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Question:
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Response:
In modern times, people in many countries can access to foods from different parts of the world, thanks to the globalization that has brought this opportunity. While it poses negative impacts on our planet, I believe that it has its positive aspects as well. Firstly, migrants can purchase their favorite products from different countries. In this globalized world, many people have migrated to experience more. With availability of their national foods and products they can sooth their home-sickness, which allows them to be more productive. For instance, Iranian national cuisine comprises various ingredients that can hardly be found in other places. As a result of this phenomenon, Iranian can still cook their cherished meals even in other countries. Secondly, individuals can experience other national dishes from all around the world. For example, nowadays people from European countries can sample foods from Asia or Affrica and broaden their knowledge about other ethnicities. Therefore, people can strike up a conversation with their foreign friend over their foods, which can act as a powerful medium to foster friendships. However, transporting products around the globe can cause greenhouse gases’ levels to rise, which eventually may result in climate change and environmental issues. Although this development may have drawbacks, in my opinion its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. In conclusion, people from many countries can now purchase goods from other countries. While some might argue that this can undesirable consequences, I contend that this trend can foster unity and understanding for people. By taking other measures like promoting electrical vehicles or planting more trees, the problems of this globalized phenomenon may be mitigated.
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In modern times, people in many countries can access to foods from different parts of the world, thanks to the globalization that has brought this opportunity. While it poses negative impacts on our planet, I believe that it has its positive aspects as well. Firstly, migrants can purchase their favoritefavourite products from different countries. In this globalized world, many people have migrated to experience more. With the availability of their national foods and products, they can soothsoothe their home-sicknesshomesickness, which allows them to be more productive. For instance, Iranian national cuisine comprises various ingredients that can hardly be found in other places. As a result of this phenomenon, IranianIranians can still cook their cherished meals even in other countries. Secondly, individuals can experience other national dishes from all around the world. For example, nowadays people from European countries can sample foods from Asia or AffricaAfrica and broaden their knowledge about other ethnicities. Therefore, people can strike up a conversation with their foreign friendfriends over their foods, which can act as a powerful medium to foster friendships. However, transporting products around the globe can cause greenhouse gases’gas levels to rise, which eventually may result in climate change and environmental issues. Although this development may have drawbacks, in my opinion, its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. In conclusion, people from many countries can now purchase goods from other countries. While some might argue that this can have undesirable consequences, I contend that this trend can foster unity and understanding foramong people. By taking other measures like promoting electricalelectric vehicles or planting more trees, the problems of this globalized phenomenon may be mitigated.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In modern times, people in many countries can access to foods from different parts of the world, thanks to the globalization that has brought this opportunity. While it poses negative impacts on our planet, I believe that it has its positive aspects as well.
In modern times, people in many countries can access foods from different parts of the world, thanks to globalization, which has created this opportunity. While it poses negative impacts on our planet, I believe that it also has positive aspects.
Firstly, migrants can purchase their favorite products from different countries. In this globalized world, many people have migrated to experience more. With availability of their national foods and products they can sooth their home-sickness, which allows them to be more productive. For instance, Iranian national cuisine comprises various ingredients that can hardly be found in other places. As a result of this phenomenon, Iranian can still cook their cherished meals even in other countries.
Firstly, migrants can purchase their favorite products from different countries. In this globalized world, many people have migrated to seek new experiences. With the availability of their national foods and products, they can soothe their homesickness, which allows them to be more productive. For instance, Iranian cuisine comprises various ingredients that can hardly be found elsewhere. As a result of this phenomenon, Iranians can still cook their cherished meals even in other countries.
Secondly, individuals can experience other national dishes from all around the world. For example, nowadays people from European countries can sample foods from Asia or Affrica and broaden their knowledge about other ethnicities. Therefore, people can strike up a conversation with their foreign friend over their foods, which can act as a powerful medium to foster friendships.
Secondly, individuals can experience national dishes from around the world. For example, nowadays, people from European countries can sample foods from Asia or Africa, broadening their knowledge about different cultures. Consequently, people can strike up conversations with their foreign friends over their meals, which can serve as a powerful medium to foster friendships.
However, transporting products around the globe can cause greenhouse gases’ levels to rise, which eventually may result in climate change and environmental issues. Although this development may have drawbacks, in my opinion its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
However, transporting products around the globe can cause greenhouse gas levels to rise, which may ultimately result in climate change and environmental issues. Although this development may have drawbacks, in my opinion, its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
In conclusion, people from many countries can now purchase goods from other countries. While some might argue that this can undesirable consequences, I contend that this trend can foster unity and understanding for people. By taking other measures like promoting electrical vehicles or planting more trees, the problems of this globalized phenomenon may be mitigated.
In conclusion, people from many countries can now purchase goods from other nations. While some might argue that this can lead to undesirable consequences, I contend that this trend fosters unity and understanding among people. By taking additional measures, such as promoting electric vehicles or planting more trees, the problems associated with this globalized phenomenon may be mitigated.
Band Score: 7

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the availability of international food in supermarkets. However, the essay leans more towards the positive aspects, which aligns with the writer's opinion.
  • Position: The writer's position is clear, stating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This is reiterated in the conclusion.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the availability of Iranian cuisine ingredients and the opportunity for cultural exchange through food. These examples effectively support the main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall coherence.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "Firstly," "Secondly," "For instance," and "However" helps in guiding the reader through the arguments. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be smoother.
  • Paragraphing: The paragraphs are logically structured, but the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the negative aspects to provide a more comprehensive view.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "globalization," "home-sickness," "cherished meals," and "foster friendships." However, there are minor errors, such as "sooth" instead of "soothe."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "undesirable consequences" which could be more specific.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "access to foods" which should be "access foods," and "Affrica" which should be "Africa." Additionally, the use of possessive form in "greenhouse gases’ levels" is incorrect; it should be "greenhouse gas levels."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Discussion: Provide a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects to strengthen the argument.
  2. Smooth Transitions: Improve transitions between paragraphs, especially when shifting from positive to negative aspects.
  3. Grammar and Vocabulary: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity and precision.
  4. Expand on Solutions: The conclusion briefly mentions solutions like promoting electric vehicles and planting trees. Expanding on these ideas could provide a more comprehensive conclusion.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the writer's perspective and provides relevant examples, but could benefit from a more balanced discussion and attention to minor language errors.

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