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Question:
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement??
Response:
It is important to consider how managing money can help people. There is a view that it is crucial for all people especially younger ones to save money for their future. I firmly agree with this statement and in this essay I will discuss the reasons for it. One the one hand, many young individuals prefer to focus on their current moments instead of worrying about their future. This is because it helps them to make the most of their youth by spending their money on their interests and things that makes them really happy, instead of depriving themselves from doing them. For example, a person who is in 20s may decide not go to a travel that they have always dreamed of it and instead save its money for their retirement age. Consequently, they not only scarify their precious young age but also this might effect on their life satisfaction even when they will get older. On the other hand, in my view, people should make a balance between considering their future financial security and their current time. for example, they can allocate some part of their salary for spending on their favorite activities, while saving other portions for the later unexpected situations. In doing so, they can not only take full advantage of their younger years but also enjoy the financial independency they will have. In contrast, if they solely focus on the current period, they might run out of money and be rely on others in the future. In conclusion, although people should not ruin their present moment by constantly thinking about the future, it is vital to make a balance between them and also allocate part of their income for their retirement period.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is important to consider how managing money can help people. There is a view that it is crucial for all people, especially younger ones, to save money for their future. I firmly agree with this statement, and in this essay, I will discuss the reasons for it. One On the one hand, many young individuals prefer to focus on their current moments instead of worrying about their future. This is because it helps them to make the most of their youth by spending their money on their interests and things that makesmake them really happy, instead of depriving themselves fromof doing them. For example, a person who is in their 20s may decide not to go toon a traveltrip that they have always dreamed of it and instead save itstheir money for their retirement age. Consequently, they not only scarifysacrifice their precious young age, but also this might effect on affect their life satisfaction even when they will get older. On the other hand, in my view, people should make a balance between considering their future financial security and their current time. forFor example, they can allocate some part of their salary for spending on their favoritefavourite activities, while saving other portions for the later unexpected situations. In doing so, they can not only take full advantage of their younger years but also enjoy the financial independencyindependence they will have. In contrast, if they solely focus on the current period, they might run out of money and be rely on others in the future. In conclusion, although people should not ruin their present moment by constantly thinking about the future, it is vital to make a balance between them and also allocate part of their income for their retirement period.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is important to consider how managing money can help people. There is a view that it is crucial for all people especially younger ones to save money for their future. I firmly agree with this statement and in this essay I will discuss the reasons for it.
It is important to consider how managing money can benefit individuals. There is a prevailing view that it is crucial for everyone, especially young people, to save money for their future. I firmly agree with this statement, and in this essay, I will discuss the reasons for my perspective.
One the one hand, many young individuals prefer to focus on their current moments instead of worrying about their future. This is because it helps them to make the most of their youth by spending their money on their interests and things that makes them really happy, instead of depriving themselves from doing them. For example, a person who is in 20s may decide not go to a travel that they have always dreamed of it and instead save its money for their retirement age. Consequently, they not only scarify their precious young age but also this might effect on their life satisfaction even when they will get older.
On the one hand, many young individuals prefer to focus on their present moments instead of worrying about their future. This approach allows them to make the most of their youth by spending their money on interests and activities that bring them joy, rather than depriving themselves of these experiences. For example, a person in their twenties may decide not to go on a trip they have always dreamed of and instead save their money for retirement. Consequently, they not only sacrifice their precious youth but may also negatively impact their life satisfaction as they grow older.
On the other hand, in my view, people should make a balance between considering their future financial security and their current time. for example, they can allocate some part of their salary for spending on their favorite activities, while saving other portions for the later unexpected situations. In doing so, they can not only take full advantage of their younger years but also enjoy the financial independency they will have. In contrast, if they solely focus on the current period, they might run out of money and be rely on others in the future.
On the other hand, I believe that individuals should strike a balance between considering their future financial security and enjoying their current lives. For instance, they can allocate a portion of their salary to spend on their favorite activities while saving another portion for unexpected situations in the future. By doing so, they can fully enjoy their younger years while also ensuring financial independence later in life. In contrast, if they solely focus on the present, they may run out of money and find themselves relying on others in the future.
In conclusion, although people should not ruin their present moment by constantly thinking about the future, it is vital to make a balance between them and also allocate part of their income for their retirement period.
In conclusion, although people should not ruin their present moments by constantly worrying about the future, it is vital to strike a balance between the two and allocate part of their income for their retirement.
Band Score: 6.5

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It clearly states the writer's agreement with the statement and provides reasons for this stance.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of enjoying the present while also emphasizing the need for financial planning for the future. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the essay would benefit from more varied linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "financial security," "life satisfaction," and "financial independency." However, there are some awkward phrases and word choices, such as "scarify their precious young age" and "effect on their life satisfaction," which could be improved for clarity and precision.
  • Spelling and Word Form: There are minor errors in word form and spelling, such as "effect" instead of "affect" and "independency" instead of "independence."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "One the one hand" instead of "On the one hand" and "be rely on others" instead of "be reliant on others."
  • Punctuation: Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances where it could be improved, such as the use of commas to separate clauses.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide More Examples: Strengthen the argument by including more specific examples or evidence to support the points made.
  2. Enhance Vocabulary: Work on improving word choice and clarity by using more precise vocabulary and correcting awkward phrases.
  3. Improve Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation to enhance readability and coherence.
  4. Use Varied Cohesive Devices: Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but there is room for improvement in terms of language use and the development of ideas.

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