Question:
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response:
Some students argue that learning more skills at the same time as their academic field is a good approach for their future success, while others believe that students should focus on their main major and spend more time in their academic area. I personally think that young people should increase their skills, and if they obtain more knowledge about a variety of skills, they can have a more successful and happier future. One viewpoint is that students should expand their abilities, as it allows them to find new interests and become creative. Trying different fields can assist students in discovering new hobbies or things they enjoy doing. For example, an engineering student who studies music might start playing an instrument as a hobby. Moreover, learning from various subjects gives students new ideas and helps them solve problems better. For instance, a computer student who knows about art might design a better website in a creative way. On the other hand, others think that students should focus on their academic areas because it leads to gaining better scores and saving time. Concentrating on one subject can help students learn deeply and acquire excellent grades in their exams. For example, a law student who studies with high precision can pass his complex courses. Furthermore, when they spend time on other subjects, they will not have sufficient time for their primary courses. For instance, a medical student who studies only their courses can finish their degree on time. In conclusion, both these approaches have their benefits, and it depends on students' personal attitudes and their field's assignments. However, I personally believe that young people should try many fields and gain new skills in order to achieve success.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students argue that learning more skills at the same time as their academic field is a good approach for their future success, while others believe that students should focus on their main major and spend more time in their academic area. I personally think that young people should increaseenhance their skills, and if they obtain more knowledge about a variety of skills, they can have a more successful and happier future. One viewpoint is that students should expandbroaden their abilities, as it allows them to find new interests and become creative. Trying different fields can assist students in discovering new hobbies or thingsactivities they enjoy doing. For example, an engineering student who studies music might start playing an instrument as a hobby. Moreover, learning from various subjects gives students new ideas and helps them solve problems bettermore effectively. For instance, a computer student who knows about art might design a better website in a creative way. On the other hand, others think that students should focusconcentrate on their academic areas because it leads to gainingachieving better scores and saving time. ConcentratingFocusing on one subject can help students learn deeply and acquire excellent grades in their exams. For example, a law student who studies with high precision can pass histheir complex courses. Furthermore, when they spend time on other subjects, they will not have sufficient time for their primary courses. For instance, a medical student who studies only their courses can finish their degree on time. In conclusion, both these approaches have their benefits, and it depends on students' personal attitudes and their field's assignmentsrequirements. However, I personally believe that young people should tryexplore many fields and gain new skills in order to achieve success.
Band Score: 7.5

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer also provides a clear personal opinion, supporting the idea of learning additional skills.
  • Examples and Explanation: The essay includes relevant examples to support each viewpoint, such as the engineering student learning music and the computer student using art knowledge creatively. These examples help illustrate the benefits of exploring additional subjects.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the transition between ideas is smooth.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "for example," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument and maintain coherence.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "academic field," "future success," "creative," "hobbies," and "precision." The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic and contributes to the clarity of the argument.
  • Word Choice: Word choice is generally accurate, though there is room for more varied expressions to enhance the lexical resource further.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which adds to the grammatical range.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: The grammar is mostly accurate, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, "a law student who studies with high precision can pass his complex courses" could be improved by using "their" instead of "his" for gender neutrality.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal opinion. It is well-structured and uses appropriate examples to support the points made. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure gender-neutral language. Overall, the essay meets the requirements of the task and demonstrates a good command of English.