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Question:
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Response:
Several pre-prepared food and beverage products contain too much sugar, which can lead to numerous health problems. Sugary products should experience a rise in their price to promote less sugar consumption by people. I totally agree with the statement and believe that this idea can be really helpful. A balanced diet needs to remain our body in good situation while many manufactured food and drink made of high amount of sugar. These kinds of food can result in many health problems such as diabetes and heart disease. As pre-prepared food is very cheap and easy to prepare most people prefer to buy them because they have tight schedule and have not enough time to make healthy food for themselves. However, if the price of fast-food increase, people will buy less amount of them. As many people purchase manufactured products due to their lower price by make their price higher several individuals avoid to purchase. Furthermore, governments play a significant role in this subject. They are able to rose the price and impose higher taxes on fast-food and conversely, make healthy food cheaper to encourage people to have a healthy diet. If people do not change their eating habit and continue to eat manufactured product, they can face several health problems and most of them need serious treatments. For example, if people get diabetes, they have to use specific medicine which are usually expensive and make their life harder. Instead of getting into trouble and be sick, we can invest this money on buying healthy food and change our habit. Some people insist that they love sugary food and need to be free to choose what they want to eat but I firmly defend my opinion and think that people should be made to change their diet even through compulsion or rising the price. In conclusion, as manufactured food contains high amount of sugar, sugary products should be witnessed an increase in their price to act as a motivation factor (or maybe compulsion factor) and people change their eating habit.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Several pre-prepared food and beverage products contain too much sugar, which can lead to numerous health problems. Sugary products should experience a rise in their price to promote less reduce sugar consumption by people. I totally agree with the statement and believe that this idea can be really helpful. A balanced diet needs to remainkeep our body in good situationcondition while many manufactured foodfoods and drink made of drinks contain high amountamounts of sugar. These kinds of food can result in many health problems such as diabetes and heart disease. As pre-prepared food is very cheap and easy to prepare, most people prefer to buy themit because they have tight scheduleschedules and havedo not have enough time to make healthy food for themselves. However, if the price of fast- food increaseincreases, people will buy less amount of themit. As many people purchase manufactured products due to their lower price, by makemaking their price higher, several individuals will avoid to purchasepurchasing them. Furthermore, governments play a significant role in this subjectmatter. They are able to roseraise the price and impose higher taxes on fast- food and, conversely, make healthy food cheaper to encourage people to have a healthy diet. If people do not change their eating habithabits and continue to eat manufactured productproducts, they can face several health problems, and most of them needwhich require serious treatments. For example, if people get diabetes, they have to use specific medicinemedicines, which are usually expensive and make their lifelives harder. Instead of getting into trouble and bebecoming sick, we can invest this money onin buying healthy food and changechanging our habithabits. Some people insist that they love sugary food and need to be free to choose what they want to eat, but I firmly defend my opinion and think that people should be madeencouraged to change their diet, even through compulsion or rising the priceprice increases. In conclusion, as manufactured food contains high amountamounts of sugar, sugary products should be witnessed see an increase in their price to act as a motivationmotivating factor (or maybe compulsionperhaps a compulsory factor) and encourage people to change their eating habithabits.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Several pre-prepared food and beverage products contain too much sugar, which can lead to numerous health problems. Sugary products should experience a rise in their price to promote less sugar consumption by people. I totally agree with the statement and believe that this idea can be really helpful. A balanced diet needs to remain our body in good situation while many manufactured food and drink made of high amount of sugar. These kinds of food can result in many health problems such as diabetes and heart disease. As pre-prepared food is very cheap and easy to prepare most people prefer to buy them because they have tight schedule and have not enough time to make healthy food for themselves. However, if the price of fast-food increase, people will buy less amount of them. As many people purchase manufactured products due to their lower price by make their price higher several individuals avoid to purchase. Furthermore, governments play a significant role in this subject. They are able to rose the price and impose higher taxes on fast-food and conversely, make healthy food cheaper to encourage people to have a healthy diet. If people do not change their eating habit and continue to eat manufactured product, they can face several health problems and most of them need serious treatments. For example, if people get diabetes, they have to use specific medicine which are usually expensive and make their life harder. Instead of getting into trouble and be sick, we can invest this money on buying healthy food and change our habit. Some people insist that they love sugary food and need to be free to choose what they want to eat but I firmly defend my opinion and think that people should be made to change their diet even through compulsion or rising the price. In conclusion, as manufactured food contains high amount of sugar, sugary products should be witnessed an increase in their price to act as a motivation factor (or maybe compulsion factor) and people change their eating habit.
Here is the corrected version: --- Many pre-prepared food and beverage products contain excessive amounts of sugar, which can lead to numerous health problems. Sugary products should be subject to higher prices to discourage excessive sugar consumption. I strongly agree with this statement and believe that such a measure would be highly beneficial. A balanced diet is essential for maintaining good health, yet many processed foods and drinks contain high levels of sugar. These products can contribute to serious health issues, such as diabetes and heart disease. Since pre-prepared meals are often inexpensive and convenient, many people opt for them due to busy schedules and limited time to prepare healthier alternatives. However, if the price of such foods were increased, people would likely consume them less frequently. By making processed products more expensive, fewer individuals would purchase them. Additionally, governments play a crucial role in this matter. They could implement higher taxes on unhealthy foods while simultaneously reducing the cost of nutritious options to encourage healthier dietary choices. If people do not change their eating habits and continue consuming processed foods, they may face severe health complications, many of which require costly treatments. For instance, those who develop diabetes must rely on expensive medications, significantly impacting their quality of life. Rather than facing such difficulties, individuals could invest in healthier food options and adopt better dietary habits. Some argue that they enjoy sugary foods and should have the freedom to choose what they eat. However, I firmly believe that measures such as price increases, or even stricter regulations, may be necessary to encourage healthier eating habits. In conclusion, since processed foods often contain excessive sugar, increasing their prices could serve as an effective deterrent, motivating people to adopt healthier eating habits. --- (Note: The response strictly follows the instruction to provide only the corrected text without additional commentary.)
Band Score: 6

