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Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Some students prefer to learn new lessons apart from their main subjects, while others believe that it is more essential to allocate all their time to studying for a qualification. Although learning new skills can be beneficial, I believe that focusing on main subjects can be more significant for students’ career prospects. On the one hand, the most compelling reason why students tend to learn new subjects is that it will lead them to personal development. If students gainnew skills, they will be more talented in various fields, leading to improvement in their confidence. For example, some students often try to learn a new language such as English, an international language, which is crucial for maintaining international interactions. Improving communication skills not only can boost their confidence but also makes them acquire more competence in every aspect of their lives. On the other hand, the reason supporting this notion that students should focus on their main subjects and allocate all their time to it is that it can provide more job opportunities for them. The more students allot their time to studying an ability, the more proffesional they will be at it. As they are more unlikely to be distracted by other subjects, they can improve their efficiency and productivity. Take students studying medicine, an important job for maintaining public health, for example; if they want to engage in learning a new subject such as art, they might not be successful in medicine; in contrast, focusing on their main subjects makes them more highly skilled, which is an important factor in offering more job opportunities. In conclusion, while learning new subjects helps students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to allot all their attention to studying their main subjects as it can make them more professional and provide them with more job opportunities.
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Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students prefer to learn new lessons apart from their main subjects, while others believe that it is more essential to allocate all their time to studying for a qualification. Although learning new skills can be beneficial, I believe that focusing on main subjects can be more significant for students’ career prospects. On the one hand, the most compelling reason why students tend to learn new subjects is that it will lead them to personal development. If students gainnewgain new skills, they will be more talented in various fields, leading to improvementimprovements in their confidence. For example, some students often try to learn a new language such as English, an international language, which is crucial for maintaining international interactions. Improving communication skills not only can boost their confidence but also makeshelps them acquire more competence in every aspect of their lives. On the other hand, the reason supporting this notion that students should focus on their main subjects and allocate all their time to it is that it can provide more job opportunities for them. The more students allotdevote their time to studying an abilitya skill, the more proffesionalprofessional they will be at it. As they are more unlikelyless likely to be distracted by other subjects, they can improve their efficiency and productivity. Take students studying medicine, an important job for maintaining public health, for example; if they want to engage in learning a new subject such as art, they might not be successful in medicine; in contrast, focusing on their main subjects makes them more highly skilled, which is an important factor in offering more job opportunities. In conclusion, while learning new subjects helps students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to allotdevote all their attention to studying their main subjects as it can make them more professional and provide them with more job opportunities.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some students prefer to learn new lessons apart from their main subjects, while others believe that it is more essential to allocate all their time to studying for a qualification. Although learning new skills can be beneficial, I believe that focusing on main subjects can be more significant for students’ career prospects.
Some students prefer to learn new subjects in addition to their main areas of study, while others believe it is more essential to dedicate all their time to preparing for a qualification. Although acquiring new skills can be beneficial, I believe that focusing on core subjects is more significant for students’ career prospects.
On the one hand, the most compelling reason why students tend to learn new subjects is that it will lead them to personal development. If students gainnew skills, they will be more talented in various fields, leading to improvement in their confidence. For example, some students often try to learn a new language such as English, an international language, which is crucial for maintaining international interactions. Improving communication skills not only can boost their confidence but also makes them acquire more competence in every aspect of their lives.
On the one hand, a compelling reason for students to explore new subjects is that it can lead to personal development. By gaining new skills, students become more versatile in various fields, which can enhance their confidence. For instance, many students strive to learn a new language, such as English, which is crucial for international communication. Improving their communication skills not only boosts their confidence but also equips them with greater competence in various aspects of their lives.
On the other hand, the reason supporting this notion that students should focus on their main subjects and allocate all their time to it is that it can provide more job opportunities for them. The more students allot their time to studying an ability, the more proffesional they will be at it. As they are more unlikely to be distracted by other subjects, they can improve their efficiency and productivity. Take students studying medicine, an important job for maintaining public health, for example; if they want to engage in learning a new subject such as art, they might not be successful in medicine; in contrast, focusing on their main subjects makes them more highly skilled, which is an important factor in offering more job opportunities.
On the other hand, there is a strong argument for students to concentrate on their main subjects and devote all their time to them, as this can provide more job opportunities. The more time students invest in mastering a particular skill, the more professional they will become in that area. By minimizing distractions from other subjects, they can enhance their efficiency and productivity. For example, consider students studying medicine, a vital profession for maintaining public health. If they divert their attention to learning a new subject, such as art, they may struggle to excel in medicine. In contrast, focusing on their primary subjects allows them to develop a high level of expertise, which is a crucial factor in securing more job opportunities.
In conclusion, while learning new subjects helps students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to allot all their attention to studying their main subjects as it can make them more professional and provide them with more job opportunities.
In conclusion, while learning new subjects can help students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more advantageous for them to concentrate their efforts on their main subjects, as this approach fosters professionalism and increases their job prospects.
Band Score: 7.5

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or also learn additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, favoring the focus on main subjects for career prospects.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents a balanced discussion with relevant examples, such as learning a new language and the field of medicine, to support each viewpoint. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or evidence, particularly for the benefits of focusing solely on main subjects.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Cohesion: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "For example," "In conclusion") helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms like "personal development," "international interactions," "efficiency," and "productivity." However, there are minor errors, such as "gainnew" instead of "gain new," which should be corrected.
  • Precision and Variety: While the vocabulary is generally precise, further variety in word choice could enhance the essay. For instance, using synonyms or more descriptive language could add depth to the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which demonstrates a good command of grammar.
  • Accuracy: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "proffesional" instead of "professional," and "makes them acquire" which could be rephrased for clarity. These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for greater accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Examples: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the argument, particularly for the benefits of focusing on main subjects.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Refine Vocabulary and Grammar: Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors, and consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance the essay's richness.

Overall, the essay presents a clear and balanced discussion with a well-articulated opinion. With some refinements in examples, cohesion, and language precision, the response could be further strengthened.

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