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Question:
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
Response:
These days, life expectancy is much more than any other period of time, in numorous countries. Some argue that this the more eldery people we have, the more challenges are raied for the authorities. While others hold the opposite view and believe that the society can take more advatages of ageing people. Despite some narrow merits to this notion, I am leaning towards the former group and in this essay I will elaborate on my reasons. In the modern era, thanks to the privalaged medical cares which are approachable in even far reaching areas, people are less encountered to life-threatening disease, as a result they live more than their forefathers. However, as the population grows in a staggering rate, dealing with the elderly's affairs has its challenges. For instance, when the population of ageing people is high, more younger people have to work harder to provide them. In addition, medical services will be highly demanding due to the fact that ageing people are more in danger of exposuring to cronic diseases, and this, in turn, put an extra burdun in governments' shoulder to treat these retired groups of people. On the contrary, when there are more aged people in a country, it is attributted to the long-term successful policies of a government to increase life span among their residents, which is admireable. Moreover, in this situation, there will be the more experienced people in the society, which could be beneficial for families with younger members, who want to nurture thier children basede on cultural morals. In conclusion, while some are in favor of existing more elderly in the society, I foster the opposite view, as facing with numorous aging people leads to the more up coming challenges, including the more expences in terms of medical facilities as well as the more living costs.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
These days, life expectancy is much moregreater than in any other period of time, in numorousnumerous countries. Some argue that this the more elderyelderly people we have, the more challenges are raiedraised for the authorities. While others hold the opposite view and believe that the society can take more advatagesadvantages of ageing people. Despite some narrow merits to this notion, I am leaning towards the former group and in this essay, I will elaborate on my reasons. In the modern era, thanks to the privalagedprivileged medical carescare which are approachableis accessible in even far -reaching areas, people are less encounteredexposed to life-threatening disease,diseases; as a result, they live morelonger than their forefathers. However, as the population grows inat a staggering rate, dealing with the elderly's affairs has its challenges. For instance, when the population of ageing people is high, more younger people have to work harder to provide for them. In addition, medical services will be highly demanding due to the fact that ageing people are more in danger of exposuringexposure to cronicchronic diseases, and this, in turn, putputs an extra burdun inburden on governments' shouldershoulders to treat these retired groups of people. On the contrary, when there are more aged people in a country, it is attributtedattributed to the long-term successful policies of a government to increase life span among their residents, which is admireableadmirable. Moreover, in this situation, there will be the more experienced people in the society, which could be beneficial for families with younger members, who want to nurture thiertheir children basedebased on cultural morals. In conclusion, while some are in favorfavour of existinghaving more elderly in the society, I foster the opposite view, as facing with numorous aging numerous ageing people leads to the more up coming upcoming challenges, including the more expences higher expenses in terms of medical facilities as well as the more increased living costs.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
These days, life expectancy is much more than any other period of time, in numorous countries. Some argue that this the more eldery people we have, the more challenges are raied for the authorities. While others hold the opposite view and believe that the society can take more advatages of ageing people. Despite some narrow merits to this notion, I am leaning towards the former group and in this essay I will elaborate on my reasons.
These days, life expectancy is significantly higher than in any previous period, in numerous countries. Some argue that the increasing number of elderly people presents more challenges for authorities. Conversely, others believe that society can benefit from the contributions of aging individuals. Despite some limited merits to the latter view, I lean towards the former group, and in this essay, I will elaborate on my reasons.
In the modern era, thanks to the privalaged medical cares which are approachable in even far reaching areas, people are less encountered to life-threatening disease, as a result they live more than their forefathers. However, as the population grows in a staggering rate, dealing with the elderly's affairs has its challenges. For instance, when the population of ageing people is high, more younger people have to work harder to provide them. In addition, medical services will be highly demanding due to the fact that ageing people are more in danger of exposuring to cronic diseases, and this, in turn, put an extra burdun in governments' shoulder to treat these retired groups of people.
In the modern era, thanks to privileged medical care that is accessible even in remote areas, people are less exposed to life-threatening diseases, resulting in longer lifespans than those of their forefathers. However, as the population grows at a staggering rate, managing the affairs of the elderly presents significant challenges. For instance, when the population of aging individuals is high, fewer younger people are available to work and support them. Additionally, medical services will be in high demand, as elderly individuals are more susceptible to chronic diseases. This, in turn, places an extra burden on governments to provide adequate healthcare for these retired groups.
On the contrary, when there are more aged people in a country, it is attributted to the long-term successful policies of a government to increase life span among their residents, which is admireable. Moreover, in this situation, there will be the more experienced people in the society, which could be beneficial for families with younger members, who want to nurture thier children basede on cultural morals.
On the contrary, a higher number of elderly people in a country can be attributed to successful long-term policies aimed at increasing life expectancy among residents, which is commendable. Moreover, in this situation, there will be more experienced individuals in society, which can be beneficial for families with younger members who wish to nurture their children based on cultural values.
In conclusion, while some are in favor of existing more elderly in the society, I foster the opposite view, as facing with numorous aging people leads to the more up coming challenges, including the more expences in terms of medical facilities as well as the more living costs.
In conclusion, while some advocate for a greater presence of elderly individuals in society, I support the opposite view. The challenges posed by a growing aging population, including increased expenses for medical facilities and higher living costs, cannot be overlooked.
Band Score: 5.5

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, the argument could be more balanced. While the essay leans towards the disadvantages, it does not fully explore the potential benefits of an aging population. To improve, consider providing more detailed examples or arguments for the advantages, such as the wisdom and experience elderly people can offer to society.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the challenges to the benefits of an aging population could be more seamless. Using linking words and phrases such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast" can help improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling and word choice errors that detract from the overall quality. Words like "numorous" (numerous), "eldery" (elderly), "raied" (raised), "advatages" (advantages), "privalaged" (privileged), "exposuring" (exposure), "burdun" (burden), "attributted" (attributed), "admireable" (admirable), "thier" (their), "basede" (based), and "expences" (expenses) need correction. Additionally, some phrases could be more precise or varied to enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "the more eldery people we have, the more challenges are raied" should be "the more elderly people there are, the more challenges are raised." Additionally, "people are less encountered to life-threatening disease" should be "people encounter fewer life-threatening diseases." Improving sentence structure and ensuring subject-verb agreement will enhance the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Argument: Provide more detailed examples or arguments for the benefits of an aging population to create a more balanced discussion.

  2. Improve Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow between paragraphs and ideas.

  3. Enhance Vocabulary: Correct spelling errors and use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.

  4. Focus on Grammar: Pay attention to sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and other grammatical aspects to improve clarity and accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay will better meet the IELTS writing criteria and present a more compelling argument.

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