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you agree that sugary products should be made more expensive. However, the argument could be more structured. Some points are repetitive (e.g., the idea that higher prices will reduce consumption is mentioned multiple times).
  • Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant reasons (health risks, affordability of fast food, government intervention), but some explanations are underdeveloped. For example, the link between higher prices and reduced consumption could be strengthened with evidence or examples.
  • Examples: The mention of diabetes is useful, but more specific statistics or studies would strengthen your argument.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion restates your position but could be more concise. The phrase "witnessed an increase in their price" is awkward—consider rewording for clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Some sentences feel disconnected (e.g., "Furthermore, governments play a significant role in this subject" could be better linked to the previous point).
  • Paragraphing: The second paragraph is quite long and could be split for better readability.
  • Cohesive Devices: Some phrases are repetitive ("manufactured food and drink," "sugary products"). Vary your vocabulary (e.g., "processed foods," "high-sugar items").

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary Range: You use some appropriate terms (e.g., "impose higher taxes," "balanced diet"), but there are also awkward or incorrect word choices:
    • "remain our body in good situation" → "keep our bodies healthy"
    • "rose the price" → "raise the price"
    • "avoid to purchase" → "avoid purchasing"
  • Word Forms & Collocations: Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "made of high amount of sugar" → "contain high amounts of sugar").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear:
    • "If people do not change their eating habit and continue to eat manufactured product..." → "If people do not change their eating habits and continue to consume processed foods..."
    • "They are able to rose the price" → "They can raise the price"
  • Subject-Verb Agreement: Errors like "many manufactured food" (should be "many manufactured foods").
  • Articles & Prepositions: Missing or incorrect use (e.g., "most people prefer to buy them because they have tight schedule" → "a tight schedule").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Refine Your Arguments: Avoid repetition and ensure each point adds new insight.
  2. Improve Grammar & Word Choice: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and collocations.
  3. Use More Examples: Add statistics or real-world cases (e.g., "In countries like Mexico, a sugar tax reduced soda consumption by X%").
  4. Vary Sentence Structure: Mix simple and complex sentences for better flow.
  5. Proofread: Some errors (e.g., "witnessed an increase in their price") could be caught with careful editing.

Overall, your essay presents a clear opinion but would benefit from stronger development, better grammar, and more precise vocabulary. Keep practicing!

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