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Question:
Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
In today’s digital world, a wide range of ways to compete with others have emerged. Whereas many people push themselves in competition with other people in all aspects of life, many still drive pleasure from cooperating with other people, rather than fighting against each other. Although both believes are true and have their own benefits, I would like to lean toward the former. For the majority of the society cooperation in everyday life can be an extremely positive experience. Working together allows individuals to have the opportunity to communicate and gain new information from others. A good example is that, companies that divide employees in groups to handle projects together could have better results since people in the group help each other to solve the problems even if it is not their responsibility to have the best outcome, they will put so much efford to finish the project. Competition is an efficient way to improve the quality of life. Individuals can try harder and increase their knowledge after compering themselves with others in community. Comparison encourage people to trust themselves, set goals and try to reach it.Olympic games are a good example of competition among human which arise unbelievable talents between trainers with some recorded in gines book. In conclusion, even though some would rather cooperation with others in society due to enjoying themselves working and communicating with others, I would rather to compete myself with others in so many aspects of life in light of being more hardworking in each part of life, as well as more creative.
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In today’s digital world, a wide range of ways to compete with others havehas emerged. Whereas many people push themselves in competition with other people others in all aspects of life, many still drivederive pleasure from cooperating with other peopleothers, rather than fighting against each other. Although both believesbeliefs are true and have their own benefits, I would like to lean toward the former. For the majority of the society, cooperation in everyday life can be an extremely positive experience. Working together allows individuals to have the opportunity to communicate and gain new information from others. A good example is that, companies that divide employees ininto groups to handle projects together could have better results since people in the group help each other to solve the problems. even Even if it is not their responsibility to haveachieve the best outcome, they will put in so much effordeffort to finish the project. Competition is an efficient way to improve the quality of life. Individuals can try harder and increase their knowledge after comperingcomparing themselves with others in the community. Comparison encourageencourages people to trust themselves, set goals, and try to reach itthem. The Olympic gamesGames are a good example of competition among humanhumans, which arisebrings out unbelievable talents betweenamong trainers, with some recorded in gines bookthe Guinness Book. In conclusion, even though some would ratherprefer cooperation with others in society due to enjoying themselves while working and communicating with others, I would rather to compete myself with others in so many aspects of life in light of being more hardworking in each part of life, as well as more creative.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In today’s digital world, a wide range of ways to compete with others have emerged. Whereas many people push themselves in competition with other people in all aspects of life, many still drive pleasure from cooperating with other people, rather than fighting against each other. Although both believes are true and have their own benefits, I would like to lean toward the former.
In today’s digital world, a wide range of ways to compete with others has emerged. While many people push themselves to compete with others in all aspects of life, many still derive pleasure from cooperating with others rather than engaging in rivalry. Although both beliefs are valid and have their own benefits, I would like to lean toward the former.
For the majority of the society cooperation in everyday life can be an extremely positive experience. Working together allows individuals to have the opportunity to communicate and gain new information from others. A good example is that, companies that divide employees in groups to handle projects together could have better results since people in the group help each other to solve the problems even if it is not their responsibility to have the best outcome, they will put so much efford to finish the project.
For the majority of society, cooperation in everyday life can be an extremely positive experience. Working together allows individuals to communicate and gain new information from one another. A good example is companies that divide employees into groups to handle projects collaboratively; they often achieve better results since group members help each other solve problems. Even if it is not their responsibility to ensure the best outcome, they will put in considerable effort to complete the project.
Competition is an efficient way to improve the quality of life. Individuals can try harder and increase their knowledge after compering themselves with others in community. Comparison encourage people to trust themselves, set goals and try to reach it.Olympic games are a good example of competition among human which arise unbelievable talents between trainers with some recorded in gines book.
On the other hand, competition is an effective way to improve the quality of life. Individuals can strive harder and increase their knowledge by comparing themselves with others in the community. Competition encourages people to trust themselves, set goals, and work towards achieving them. The Olympic Games serve as a prime example of competition among individuals, showcasing incredible talents and achievements, with some recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records.
In conclusion, even though some would rather cooperation with others in society due to enjoying themselves working and communicating with others, I would rather to compete myself with others in so many aspects of life in light of being more hardworking in each part of life, as well as more creative.
In conclusion, although some may prefer cooperation with others in society due to the enjoyment of working and communicating together, I personally prefer to compete with others in various aspects of life. This approach fosters a stronger work ethic and enhances creativity.
Band Score: 5.5

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. However, the argument for competition could be more developed. The essay leans towards competition but does not provide a strong rationale for this preference.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as companies dividing employees into groups and the Olympic Games, to illustrate points. However, these examples could be more detailed to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from cooperation to competition could be more clearly signposted.
  • Linking Words: Some linking words and phrases are used, such as "whereas" and "in conclusion," but more could be employed to enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some errors, such as "believes" instead of "beliefs" and "efford" instead of "effort." More varied vocabulary could be used to express ideas more precisely.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward, such as "drive pleasure" which could be better expressed as "derive pleasure."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "Comparison encourage people to trust themselves," which should be "Comparison encourages people to trust themselves."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and missing articles. Punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after periods, are also present.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Develop Arguments: Provide more detailed arguments and examples for both competition and cooperation. Explain why competition is preferred with more depth.
  2. Enhance Coherence: Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately.
  4. Improve Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofread to catch punctuation errors.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.

See more samples for this question