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Question:
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Response:
Taking risks is an essential factor in all sides of people’s living such as professional and personal and it is undeniable. From my point of view, although taking risks may have irreparable impacts on our lives, it has a key role in our successions, for the reasons which will be discussed in this essay. First and foremost, making progress requires some crucial factors and the most important one is running risks. In other words, everyone wanting to be successful should put themselves in dangerous circumstances; otherwise, hard work and knowledge are not merely adequate. There are several people who are industrious, but they are not sufficiently courageous to take risks in their professional or personal lives, so they do not have considerable accomplishments. Furthermore, taking risks is a great tool for people to recognize their capabilities. If individuals put themselves into perilous situations, they can comprehend how much they are capable of handling a tough situation. Moreover, running risks and as a result bravery equips us to make an informed decision because there is nothing to worry about. Even though the proponents of this theory believe risks are not advisable and we should lead a smooth life both professional and personal, in my opinion, taking risks saves us from a monotonous life and brings about numerous achievements. By way of conclusion, many people consider risks as a vital parameter in people’s professional and personal lives. As far as I am concerned, taking risks has more favorable aspects for the reasons that have been brought up and clarified in this essay.
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Taking risks is an essential factor in all sidesaspects of people’s livinglives, such as professional and personal, and it is undeniable. From my point of view, although taking risks may have irreparable impacts on our lives, it hasplays a key role in our successionssuccess, for the reasons whichthat will be discussed in this essay. First and foremost, making progress requires some crucial factors, and the most important one is runningtaking risks. In other words, everyone wanting to be successful should put themselves in dangerouschallenging circumstances; otherwise, hard work and knowledge are not merely adequate. There are several people who are industrious, but they are not sufficiently courageous to take risks in their professional or personal lives, so they do not have considerablesignificant accomplishments. Furthermore, taking risks is a great tool for people to recognizerecognise their capabilities. If individuals put themselves into perilous situations, they can comprehend how much they are capable of handling a toughdifficult situation. Moreover, runningtaking risks and, as a result, bravery equipsequip us to make an informed decision because there is nothing to worry about. Even though the proponents of this theory believe risks are not advisable and we should lead a smooth life both professionalprofessionally and personalpersonally, in my opinion, taking risks saves us from a monotonous life and brings about numerous achievements. By way of conclusion, many people consider risks as a vital parameterfactor in people’s professional and personal lives. As far as I am concerned, taking risks has more favorablefavourable aspects for the reasons that have been brought up and clarified in this essay.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Taking risks is an essential factor in all sides of people’s living such as professional and personal and it is undeniable. From my point of view, although taking risks may have irreparable impacts on our lives, it has a key role in our successions, for the reasons which will be discussed in this essay.
Taking risks is an essential aspect of all areas of people's lives, both professional and personal, and this is undeniable. From my perspective, although taking risks may have irreparable impacts on our lives, it plays a crucial role in our success for the reasons that will be discussed in this essay.
First and foremost, making progress requires some crucial factors and the most important one is running risks. In other words, everyone wanting to be successful should put themselves in dangerous circumstances; otherwise, hard work and knowledge are not merely adequate. There are several people who are industrious, but they are not sufficiently courageous to take risks in their professional or personal lives, so they do not have considerable accomplishments.
First and foremost, making progress requires several key factors, with the most important being the willingness to take risks. In other words, anyone who aspires to be successful must be prepared to step outside their comfort zone; otherwise, hard work and knowledge alone may not be sufficient. There are many industrious individuals who lack the courage to take risks in their professional or personal lives, resulting in limited accomplishments.
Furthermore, taking risks is a great tool for people to recognize their capabilities. If individuals put themselves into perilous situations, they can comprehend how much they are capable of handling a tough situation. Moreover, running risks and as a result bravery equips us to make an informed decision because there is nothing to worry about.
Furthermore, taking risks serves as an excellent tool for individuals to recognize their capabilities. When people place themselves in challenging situations, they can better understand how much they are capable of handling adversity. Moreover, embracing risks fosters bravery, which equips us to make informed decisions without fear of failure.
Even though the proponents of this theory believe risks are not advisable and we should lead a smooth life both professional and personal, in my opinion, taking risks saves us from a monotonous life and brings about numerous achievements.
While proponents of a more cautious approach argue that risks are inadvisable and that we should strive for a smooth life in both our professional and personal endeavors, I believe that taking risks prevents us from leading a monotonous existence and can lead to numerous achievements.
By way of conclusion, many people consider risks as a vital parameter in people’s professional and personal lives. As far as I am concerned, taking risks has more favorable aspects for the reasons that have been brought up and clarified in this essay.
In conclusion, many people view risk-taking as a vital component of success in both professional and personal spheres. In my opinion, the benefits of taking risks outweigh the drawbacks, as I have outlined in this essay.
Band Score: 6.5

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, it could benefit from a clearer statement of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as the prompt specifically asks for this evaluation.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides reasons and examples to support the idea that taking risks is beneficial. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of risk-taking to addressing the opposing viewpoint could be more seamless.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is present, but could be more varied. Phrases like "first and foremost" and "furthermore" are used effectively, but additional linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "irreparable," "industrious," and "perilous." However, some phrases are repeated, such as "taking risks," which could be replaced with synonyms to show a wider lexical range.
  • Accuracy: There are minor errors in word choice and usage, such as "successions" which should be "successes." Attention to these details would improve the lexical accuracy.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which is commendable. However, some sentences are complex and could be simplified for clarity, such as "If individuals put themselves into perilous situations, they can comprehend how much they are capable of handling a tough situation."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "running risks and as a result bravery equips us" which could be rephrased for clarity. Punctuation is generally correct, but careful proofreading could eliminate small errors.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state whether you believe the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, as this is the main focus of the prompt.
  2. Provide Examples: Include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the points made, which would strengthen the argument.
  3. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  4. Expand Vocabulary: Use synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
  5. Simplify Complex Sentences: Break down complex sentences to improve clarity and ensure grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a thoughtful discussion on the topic, but with some refinements, it could more effectively address the prompt and demonstrate a higher level of writing proficiency.

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