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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
There is an ongoing debate among students about studying and learning additional subjects besides their main subjects in the universities. While some believe that focusing only on their subjects has greater effects on their learning, others advocate for exploring other subjects. In my view, learning about other areas has a long-term impact on the personal and career life. On one hand, there are two different groups of university students who passion about learning other subjects while they are studying at the university. The first group are attracted to this because of enhancing their skills or acquiring knowledge for their daily conservations. So, for this purpose subjects such as history and geography are popular. The other group, they strive to learn about other academic subjects to be highly accomplished in their main area. For instance, architecture students by gaining information about other cultures make opportunities in their career to work with foreign companies. On the other hand, others argue that studying main subject should be a priority for university students. There are various reasons for this case. Firstly, they believe that their subjects are important enough, and there is no need for further mastering. In this way, areas like cardiology, involving continues studying countless books, are their full-time duties, thus, studying another subject would be a distracter for them. In addition, some consider that university is just a place for getting a qualification, and through their work and activities, they can necessary expertise or knowledge. In conclusion, students hold differing views whether they should only focus on their subjects or studying other subjects, too. Although some believe that they should only study their main subjects because of how crucial it is to them, other students argue that discovering other areas are as effective as their own subjects. I assert that learning a new subject is a key factor not only to have a successful career but also to be better in our lives.
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There is an ongoing debate among students about studying and learning additional subjects besides their main subjects in the universitiesat university. While some believe that focusing only on their subjects has greater effects on their learning, others advocate for exploring other subjects. In my view, learning about other areas has a long-term impact on the personal and career life. On one hand, there are two different groups of university students who passionare passionate about learning other subjects while they are studying at the university. The first group areis attracted to this because of enhancing their skills or acquiring knowledge for their daily conservationsconversations. So, for this purpose, subjects such as history and geography are popular. The other group, they strive strives to learn about other academic subjects to be highly accomplished in their main area. For instance, architecture students, by gaining information about other cultures, make create opportunities in their career to work with foreign companies. On the other hand, others argue that studying the main subject should be a priority for university students. There are various reasons for this case. Firstly, they believe that their subjects are important enough, and there is no need for further masteringmastery. In this way, areas like cardiology, involving continues studyingcontinuous study of countless books, are their full-time duties,; thus, studying another subject would be a distracterdistraction for them. In addition, some consider that university is just a place for getting a qualification, and through their work and activities, they can gain necessary expertise or knowledge. In conclusion, students hold differing views on whether they should only focus on their subjects or studyingstudy other subjects, too. Although some believe that they should only study their main subjects because of how crucial it is to them, other students argue that discovering other areas areis as effective as their own subjects. I assert that learning a new subject is a key factor not only to havehaving a successful career but also to bebeing better in our lives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is an ongoing debate among students about studying and learning additional subjects besides their main subjects in the universities. While some believe that focusing only on their subjects has greater effects on their learning, others advocate for exploring other subjects. In my view, learning about other areas has a long-term impact on the personal and career life.
There is an ongoing debate among students about whether to study additional subjects alongside their main disciplines at university. While some believe that focusing solely on their primary subjects enhances their learning, others advocate for the exploration of other areas. In my view, learning about diverse subjects has a long-term impact on both personal and professional development.
On one hand, there are two different groups of university students who passion about learning other subjects while they are studying at the university. The first group are attracted to this because of enhancing their skills or acquiring knowledge for their daily conservations. So, for this purpose subjects such as history and geography are popular. The other group, they strive to learn about other academic subjects to be highly accomplished in their main area. For instance, architecture students by gaining information about other cultures make opportunities in their career to work with foreign companies.
On one hand, there are two distinct groups of university students who are passionate about learning additional subjects while pursuing their degrees. The first group is motivated by the desire to enhance their skills or acquire knowledge that can enrich their daily conversations. For this purpose, subjects such as history and geography are particularly popular. The second group strives to learn about other academic fields to achieve greater success in their primary area of study. For instance, architecture students who gain insights into different cultures can create opportunities to work with international firms.
On the other hand, others argue that studying main subject should be a priority for university students. There are various reasons for this case. Firstly, they believe that their subjects are important enough, and there is no need for further mastering. In this way, areas like cardiology, involving continues studying countless books, are their full-time duties, thus, studying another subject would be a distracter for them. In addition, some consider that university is just a place for getting a qualification, and through their work and activities, they can necessary expertise or knowledge.
On the other hand, some argue that prioritizing their main subjects should be the focus for university students. There are several reasons for this perspective. Firstly, they believe that their primary subjects are sufficiently important, and there is no need for further mastery in other areas. For example, fields like cardiology require continuous study of numerous texts, making it challenging to balance additional subjects without distraction. Furthermore, some individuals view university primarily as a means to obtain a qualification, believing that they can acquire necessary expertise and knowledge through work and practical experience.
In conclusion, students hold differing views whether they should only focus on their subjects or studying other subjects, too. Although some believe that they should only study their main subjects because of how crucial it is to them, other students argue that discovering other areas are as effective as their own subjects. I assert that learning a new subject is a key factor not only to have a successful career but also to be better in our lives.
In conclusion, students hold differing views on whether they should concentrate solely on their main subjects or also study additional areas. While some argue that focusing exclusively on their primary disciplines is crucial, others contend that exploring other subjects can be equally beneficial. I assert that learning new subjects is a key factor not only for achieving a successful career but also for enhancing our overall lives.
Band Score: 6.5

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, supporting the idea that learning about other areas has long-term benefits for personal and career life. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments presented.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. The use of linking words and phrases such as "on one hand," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and varied, with some attempts at using more advanced language, such as "enhancing their skills," "acquiring knowledge," and "highly accomplished." However, there are occasional awkward phrases, such as "passion about learning" and "daily conservations," which should be corrected to "passionate about learning" and "daily conversations," respectively. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to further demonstrate lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as "there are two different groups of university students who passion about learning" and "involving continues studying countless books." These should be corrected to "there are two different groups of university students who are passionate about learning" and "involving continuous study of countless books." Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms would improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments presented.
  2. Improve transitions between ideas for better coherence and cohesion.
  3. Expand the range of vocabulary and correct awkward phrases.
  4. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb forms.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic and clearly states the writer's opinion. With some improvements in coherence, vocabulary, and grammatical accuracy, the essay could be more compelling and effective.

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