Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram
Question:
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement??
Response:
It is an imperative for mankind to save money for future, and I align myself with this statement. These days, saving money seems unimportant and hard. People work to live better lives but the amount of their salaries might not be as much as they need. Sometimes incomes are not sufficient for living conveniently. Consequently, people don't have enough money to save for future. More over, young people that has just started to work, don't get paid enough to save extra money. Take university students as an example. They need to pay for their education and if they receive extra money, it won't be helpful due to high amount of purchase they have. But what if an unpredictable thing happens to them? On the other hand, people should always separate a part of their salary for future. Firstly, if you force yourself not to buy unnecessary stuff or not to go on unnecessary trips, you can save some money. When you are not prepared for an unpredictable event, this money would save you. Secondly, without saving money, you would not have the ability to buy expensive things. For instance when you decide to buy a house you need to save money for years in order to be prepared. Finally, saving money may allows you to change your job whenever you want. Indeed when you have some money saved, it allows you to be unemployement for a while, until you find the best career without rush. In conclusion, although it might seem hard or sometimes impossible to save money, it is beneficial and sometimes crucial.
Marking your essay. This might take a few minutes.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is an imperative for mankind to save money for the future, and I align myself with this statement. These days, saving money seems unimportant and harddifficult. People work to live better lives, but the amount of their salaries might not be as much as they need. Sometimes incomes are not sufficient for living convenientlycomfortably. Consequently, people don't have enough money to save for the future. More overMoreover, young people that haswho have just started to work, don't get paid enough to save extra money. Take university students as an example. They need to pay for their education, and if they receive extra money, it won't be helpful due to the high amount of purchaseexpenses they have. But what if an unpredictable thingevent happens to them? On the other hand, people should always separateset aside a part of their salary for the future. Firstly, if you force yourself not to buy unnecessary stuffitems or not to go on unnecessary trips, you can save some money. When you are not prepared for an unpredictable event, this money would savehelp you. Secondly, without saving money, you would not have the ability to buy expensive things. For instance, when you decide to buy a house, you need to save money for years in order to be prepared. Finally, saving money may allowsallow you to change your job whenever you want. Indeed, when you have some money saved, it allows you to be unemployementunemployed for a while, until you find the best career without rush. In conclusion, although it might seem hard or sometimes impossible to save money, it is beneficial and sometimes crucial.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is an imperative for mankind to save money for future, and I align myself with this statement.
It is imperative for mankind to save money for the future, and I wholeheartedly align myself with this statement.
These days, saving money seems unimportant and hard. People work to live better lives but the amount of their salaries might not be as much as they need. Sometimes incomes are not sufficient for living conveniently. Consequently, people don't have enough money to save for future. More over, young people that has just started to work, don't get paid enough to save extra money. Take university students as an example. They need to pay for their education and if they receive extra money, it won't be helpful due to high amount of purchase they have. But what if an unpredictable thing happens to them?
In today's world, saving money often appears unimportant and challenging. People work to improve their lives, but their salaries may not be sufficient to meet their needs. Sometimes, incomes are inadequate for comfortable living, which results in individuals lacking the funds necessary to save for the future. Moreover, young people who have just started working often do not earn enough to set aside extra money. For instance, university students must pay for their education, and any additional income they receive is often consumed by the high costs of living. But what happens if an unexpected event occurs?
On the other hand, people should always separate a part of their salary for future. Firstly, if you force yourself not to buy unnecessary stuff or not to go on unnecessary trips, you can save some money. When you are not prepared for an unpredictable event, this money would save you. Secondly, without saving money, you would not have the ability to buy expensive things. For instance when you decide to buy a house you need to save money for years in order to be prepared. Finally, saving money may allows you to change your job whenever you want. Indeed when you have some money saved, it allows you to be unemployement for a while, until you find the best career without rush.
On the other hand, it is essential for individuals to allocate a portion of their salary for future savings. Firstly, by consciously avoiding unnecessary purchases and refraining from extravagant trips, one can accumulate savings. This money can be a lifesaver in the event of an unforeseen circumstance. Secondly, without savings, individuals may find themselves unable to afford significant investments. For example, when considering the purchase of a house, one must save money over several years to be adequately prepared. Finally, having savings can provide the flexibility to change jobs whenever desired. Indeed, when you have a financial cushion, it allows you to be unemployed for a while, giving you the freedom to find the best career opportunity without feeling rushed.
In conclusion, although it might seem hard or sometimes impossible to save money, it is beneficial and sometimes crucial.
In conclusion, although saving money may seem difficult or even impossible at times, it is ultimately beneficial and, in many cases, crucial for a secure future.
Band Score: 6.5

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future and provides reasons for this stance. However, it could benefit from a clearer statement of the extent to which you agree or disagree with the prompt. Consider explicitly stating your position in the introduction.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides some examples, such as university students and the need to save for a house. These examples help illustrate the points but could be expanded with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the challenges of saving to the benefits could be more clearly signposted.
  • Cohesive Devices: Use of cohesive devices like "on the other hand" and "for instance" is evident, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for more varied and precise language. For example, instead of "unnecessary stuff," consider using "non-essential items."
  • Word Choice: Be cautious with word choice to ensure clarity. For example, "imperative for mankind" could be simplified to "important for everyone."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased. For example, "More over, young people that has just started to work, don't get paid enough to save extra money" should be "Moreover, young people who have just started working often do not earn enough to save extra money."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("young people that has" should be "young people who have") and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas). Proofreading for these errors would improve the overall quality.

Overall Impression

The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money for the future, supported by relevant examples. To enhance the response, consider providing a more explicit statement of your position, expanding on examples with more detail, and refining language use for clarity and precision. Additionally, addressing minor grammatical errors and improving transitions between ideas will strengthen the coherence and readability of the essay.

See more samples for this question