risk. In other words, a certain circumstance may become worse if they are changed. For instance, many people have lost a great deal of money by investing it in the stock market, hoping to increase it.
Advocates of maintaining the status quo may present several arguments. Firstly, altering circumstances is not always feasible. For example, when someone loses a loved one, acceptance is the only viable response. Additionally, attempting to change a situation may carry risks, potentially worsening it. For instance, many individuals have suffered financial losses by investing in volatile stock markets with hopes of quick gains.
On the other hand, the supporters of improving a disgusting condition may have plenty of rationales. They opine humans are not plants, which are fixed. To put it simply, situations can become more pleasant by taking appropriate measures. Take a person, for example, who is dissatisfied with their job. They can simply resign and find a more decent vacation. Furthermore, if parents decide not to make any improvements when confronting an unsuitable condition, this may have an adverse affect on them, teaching them to behave similarly in the future. One of my cousins is a case in point. He is not satisfied with his occupation and does not change it. The reason behind his decision might be related to his father, who acted in the same way in the past. Consequently, sons and daughters can be prone to behave in the similar pattern, which is a negative outcome.
Conversely, proponents of improvement argue that humans, unlike plants, possess agency. Appropriate actions can transform unfavorable conditions into better ones. Consider an individual dissatisfied with their job—they can seek alternative employment rather than endure unhappiness. Moreover, failing to address unsatisfactory circumstances may set harmful precedents, particularly for children who observe and emulate such behavior. A personal example illustrates this: my cousin remains in an unfulfilling job, likely influenced by his father’s similar passivity in the past. This perpetuates a cycle of resignation, which is ultimately detrimental.
What can be concluded from the above is that although a group of individuals share the view that people are better off not changing an unpleasant condition, I believe it may be more rational to improve such circumstance. The reasons might be the fact that we are not fixed and can alter situations. Besides, children can be taught in the wrong way when facing an unsuitable condition.
In conclusion, while some argue for accepting difficult circumstances, I maintain that actively improving them is more rational. Humans have the capacity to enact change, and inaction risks teaching future generations counterproductive coping mechanisms. Therefore, striving for better conditions is not only possible but essential.
Band Score: 6.5

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. The arguments for accepting a bad situation (such as impracticality of change and risks involved) are well-developed, as are the counterarguments advocating for improvement (human agency, potential for better outcomes, and generational influence). However, some points could be more nuanced—for example, the example of losing a loved one is extreme and not entirely relevant to job dissatisfaction or financial struggles. A stronger connection between examples and the main argument would improve clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing and a progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing risks in investing to job dissatisfaction feels abrupt. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., "In contrast," "Moreover," "As a result") would enhance flow. Additionally, the conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion but could be more concise.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some strong word choices (e.g., "proponents," "rationales," "adverse effect"). However, there are minor errors ("a more decent vacation" instead of "vocation," "disgusting condition" is too informal). Some phrasing is awkward ("the type of a situation matters" could be reworded for clarity). Expanding the range of synonyms (e.g., alternatives for "bad situation") would improve lexical variety.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good mix of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are grammatical errors:

  • Subject-verb agreement: "a group of individuals share" → "a group of individuals shares"
  • Article misuse: "find a more decent vacation" → "find a more decent vocation"
  • Preposition errors: "an adverse affect on them" → "an adverse effect on them"
  • Word choice: "teaching them to behave similarly in the future" could be reworded for clarity.

Proofreading would help eliminate these errors and improve precision.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Refine Examples: Ensure examples directly support the argument (e.g., job dissatisfaction vs. irreversible life events).
  2. Smooth Transitions: Use more linking words to improve coherence.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Replace repetitive phrases and avoid informal terms.
  4. Grammar Check: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and word forms.

Overall, the essay presents a well-reasoned discussion but would benefit from tighter phrasing and grammatical accuracy.

See more samples for this question