Task Achievement:
The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt and provides a clear opinion. The arguments are well-developed, with relevant examples (e.g., beauty and fashion industry ads, cosmetics, and healthcare campaigns) to support each perspective. The conclusion summarizes the discussion and reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the introduction could be slightly more concise, and the personal opinion could be integrated more naturally into the body paragraphs rather than just appearing in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing and smooth transitions between ideas. The use of cohesive devices (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") helps guide the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be more varied in structure to enhance flow. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a stronger topic sentence to introduce the counterargument more clearly.
Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with terms like "ubiquitous," "desensitization," "bombardment," and "resonate" demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of words like "advertising" and "consumers," which could be replaced with synonyms (e.g., "marketing," "buyers," "audience") for greater lexical diversity. Additionally, a few phrases could be more precise—for example, "rapid growth of social media platforms" could be sharpened to "proliferation of digital advertising."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
The grammar is mostly accurate, with a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are minor issues:
Suggestions for Improvement:
Overall, this is a well-structured and thoughtful essay that effectively discusses both sides of the argument. With minor refinements in conciseness, lexical variety, and sentence structure, it could be even stronger.